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If I Were Casting a Low-Budget World War II Film, These are the First Five Men I'd Audition for the Evil Nazi Soldiers

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (32)

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Til Schweiger

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Harry Hamlin

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Shane West

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John Cena

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Tom Felton

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Comments

Harry Hamlin--a surprising and good call. I always envision Rutger Hauer or a bald Billy Zane.

Posted by: DenG at August 5, 2011 10:23 AM

That's like.. a wierd compliment?

Posted by: Magiel at August 5, 2011 10:23 AM

How can Viggo not be on this list? He would make a wonderful movie Nazi.

Posted by: PaddyDog at August 5, 2011 10:25 AM

Viggo only does Russian.

Posted by: admin at August 5, 2011 10:34 AM

Wallace Shawn to fill the Ronald Lacey aka The Guy with the Burned Hand from Raiders of the Lost Ark-type role. They can't all be lantern-jawed, right?

Posted by: branded at August 5, 2011 10:40 AM

Darling hubby always says that if the Nazis hadn't existed, Hollywood would have had to invent them because they are the perfect bad guys. They are whiter than white, so no ethnic group can get their panties in a knot.

So let's see:

Star Wars Empire = Nazis
Firefly Brown Coats = Nazis (brown shirts, anyone?)
etc. etc.

Posted by: BWeaves at August 5, 2011 10:49 AM

Are you referring to the good guys or the bad guys in Firefly?. The Browncoats are the good guys -- Mal and Zoe. The bad guys are the Alliance.


Technically, Browncoats are supposed to kind of represent the Confederate Army, not Nazis. But eventually the two come together as skinheads, so...um...I'm not sure where I was going with this.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at August 5, 2011 11:01 AM

"Viggo only does Russian"

Not true. Viggo does me every night in my dreams.

Posted by: PaddyDog at August 5, 2011 11:09 AM

OK, you're right, I'm not sure the Firefly reference was as good as the Star Wars one, but there are plenty of other movies that use real Nazis or Nazi standins as the baddies, because they're just built in bad.

Posted by: BWeaves at August 5, 2011 11:09 AM

Oh, I agree that the Alliance is a good stand-in for the Nazis - right down to the medical experimentation on children.

Posted by: Three-nineteen at August 5, 2011 11:20 AM

Give the kid who plays Prince Joffrey in Game of Thrones a few years and he'll be the übernazi to rule them all.

Posted by: Soda at August 5, 2011 11:30 AM

DanielfuckingCraig.

Posted by: jayco at August 5, 2011 12:02 PM

Udo Kier and Peter Stormare and the Nazi Deep Science Division. Or the Nazi OCCULT SCIENCES DIVISION!!

Okay, who wants to role-play?

Posted by: AmbroseKalifornia at August 5, 2011 12:12 PM

Daniel Craig WOULD be awesome, but he's decidedly NOT low budget.

Posted by: AmbroseKalifornia at August 5, 2011 12:13 PM

Malfoy's dad.

Posted by: James S at August 5, 2011 1:31 PM

The Skarsgaard kid from True Blood.

Posted by: Fredo at August 5, 2011 1:47 PM

William Fitchner. Even though he's more the commander-type, not the soldier-cannon-fodder-type.

I second the grown-up version of Joffrey-quasi-Baratheon.

And Tom Schilling. The prettiest Nazi ever. (Anyone ever seen 'Napola'? No. You should.)

Posted by: Rooks at August 5, 2011 1:55 PM

Jonathan Rhys Myers?

Posted by: samantha t at August 5, 2011 2:21 PM

'"Viggo only does Russian"'
Not true. Viggo does me every night in my dreams."
- Posted by: PaddyDog

But "Russian Style", right Paddy? And by "Russian Style" I mean cold, aggressive and soaked in Vodka.

Posted by: Groundloop at August 5, 2011 2:33 PM

"But "Russian Style", right Paddy? And by "Russian Style" I mean cold, aggressive and soaked in Vodka."

And Illegal?


Na, yeah. John Cena is hated enough to be a Nazi, I suppose. Though CM Punk would be a better choice if it wasn't for all the Tattoos. Even then Dolph Ziggler wouldn't be a horrible choice. I don't know, WWE has a lot of whiter wrestlers who don't look so roided up, and can actually, conceivably act their way out of a paper bag. Well maybe not Dolph.

Posted by: googergieger at August 5, 2011 3:02 PM

Tom Felton has surprisingly beautiful eyes.

Posted by: snapnhiss at August 5, 2011 5:20 PM


One guy - don't know his name - who'd be perfect is the actor who played Betty Draper's brother on Mad Men & also had a part in the US version of 'The killing' (mayoral campaign manager). He's definitely sinister-looking enough.

Peter Stormare played Ernst Roehm in a TV movie about Hitler (the one with Robert Carlyle in the title role).

Steve Buscemi, if he had a 1930s era haircut would work if he could pull off a Geman accent.

Rutger Hauer would've been a great choice before he turned 60.

Posted by: harold ballard's ghost at August 5, 2011 5:56 PM

oh yeah...
here's another one:

MACAULAY CULKIN!!!

Posted by: harold ballard's ghost at August 5, 2011 5:57 PM

http://www.overthinkingit.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/kirkspock-300x225.jpg

I don't think these two are up to much, but they might have, uh, conflicting schedules.

Posted by: AmbroseKalifornia at August 5, 2011 7:17 PM

The things I would let Til Schwiger do to me. Ach, Herr Schwiger, mach liebe mit mir. MACH LIEBE MIT MIR!

Where's the love for Rhys Ifans?

Posted by: duckandcover at August 5, 2011 8:51 PM

Gotta disagree on only one point--Til Schweiger's better as a quiet hero. He utterly stole Basterds with only a handful of lines.

Everything else in this discussion is awesome.

Posted by: Johnnyboy at August 5, 2011 9:15 PM

Where DID Shane West go?

Really curious, Internet ppls look into this plz

Posted by: LBeees at August 5, 2011 10:14 PM

Where DID Shane West go?

Really curious, Internet ppls look into this plz

Posted by: LBeees at August 5, 2011 10:14 PM

I guess I qualify as an "Internet ppls" - Mr. West has been a regular on Nikita over on The CW.

Posted by: Uriah Creep at August 5, 2011 10:33 PM

VIGGO dressed up in a Nazi uniform in the movie /Good/.

Posted by: Elle Jae at August 5, 2011 11:57 PM

Udo Kier, man. I get nightmares just from reading that name. He is the ultimate creepy guy.

Posted by: Karo at August 8, 2011 1:08 PM

Can woman be in this? I picture Tilda Swinton running the show.

Posted by: jersey at August 9, 2011 2:02 AM

I accidentally deleted my joomla files from server? How to install it and have it as it was?

Posted by: 3rsdfrofl at September 14, 2011 12:41 PM