Are You F*cking Listening, Hollywood? 14 Ways You Could Have Improved Our Summer At The Movies

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (20)

Have The Pretty Mermaids Take Out Jack Sparrow In A Bloody, Bitey, Scaly, Feeding Frenzy.

Let These Dudes Make Out.

Oh, Oh, These Dudes Too!

And Also The-No, Wait, Sorry, Nevermind.

Don’t Make Your L.A.-based Tech Guy Ask What A Flash Mob Is. It’s Embarrassing.

Stick With The Puffy Lipped Devil You Know.

Don’t Rely On Kyle Chandler To Fix All The Things.

Do Rely On Charlie Day To Fix All The Things.

Buy A Dictionary, Look Up The Word “Final,” Put An End To This Nonsense.

Don’t Waste Our Favorite Gay, He’s A National Treasure.

Go Back In Time, Watch Becoming Jane. This Time With The Sound On. Cast A F*cking English Actress In Your Film.

Arrange A Wardrobe Malfunction.

Hide All The Pants.

No, Seriously, All Of Them.

Oh…Um, Cheers, Hollywood!

Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance

← English, Motherf*cker, Do You Speak It? What You Miss When You Wait For The American Remake. | Box Office Records and Whining Twatwaffles of the MPAA →

Comments

ALLLLLLL the pants!

Posted by: Sara H at August 31, 2011 12:31 AM

Yes to all of this, especially Charlie Day. He actually made me smile during that horrible song "That's Not My Name". Usually there is only anger, coupled with the extreme desire to rip my ears off.

Posted by: Even Stevens at August 31, 2011 12:33 AM

It's like you're reading my mind Joanna, great list, now if only Hollywood would listen.

Posted by: Melody Be at August 31, 2011 12:45 AM

NPH looks like Marky Mark in that movie still. Someone back me up.

Posted by: Trey_Shacksit at August 31, 2011 1:30 AM

NPH looks like Marky Mark in that movie still. Someone back me up.

Word (say hi) to your mother (for me).

Posted by: I Need More Allowance at August 31, 2011 1:33 AM

16. In place of most of these movies, just show The Guard instead.

Posted by: zeke the pig at August 31, 2011 4:39 AM

This is awesome, I loooled. Joanna is the best and thor looks like a shaved werewolf.
Hathaway sounded more like a swarm of bees than a woman from Yorkshire in that film, mind you most of the big name British actresses would have had just as much trouble IMHO most of them can't even manage accents from their own damn country.
end-of-line

Posted by: deidara at August 31, 2011 6:59 AM

I seriously adore Charlie Day. I would totally make him my children's uncle.

Posted by: Agogagogo at August 31, 2011 7:45 AM

I thought Geep was Our Favorite Gay.

Posted by: AmbroseKalifornia at August 31, 2011 9:00 AM

Ambrose,

Geep IS our favorite ghay. We just have to give the non-bitchy and non-scathing people *something* to think is theirs.

But no. Geep's ours. You're right.

Posted by: Green Lantern at August 31, 2011 9:37 AM

They could have just closed all the theaters for three months. That would have helped.

Posted by: , at August 31, 2011 10:01 AM

Combine the Smurfs and Final Destination franchises. People would pay good money to see those little blue (edited for content) die in new and innovative ways. Death by juicer! Death by honey badger! Death by spray tan machine! Death by breaking the fourth wall! Death by huntavirus! Death by steampunk sausage machine! Death by Iphone app!

Posted by: Mrcreosote at August 31, 2011 10:32 AM

Charlie Day really is a one-man delight machine. In addition to elevating HB, he was also the best part of Going the Distance.

Posted by: Skyler Durden at August 31, 2011 11:14 AM

Smurfs: Death By Honey Badger

I think we're onto something here.

Posted by: Rob at August 31, 2011 11:22 AM

Am I the only one who keeps mistaking Chris Hemsworth for Todd Lowe (Terry Bellefleur in True Blood)?

Posted by: Rebecca at August 31, 2011 12:46 PM

Geep isn't just Murica's favourite gay, let's not forget that. He's the favouritest gay of ALL THE COUNTRIES.

Posted by: Nadine at August 31, 2011 12:59 PM

Fun list. I missed almost all the big summer movies this year, but I feel that I got my entertainment's worth just from this.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at August 31, 2011 2:08 PM

Where does one get a Steampunk Sausage Machine?
Hammaker Schlemmer (really don't care about the spelling) catalogue?

Posted by: antietam at August 31, 2011 3:50 PM

Gah, I forgot how much I enjoyed Thor. Thanks for the reminder. Oh the pretty.

Posted by: Anne At Large at August 31, 2011 7:25 PM

I agree very strongly with everything on this list.

Especially about the pants.

Posted by: MM at August 31, 2011 9:10 PM

Pajiba

Pajiba: Reviews, Commentary, Angst

Are You F*cking Listening, Hollywood? 14 Ways You Could Have Improved Our Summer At The Movies

Comments