Five Scene-Stealing Characters That Deserve a Movie Before Les Grossman
After we Tweeted in February that it was in development, and after Tom Cruise hinted at the possibility over the weekend, it was officially announced that Paramount is developing a film based on Tom Cruise’s character from Tropic Thunder, Les Grossman. Ben Stiller is involved, and the screenwriter for Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Michael Bacall, has been hired to pen the script. I got nothing against Les Grossman in small doses, but it seems unlikely that a full-length movie revolving around that character could possibly work, and given just how picky Tom Cruise is about the projects he selects, I seriously doubt that this film will ever actually make it past the script stage.
Nevertheless, maybe it is part of a new Hollywood trend — giving minor, scene-stealing characters their own movie. We saw the same thing last weekend with Russell Brand’s Get Him to the Greek, a reprisal of his supporting character in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. And if Hollywood is going to continue down this path, I have a few suggestions of scene-stealing characters that I’d like to see get a full-length movie before Les Grossman does.
5. Miracle Max and Valerie, The Princess Bride. Sure, it’s been 23 years, but everyone knows who Miracle Max and Valerie are. And while Billy Crystal and Carol Kane have aged considerably, they played an bickering elderly couple. Less make-up! The movie could be about Miracle Max coming out of retirement again, and how he and his now estranged wife — in a comedy of remarriage — are brought back together again due to unforeseen contrivances and forced to travel the countryside performing miracles. “I’m not a witch, I’m your wife!”
4. Floyd, True Romance. Say Floyd has to get off the couch and … actually find a … you know what? They already made this movie. It was called Pineapple Express. Would’ve been better with Floyd, though.
3. Bill Murray, Zombieland. A prequel! Basically, just a movie about Bill Murray, tooling around Los Angeles and points beyond. Drinking. Hanging out. Reading poetry to construction workers. Maybe it’s a road-trip movie. And maybe it all culminates back in Bill Murray’s mansion, as he escapes thousands of zombies and finds safe seclusion in his own home. If there’s one thing we know about the current state of Hollywood, it’s that there’s not enough Bill Murray. And what movie could be better than a Bill Murray movie where he plays himself?
2. Donny, Eurotrip. I don’t care what it’s about. I don’t care if it’s about Donny making out with Kristin Kreuk for 90 minutes. I will see that movie. And yes, I will take any excuse to play this clip again.
1. Barry, High Fidelity. Save for School of Rock, I think this was the last time I liked Jack Black. I dug the hell out of Barry, and at the time, that character seemed kinetic and fresh and fun and sarcastic and vibrantly spastic. It’s been a decade since the release of that movie, but it’s not too late to catch up with Barry, who is just now finally leaving the record store after it was shuttered and attempting, in vain, to catapult Barry Jive and his Uptown Five/Katheleen Turner Overdrive/Sonic Death Monkey to success. Maybe the movie could even revolve around Barry and Todd Louiso’s Dick, who live together in a tiny Chicago apartment. A hipster Odd Couple.
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