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Are You Pretty? I Can't Tell Under All That F*cking Slap: Five "Dewy-Faced" Starlets In Need Of A Makeup Intervention.

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (33)

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Lacey Chabert—Age 28
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Minka Kelly—Age 31
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Taylor Swift—Age 21
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Hayden Panettiere—Age 21
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Amanda Bynes—Age 25
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Comments

Minka Kelly is my age? I am suddenly filled with much self loathing.

Posted by: Julie at April 12, 2011 4:08 PM

I used the word "slap" that very same way in front of one of my roommates the other day and she looked at me like I had five heads. I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who uses it like that.

Posted by: Sassafrass Green at April 12, 2011 4:18 PM

Katy Perry

Posted by: Riles at April 12, 2011 4:30 PM

Yikes!! Poor little starlets; they'll be sorry when they're older that they didn't take advantage of showing off their glowy young skin when they had the chance. Don't any of these girls have friends to say, "Oh, honey, no."

Posted by: noodlestein at April 12, 2011 4:35 PM

Amanda Bynes looks fucked. Whats wrong with her eyes?

Posted by: Sad Rockstar at April 12, 2011 4:40 PM

Agree with all but Amanda Bynes. Somehow I think less makeup will not help her case.

Posted by: Fredo at April 12, 2011 4:41 PM

Did you guys hear? Taylor Swift was cast in the new Chipmunks movie! True story. The director was all like, "Grumble grumble...why we spendin' so much on CGI grumble grumble?!"
Boom. Hired on the spot.

Posted by: superasente at April 12, 2011 5:25 PM

Fuck you, superasente, stealin' my comment and shit.

Also, Minka Kelly looks like shit.

Posted by: zeke the pig at April 12, 2011 5:33 PM

@Sassafrass Green - I don't get what the title means re: "slap".... can you help a brother out?!

Posted by: Gnaius at April 12, 2011 5:44 PM

Did someone set their Makeup Gun to "Whore"?

That really does seem excessive. Is Hollywood (and the media in general) so lost and obsessed that women cannot be beautiful as is? Because they are, they really are.

Posted by: Wintermute at April 12, 2011 5:49 PM

The more appalling thing is what they pay their makeup artists

Posted by: Amanfa at April 12, 2011 5:51 PM

I've never seen "slap" used that way before. Is this is this usage more prominent in a certain part of the country?

Posted by: kayla at April 12, 2011 5:54 PM

Back in the days of Disco, I joined a sorority at university. One of the girls came downstairs wearing a copy of one of those magazine pages with overdone eyeshadow and her best Danskin disco wrap dress. I was a no makeup / Gunnesax kind of girl. I made a comment to the girl standing next to me that "eyeshadow sister" looked like she had two black eyes. I guess word must have gotten back to her, because the next time I saw her, she was wearing much less makeup and looked at me kinda embarrassed like. I had no idea I had that much power, as I figured I was bottom of the heap at that place.

Posted by: BWeaves at April 12, 2011 5:58 PM

Always makes me wonder if these girls are TRYING to look like blowup dolls.

Seriously, it's like thy're made of shiny plastic.

Posted by: meh at April 12, 2011 6:11 PM

"Slap" might be more familiar to folks who've worked in theater. Maybe. Possibly.

Posted by: coveredinbees at April 12, 2011 6:38 PM

The real shame is that if they did tone it done so that you could actually see the surface of their skin someone would jump on them for a teensy wrinkle or a "blemish" or what have you.

Posted by: FyreHaar at April 12, 2011 7:00 PM

YES!!! Amanda Bynes is the same age as me and she is also something of a fuck up, NICE!

Posted by: Simon at April 12, 2011 7:03 PM

I actually think Hayden Panettiere looks beautiful in the top picture but too made up in the one on the list. The biggest problem here seems to be opaque eyeshadow. It has a place for events but Bynes, for one, wears it like that every day. Lacey Chabert and Minka Kelly are only a touch over the top in my opinion. They need to blend a little better.

Posted by: becks at April 12, 2011 7:05 PM

If you stare at that Amanda Bynes photo it starts to shift around. There is something wrong with her face. I think a ghost lives inside it.

Posted by: wonderbreadhead at April 12, 2011 7:21 PM

Minka Kelly is 31???????
Fuck me sideways. She tingles my special place.

Posted by: supafly at April 12, 2011 7:36 PM

Wonderbread. Awesome.

Posted by: superasente at April 12, 2011 7:59 PM

@Riles:
Fair enough, but Perry has made a (commercial) case for hiding her severe acne...

Posted by: Jerry at April 12, 2011 8:13 PM

Christina Arigula. You need a garden spade to scrape that crud off.

Archie Punjabi on The Good Wife. I love her but waaaaaaaay to much spackle.

Posted by: kirbyjay at April 12, 2011 8:27 PM

With the exception of too much eyeshadow, I don't have a problem with these photos. I wear make up almost every day, even if I'm not at work. I've seen pictures of myself without makeup and it repulses me. Better to wear too much than look like a corpse.

Posted by: Austin at April 12, 2011 9:06 PM

I'm a little lost as to what I'm supposed to find wrong with these pictures. Is it considered cool to find fault with women whose grooming regimen consists of something other than brushing their underarm hair 100 strokes every night?

(And is that 100 total, Jo, or 100 on each side?)

Posted by: Meow at April 12, 2011 11:30 PM

For those who were asking, re: slap, it's a term for makeup. I've seen it used, primarily by clowns.

If this was intended, JR...I tip my hat to you.

Posted by: Shadowen at April 13, 2011 1:53 AM

I second the Christina Aguilera nomination. She needs to lay of the bleaching, too.

Posted by: Even Stevens at April 13, 2011 2:04 AM

Here in Ireland 'slap' is just slang for make-up, almost everybody uses it. And I third whoever suggested Christina Aguilera for this list. Holy Moses.

Posted by: Harley at April 13, 2011 6:03 AM

Does anyone else think that Taylor Swift's makeup makes her look like she believes in unicorns?

On second thought...yeah...probably...

Posted by: KKO at April 13, 2011 6:47 AM

@ Gnaius

"Slap" is slang for heavy make-up ie way too much of it. If you ever read the Fug Girls over on Go Fug Yourself, you'll see it used now and again (mostly about Christina Aguilera).

Posted by: Sassafrass Green at April 13, 2011 9:34 AM

Slap is a british saying, at least, i've always heard it in Britain but my first encounter of Murican's using it was GoFug a few years ago, so yeah, they definitely popularised it.

But yes, 'slap'.
I actually like the 'dewey' look if it's all powders, you can attain that look without four inches of liquid foundation. Someone needs to get them bitches a fuckin' Kabuki brush

Posted by: Nadine at April 13, 2011 12:47 PM

All female celebrities wear this much makeup. Do you really think Natalie Portman isn't slapped to the gills at events? Or Christina Hendricks?

Posted by: samantha t at April 13, 2011 3:52 PM

Evan Rachel Wood - good lord, has her skin seen the light of day in the last five years? I'm all for pale but damn.

Posted by: FyreHaar at April 13, 2011 8:06 PM