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Five Great Actresses Who Look Great in Leather | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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Five Bad Actresses Who Look Great in Leather

A Seriously Random List / Dustin Rowles

Seriously Random Lists | September 10, 2009 | Comments (61)

After running the Seriously Random List on the Five Actors who should stick to suits, I felt it incumbent upon me, for the sake of gender equality here at Pajiba, that we run an SRL for the other gender. And so, here you go, gents: Five Bad Actresses Who Look Great in Leather.

5. Jessica Alba

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4. Charlize Theron

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3. Eliza Dushku

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2. Sienna Miller

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1. Kate Beckinsale


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Comments

add carrie ann moss to list please...i'll wait...

dammit!!!!

Posted by: pabs at September 10, 2009 4:05 PM

Honey, do these holsters make my hips look fat?

Posted by: BWeaves at September 10, 2009 4:10 PM

That didn't exactly look like leather on Charlize.

And thanks for not putting Angelina on this list.

Posted by: Eva at September 10, 2009 4:14 PM

Missed out on the Matrix... sheesh, 18yr olds have no memories at all...

Posted by: Ted at September 10, 2009 4:15 PM

First of all: Theron is not a bad actor although she has chosen some bad roles.

As a substitute I submit Heather Graham.

http://www.leatherleatherleather.com/search/label/Heather%20Graham

Posted by: ed newman at September 10, 2009 4:16 PM

I would like to peel Ms. Beckinsale out of that outfit like she was wearing really tight leather and needed some really sexy help taking it off.

Posted by: admin at September 10, 2009 4:18 PM

Mmmm...Beckinsale...

Posted by: Snath at September 10, 2009 4:22 PM

I am delighted at the existence of leatherleatherleather.com. Not that I'm surprised, but I love that Ed knows where the goods are.

Posted by: replica at September 10, 2009 4:25 PM

Whatever, I wouldn't care if these five combined had the acting talent of Jenna Jameson, it's still a visually entertaining list.

*stumbles back to bunk...*

Posted by: Xtreme at September 10, 2009 4:30 PM

Kate Beckinsale walking up the stairs in Underworld made me realize that anything I had popped up to that point was just a glimmer of my true pants-potential. I've grown up a lot since that day. That day on the stairs with the leather pants. That day with Bill Nighy throwing the face-splitting motherfucking Victor-Punch!

Posted by: coryo at September 10, 2009 4:42 PM

*raises hand*

Does human skin count as "leather"?

Posted by: , (the commenter formerly known as bucdaddy) at September 10, 2009 4:46 PM


Milla Jovavich! She stirs my milkshake.

Posted by: Lance at September 10, 2009 4:55 PM

Human skin, ha! You win the Giggle Award today.

But if you get a telegram from Tobe Hooper that says 'Some guys are coming', run, don't walk away.

Although, I am interested in the possibility of having a 'buc'-skin jacket. Hey, I lived in the Snow Belt (that's a real thing) until I was 23, I've earned it. 'Lend me your viscera' is what Marc Antony would have said, and are you going to say that Shakespeare wasn't a good writer?

Maybe I'll send a telegram, yes. We can paint each others nails, play some petanque, discuss static apnea and then giggle over Tiger Beat cover boys. I hear next week they're having a special on Conrad Bain.

Posted by: Jo 'Mama' Besser at September 10, 2009 5:14 PM

Including Alba over Carrie-Anne Moss is simply unforgivable. You're usually pretty solid on these lists.

Seriously, admit your mistake, edit the list and let's move on.

Thanks!

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at September 10, 2009 5:25 PM

Again: Beckinsale is wearing a rubber catsuit.

Charlize appears to be wearing...I dunno, cotton.

And a still from "Sin City" would've been better for Alba.

And Miller?

Miller?


Christ.

Posted by: Jay at September 10, 2009 5:27 PM

Carrie-Anne Moss ...would've also been wrong.

Posted by: Jay at September 10, 2009 5:28 PM

I wouldn't consider Charlize a bad actress, but I'd definitely second Heather Graham. She's horrible.

Posted by: Kristi at September 10, 2009 5:31 PM

Can't put Carrie-Ann Moss. She's not a bad actress. And replace Theron with Halle please...of all the oscar winners in tight leather, HB wins hands down! And now I demand we do a list of bad actors in tight leather...cast of G.I. Joe, step forward! Now...take that off...oh yeah, drop down and give me 100 push ups, I want to see those abs glisten with sweat...

I'm so sorry about this. I'll...uh...shit. Bunk.

Posted by: Joker at September 10, 2009 5:34 PM

HB wins hands down!

Are you referring to the mess in the headline photo?

Posted by: Jay at September 10, 2009 5:36 PM

All that sexiness almost makes up for the fact that every one of those movies sucked. You could watch them with the sound off, and no one would care.

Posted by: George at September 10, 2009 5:40 PM

Does anyone else think of Catwoman as Halley Berry's Battlefield Earth?

Posted by: George at September 10, 2009 5:43 PM

I usually like Pajiba but this list is just plain silly and misinformed (which is especially embarassing since it's a five-ladies-list).
Charlize Theron isn't wearing a single molecule of leather in her Aeon Flux outfit. And I don't think her back-holster counts as "wearing leather". Halle Berry is not a bad actress. A site that deals in films should know that. I agree that Catwoman was a bad movie, but Halle actually did decent in it and she hadn't much to go on. It was Sharon Stone who really stunk the place up. So including Berry on the list is really stupid. And finally: Kate Beckinsale is wearing a full PVC catsuit. Even her corset and cuffs are rubber.
3 out 5 women on this list don't qualify. How about double-checking facts or at least proof-reading before you post?

Posted by: Anna at September 10, 2009 5:47 PM

What about Ellen Barkin from Sea of Love?

Posted by: richmac at September 10, 2009 5:54 PM

I contest that Sienna is not a bad actress in the least.

She's just... not that great of a person. Sometimes. I don't know. She's pretty.

Posted by: Annie UhOh at September 10, 2009 5:58 PM

this is off topic, but listen: the new site layout has no stylesheet applied on the iphone and its killing me. If I wanted to see a website from 1999 I'd go to google.

Posted by: enochroot at September 10, 2009 6:00 PM

Posted by: Anna at September 10, 2009 5:47 PM

Well, Halley Berry isn't on the list, and she looked horrible in leather. There were way too many places to stick a dollar bill on that costume.

Posted by: George at September 10, 2009 6:01 PM

What's bad about Charlize Theron? Married married married!

Posted by: Lucas at September 10, 2009 6:13 PM

Michelle Pfeiffer in 'Batman Returns'!
Michelle Pfeiffer in 'Batman Returns'!
Michelle Pfeiffer in 'Batman Returns'!
Michelle Pfeiffer in 'Batman Returns'!
Michelle Pfeiffer in 'Batman Returns'!
Michelle Pfeiffer in 'Batman Returns'!

Posted by: elzupasmonkey at September 10, 2009 6:14 PM

Hrm.

I totally missed the word bad modifying actress. So, my apologies to miss Moss. I would like to remove her name from consideration.

Is Charlize Theron a bad actress? I really don't think I've seen her in anything other than "2 Days In The Valley" and "The Devil's Advocate." I thought she was supposed to be a good actress.

Whatever. I'm not worried about it.

She's hot, can really pull off the whole, cool, professional demeanor masking a sexually charged storm within vibe, therefore so long as she can deliver her key in line in our upcoming film project, "“I’d nail you like a board over a broken window during a zombie invasion," she'll be fine.

Posted by: Forbiddendonut at September 10, 2009 6:15 PM

The whole leather problem is solved if you look at the post in the SM-party L-context: latex/lack/leather qualifies and you get past the bouncer. Don't ask.
Agree on the new layout hate. Besides, my Favorites don't recognize Pajiba anymore. Stupid Mycrosoft browser, installed by stupid Mr. Gemeinderat.

Posted by: The Gemeinderat at September 10, 2009 6:22 PM

Michelle Pfeiffer in 'Batman Returns'!

I'm not gonna raise my voice. I'll just scowl at you.

Posted by: Jay at September 10, 2009 6:33 PM

Michelle Pfeiffer looked hot. Halle Berry looked like a complete moron.

Posted by: figgy at September 10, 2009 6:36 PM

My RSS feeder has the header as "Five Great Actresses Who Look Great In Leather." I saw it and though, "prithy, where art thou snark, Pajiba?"

(I think in Olde English. 'Tis a blessing and a curse.)

Posted by: whatBENwatches at September 10, 2009 6:37 PM

I'm confused by this list...(and aroused, so, typical day for me I guess). The title on the page itself says "5 Bad Actresses", but the Firefox title at the top of my window says "5 Great Actresses". With the exception of Charlize, I think this must be about Bad Actresses. Sienna Miller I have not seen in anything, so I can't judge her. Jessica Alba, bless her, my favorite guilty TV pleasure will always be Dark Angel.

Posted by: janetfaust at September 10, 2009 6:40 PM

The whole leather problem is solved if you look at the post in the SM-party L-context:

No, it's not. Blame Dustin. He didn't say "tight things" or "shiny things". He specified "leather" and then went off-topic, as did others. This is as bad as the "unconventionally hot actresses" imbroglio.

Am I the only one around here who cares about the rules?

Posted by: Jay at September 10, 2009 6:41 PM

*raises hand*

Does human skin count as "leather"?

Even cow skin is not leather until it goes through the tanning process, which is a noxious process that often involves soaking the skin in urine.

So it only counts in the case of Pamela Anderson

Posted by: lwoodpdowd at September 10, 2009 7:03 PM

I apologise. I did not see the word 'bad' in the title.

I retract my 'Michelle Pfeiffer in Batman Returns!' and replace it with Dedee Pfeiffer at the 'Batman Returns' premiere.

Posted by: elzupasmonkey at September 10, 2009 7:14 PM

Jay, you're right. This is not 'Nam. This is Pajiba. There are rules.

Posted by: tinmo at September 10, 2009 7:45 PM

The Gemeinderat is a chick?? Well, I'll be. I mean, I suppose I should've assumed, but instead I assume the other way. Almost every time. Stupid patriarchal society.

Well, I was coming to make the same complaint as everyone else in regards to the choices: Charlize is not a bad actress, Kate is neither a bad actress nor wearing leather, actually I think none of them are wearing leather, perhaps it should be "Five Actresses Who Range From Horrible to Decent And Look Great In Leather-Substitute".

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 10, 2009 7:51 PM

Awwe, give Eliza a break. Not the best choice for Echo, but she plays the tough girl decently.
And Charlize fluctuates.

Posted by: chayes at September 10, 2009 7:58 PM

but Charlize theron is a great actress except in the movie where she wears this leather suit!

Posted by: carrie at September 10, 2009 8:08 PM

Carrie-Anne Moss looks like a 12-yr-old boy in the Matrix, the only movie I've seen her in leather. Were DR to have posted a photo of CAM, this site would be added to the blacklist; sitting alongside Chicken-Little.com.

That role should have gone to Glau.

Posted by: Peter G at September 10, 2009 8:13 PM

(I think in Olde English. 'Tis a blessing and a curse.)

That's a blessing, whatBENwatches. I tend to think in lolspeak. I haz problem.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at September 10, 2009 8:17 PM

@ Jay
Put the piece away, man, they're calling the cops

Posted by: Khan (ghost of) at September 10, 2009 8:22 PM

@whatBENwatches

Wouldn't it be "prithy, where art thy snark, Pajiba?" Or alternatively, "prithy, where art thou, snark?" Along the lines of "wherefore art thou, Romeo?"

Posted by: MM at September 10, 2009 8:30 PM

Welcome to Pajiba, where we go out of our way to post purposefully-faulted lists so that our dozens of extremely sensitive geek readers can voice their pre-adolescent cinematic opinions with requisite thick, oozing self-righteousness.

"What?! No Carrie-Anne Moss in today's Pajiba list?"

Call the fucking waahmbulance. Real film geeks would be embarrassed to post here.

Posted by: Poultice at September 10, 2009 8:46 PM

What's that old saying again? Opinions are like... something, everybody has one and something something something?

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at September 10, 2009 8:55 PM

Awww, come on, the "suits" list was spot on, ya buzzkill.

Posted by: Jay at September 10, 2009 9:13 PM

"Wouldn't it be 'prithy, where art thy snark, Pajiba?' Or alternatively, 'prithy, where art thou, snark?' Along the lines of 'wherefore art thou, Romeo?'"

I never said I majored in Olde English. I just said I thought in it. It's probably for the best: if I majored in Olde English, I'd be stuck with a nothing degree probably managing the local Ye Olde Borders Bookshoppe.

Posted by: whatBENwatches at September 10, 2009 9:19 PM

Oh, Kate Beckinsale is a TERRIBLE actress. She's so boring and bland and completely forgettable. Much like Jessica Alba.

And what has Charlize done aside from Monster that would lead anyone to believe she's a great actress? She wasn't even that great in Monster.

Posted by: figgy at September 10, 2009 11:19 PM

I quite liked Kate Beckinsale in Snow Angels and she was pretty good in Nothing But The Truth. I feel like she's just REALLY bad at picking projects.

Charlize more than solidified herself as a legitimate actress with North Country, I thought.

Jessica Alba, though, manages to ruin anything she's in. She literally hasn't been good in anything she's done. She's gorgeous, though. So, um, good on her.

Posted by: whatBENwatches at September 10, 2009 11:23 PM

It is so cute when the anal retentives all chime in to complain that the rules are NOT BEING FOLLOWED!!!

It's a snarky website, bitches! Roll with it!

That is no excuse, however, for poorly executed old/Shakespearean English.

It's Prithee, not prithy.

Wherefore does not mean "Dude, where you at?" It means Why, and for what purpose, depending on the present or future tense. Juliet wasn't asking where Romeo was, she was rhetorically asking why he exists and how he will affect her future, since he was her sworn enemy and yet her only love.

See, I knew that English degree would come in handy.

Also: Michelle Pfeiffer was hawt.

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at September 11, 2009 12:57 AM

Charlize Theron won a well-deserved Oscar, and yet she is on the same list as Jessica Alba. You suck!!

Posted by: me at September 11, 2009 1:06 AM

Um, if it's bad actrissin' with good wearing of the leather we're talking about, the list must include Rhona Mitra. She's made half of her later career playing leather-clad pinups in slash and castle movies.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at September 11, 2009 2:51 AM

I'm sorry, if you are creating a list with Great Actresses who Look Great in Leather and you don't have Dame Diana "Mrs. Peel" Rigg on that list...that list is worthless.

http://redriverpak.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/diana_rigg_01.jpg

Posted by: trooper6 at September 11, 2009 3:58 PM

I'm both entirely frustrated that my fake old-timey speak was corrected and also completely full of respect that there are readers here who will assert that there "is no excuse, however, for poorly executed old/Shakespearean English."

Posted by: whatBENwatches at September 12, 2009 2:54 PM

Sienna Miller?

Is this a list of people who need to call Jenny?

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at September 12, 2009 3:01 PM

Shakespeare actually wrote in modern English (or as Lindsey said, "Elizabethan English" which defines more the specific slang of the era, not the developmental period of the language). Old English is what Beowulf was written in and is unrecognizable from modern English, to the point that is sounds like a cross between German and Finnish (in my opinion). For those who wonder about Middle English, pick up some Chaucer.

Posted by: Ariel at September 12, 2009 5:48 PM

Weird. My tabs say "Five Great Actresses Who Look Great in Leather" too. Danke schein, Firefox, for the confusion.

So, bad actresses who look great in leather, but no Elizabeth Hurley in Austin Powers? I'll agree Jessica Alba needs to be on the list, but also agree with an earlier poster who suggested a Sin City picture might have worked better.

Posted by: kellyo at September 13, 2009 9:59 AM

j'adore les femmes en cuir

Posted by: moussa at September 29, 2009 10:41 AM

You forgot to add Smallville's Erica Durance to this list. She's terrible, but never fails to pour those beautiful fake tits into some leather for me.

Posted by: Jordan at January 15, 2010 6:42 PM





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