I Wish I Could Be As Carefree and Wild: The Coolest Muppets
If you ever watched “Battlestar Galactica,” you might recall that there were times when Admiral Adama gathered the ship’s crew to make a a speech or declaration or inspiring words of some sort; at the end of the speech, he would declare, “And so say we all.” Then the crew, in unison, would repeat it back to him—maybe not as loud as they should have—so he’d put on his big, badass voice and he’d say it again just to make sure everyone was in line. And those motherfrakkers were scared when he got pissy (dude drank), so they’d say it back even louder the second time, to placate him. Who knows if they really believed what he said or even if they would go along or plan a mutiny? The point is, this list is a little like that. You can harbor your resentments and you can feel like you might want to disagree, but you’d better buck up and just repeat after me, “So say we all.” I can’t hear you! SO SAY WE ALL.
As always, Waldorf and Statler remain outside the fray, likely denouncing the whole competition and grumbling about agism.
Why he’s cool: He’s a drummer, man! He’s wild, unpredictable, loves the chicks but can’t be tied down. The perennial bachelor.
4. Oscar the Grouch:
Why he’s cool: Oscar was hoarding before it was cool. Dude lives in a garbage can, sings about trash and doesn’t give a hoot what anyone thinks of him. He helps kidlets learn about alternative lifestyles and to respect those who are different.
3. Swedish Chef:
Why he’s cool: He’s Swedish! He could be related to the Skarsgård—if nothing else, he comes from the same country—you can’t get any cooler than that. He cooks like a madman, doesn’t need a recipe, ain’t afraid of failure and speaks my grandmother’s language. Börk, börk, börk!
Why he’s cool: He’s a scientist and a ginger. Beaker might be nerdy but with hair like that, he can’t help but be cool. No matter how many experiments go wrong, he marches on in the name of research and only he can make so much of one word: Meep. With merely facial expressions and tone, Beaker communicates everything in Meepish.
1. The Count:
Why he’s the coolest: The Count has taught the entire world to count. Top that. He’s old school vampire, all Transylvanian-accented and Lugosi-mannered; none of that sparkly Twilight crap. He lives, as any vampire should, in a cool castle and has pet bats and the Countmobile. As is appropriate, he’s a bit of a ladies’ man, he’s educated and he has a fantastic laugh. And if nothing else is around to be counted—he doesn’t lie about and languish—the Count simply counts himself.
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