By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (92)
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Posted by: van68 at November 8, 2011 3:11 PM
Step off Wings, fella. Other than that, sure.
Posted by: dahlia6 at November 8, 2011 3:14 PM
“Wings” was not very funny.
I will cut out your liver and fill the cavity with rabid wasps for that.
Posted by: TK at November 8, 2011 3:14 PM
I suspect that just before Mr. Rowles penned this gem he uttered the phrase, "I can make a total stranger say 'Bullshit!' out loud more than twenty times."
If my suspicion is correct... well played, Sir.
Posted by: Clitty Magoo at November 8, 2011 3:15 PM
•The best brilliant-but-cancelled series of the last three years was “Better Off Ted Terriers.”
Posted by: JH at November 8, 2011 3:15 PM
The ratings for the Kardashian Sisters reality show are generated entirely by spambots.
Ta da!
Posted by: Ghisent at November 8, 2011 3:18 PM
I kind of hope Ann and Ron . . . . Just me?
Posted by: Amberlark at November 8, 2011 3:19 PM
Fay Evelyn Schlob Dumbly DeVay Cochran is a saint!
Posted by: Jast at November 8, 2011 3:21 PM
Jack Harkness from “Torchwood” is the greatest gay TV Character of all time, but Max from “Happy Endings” is running a close second.
I have never seen Torchwood, so I can't comment. As much as I love "Happy Endings" and like Max, he is no Omar Little.
Posted by: Forbiddendonut at November 8, 2011 3:21 PM
The best brilliant-but-cancelled series of the last three years was “Better Off Ted.”
THANK YOU!
Everyone watch it on netflix asap.
Posted by: Victoria at November 8, 2011 3:22 PM
•The best brilliant-but-cancelled series of the last three years was “Better Off Ted Terriers.”
Posted by: JH at November 8, 2011 3:15 PM
Roger that.
Posted by: ed newman at November 8, 2011 3:24 PM
Oh, yea. Anyone watching 'Big Bang' instead of 'Community' has just failed the world's most obvious IQ test.
And 'Better Off Ted' still plays nightly in my dreams. Because Portia; she is so very, very pretty.
Katie Aselton cuter than Alyson Hannigan? You sure 'bout that?
Dr. Drew is made of pure evil. So eveil I still suspect he had something to do with the creation of 'Two And Half Men.' And probably also 'Whtney. Maybe even Tim Allen's new show! Yes, just THAT evil!
Posted by: greg at November 8, 2011 3:24 PM
Personally, I liked Captain Jack when he was pansexual.
He'd fuck a hole in the Space-Time Continuum.
Posted by: Odnon. at November 8, 2011 3:24 PM
The best brilliant but cancelled show is
TERRIERS
TERRIERS
TERRIERS
TERRIERS
TERRIERS
TERRIERS
TERRIERS
TERRIERS
TERRIERS
TERRIERS
TERRIERS
TERRIERS
TERRIERS
dagnabbit!
Jack is not gay, he will fuck any old sexy looking gender that wanders across his path.
Omar Little, then David Fisher then Max.
Posted by: PyD at November 8, 2011 3:28 PM
I would dispute this one:
Jack Harkness from “Torchwood” is the greatest gay TV Character of all time
Posted by: TS at November 8, 2011 3:29 PM
Though such a character was never featured on the show, no one would’ve been better cast as Ann’s father than Mitt Romney.
Ann who? I thought Perkins, but the past tense made me think otherwise...
...and if the vagueness was intentional AD joke entrapment, well done, sir.
Posted by: GroverJefferson at November 8, 2011 3:29 PM
Jim Bob Duggar is irresponsible. Michelle Duggar is a brainwashed Christian, being spousally abused with sperm every 18 months or so.
Posted by: Courtney at November 8, 2011 3:31 PM
Amy Acker > Alyson Hannigan > Katie Aselton.
Posted by: The Kilted Yaksman at November 8, 2011 3:33 PM
Zooey Deschanel’s Jess is only the fourth best character on “The New Girl.” Jake M. Johnson’s Nick is the best.
I concur, and Schmidt is my second favorite. On a slightly related note, I would very much like to see Nick's bing-bong.
We need to make that Alfonso/Donald dance contest happen!
Posted by: MelBivDevoe at November 8, 2011 3:34 PM
Fun list, thanks. One small correction for #2: you spelled Alison Brie wrong.
Posted by: jon29 at November 8, 2011 3:34 PM
NOTHING on USA is worse than Royal Pains.
Posted by: Gabs at November 8, 2011 3:36 PM
I was all ready to get my mad on, but I find I have very little opinion on almost all of these. I highly doubt Terra Nova is THE most unwatchable show on TV, though I'll admit it's probably the worst show I'm watching right now. I guess dinosaurs will always be my heroin.
Posted by: Todd at November 8, 2011 3:38 PM
Terriers
Terriers
Terriers
Terriers
Terriers
Terriers
Terriers
Terriers
Terriers
Terriers
Terriers
Terriers
Terriers
Terriers
Terriers
Terriers
I wonder how long I can do this before Dustin bans me.
Posted by: lubeg at November 8, 2011 3:39 PM
Didn't Alan Tudyk play Ann's father on AD?
Posted by: Scourgie at November 8, 2011 3:39 PM
It can't be Ann Veal; her father was featured on the show. He had to lock that down.
Posted by: Dumily at November 8, 2011 3:40 PM
I'm with JH, Ed Newman and PyD on the Terriers love. That show was killer.
Posted by: prairiegirl at November 8, 2011 3:40 PM
I've never seen "Torchwood" but I've seen "Six Feet Under" and would like to nominate David Fisher for best gay character. Or the Todd. Also, Amber from Parenthood for worst hair on TV right now. And you can't claim a "Seinfeld" character to be the funniest and then say that no one can deny it, no matter which one it is. That's just asking for trouble.
Posted by: Me at November 8, 2011 3:53 PM
I do have to take issue with your USA rankings. No matter how inconsistent it can be, Burn Notice is neck and neck with Psych. I could watch Michael, Fiona and Sam kick ass for 5 more seasons at least.
Posted by: Mel C. at November 8, 2011 3:56 PM
No, Dustin, hipsters are watching "Community". Real nerds are watching "Futurama" and quoting if it's a re-run.
Posted by: Darth Darko at November 8, 2011 4:02 PM
Dave Holmes Donal Logue is the best talking head on the VH1 nostalgia specials.
There. Fixed.
Posted by: MonkeyHateClean at November 8, 2011 4:03 PM
Just to be clear, Jack Harkness is bisexual, so I think Max still wins best homosexual male of Television
Posted by: Travis at November 8, 2011 4:04 PM
And is that a Tabitha Soren doppelganger in the header image today?
Posted by: MonkeyHateClean at November 8, 2011 4:05 PM
TK covered my disapproval mutilation threat regarding your opinion on Wings.
Posted by: Paultera at November 8, 2011 4:07 PM
Mel C. Is Aziz Ansari's cousin Harris.
Posted by: John G. at November 8, 2011 4:08 PM
Zooey Deschanel’s Jess is only the fourth best character on “The New Girl.” Jake M. Johnson’s Nick is the best.
I really, really, really want Nick and Jess to get together. I know that is very romcom of me, but I don't care.
Lucas Neff, who plays Jimmy Chance on “Raising Hope” has the worst haircut on television right now.
And sadly, it's an improvement over last season's hair cut.
“Psych” is the best USA original series, followed by “Suits.” “Necessary Roughness” is the worst.
DUDE! You did left off "White Collar!" Thanks to our own Sarah Carlson, I now know the joy that show can bring.
Posted by: tamatha at November 8, 2011 4:10 PM
No love for Donald from Brothers? (Skip to 4:00 for the full effect).
Posted by: Three-nineteen at November 8, 2011 4:11 PM
Stupid HTML
Posted by: Paultera at November 8, 2011 4:12 PM
LEAVE. WINGS. ALONE.
Other than that - agreed.
Posted by: banDanna at November 8, 2011 4:16 PM
OK, who again is in charge of the Pajiba cards? Is it T.K? I just need to know who to hand it to when I say, "Who's Ann?"
Posted by: Shonda at November 8, 2011 4:18 PM
Nerds may watch Community, but geeks prefer The IT Crowd to Big Bang Theory.
Big Bang Theory isn't a show for nerds. It is a show for normies to laugh at nerds.
Posted by: imk at November 8, 2011 4:25 PM
I like The New Girl, but it is obviously doomed. Four episodes in, and they did the old 'accidentally see the roommate naked' schtick. Alas, poor Zooey.
Posted by: TheOtherGreg at November 8, 2011 4:38 PM
Also, I enjoy Fururama, Community, and The Big Bang Theory. So I'm a nerdy hipster faux-geek?
Posted by: TheOtherGreg at November 8, 2011 4:40 PM
What about Monk? Psych is good...but Monk was fantastic.
Posted by: kbot at November 8, 2011 4:45 PM
Also, if he had any money, Senor Chang would drive a windowless white van.
Posted by: TheOtherGreg at November 8, 2011 4:50 PM
Just to be clear, Jack Harkness is bisexual
Not bi. Omni. Jack is OMNIsexual.
Posted by: Jast at November 8, 2011 5:02 PM
Obvious trolling for the hit count, and I don't even know enough about half the shows you mention to comment on most of it.
That said:
-The best brilliant-but-cancelled series of the past three years was Kings.
-Psych is the best USA Original Series right now. The best ever would be between Monk and The Dead Zone.
-Michael Ian Black is the best talking hea on those VH1 specials.
I really don't have much to add other than that.
Posted by: ChristianH at November 8, 2011 5:36 PM
Becker has the greatest scene-transition guitar riffs in the history of television.
Posted by: Frankie B. at November 8, 2011 5:42 PM
"I like The New Girl, but it is obviously doomed. Four episodes in, and they did the old 'accidentally see the roommate naked' schtick. Alas, poor Zooey."
Yes, but what they did with that stale cliche was hilarious, as Schmidt became bitter about being the only roommate who hadn't seen Nick naked and kept plotting ways to see it.
Posted by: Craig at November 8, 2011 6:08 PM
F/X? C'mon! It's HBO, and it's not even close.
I won't be in that 70 percent that goes back to The Killing...I hope.
Posted by: DarthCorleone at November 8, 2011 6:12 PM
Thank you Jast. That's exactly what I was going to say.
He's the only and best omnisexual character on television. (As far as I know.)
Some of these I don't know about.
But I love me some Community. The only thing I watched on USA was Monk.
Posted by: Candee at November 8, 2011 6:14 PM
OH! And in regards to The Killing...
I'm only going to watch the first episode, just to see who they chose to do it. If they don't reveal it even in the first episode of the second season, I'm not even going to bother with finding out who did it. I'll just go watch the Danish one...or where ever the original came from. I've had it downloaded for MONTHS and haven't watched it yet.
Posted by: Candee at November 8, 2011 6:15 PM
"Yes, but what they did with that stale cliche was hilarious, as Schmidt became bitter about being the only roommate who hadn't seen Nick naked and kept plotting ways to see it."
Craig,
That 70's Show did that in season 4... Fez & Hyde walked in on Donna, but Kelso's back was turned and he missed it. Kelso kept bursting into Donna's room trying to see her, and at the end of the episode she just ended up flashing him.
Posted by: Still Cathy After All These Years at November 8, 2011 6:16 PM
@ Craig
I wasn't trying to be a butthead by pointing that out. I don't watch The New Girl, but I'm sure the gag was still hilarious. I still laugh when I see that episode of That 70's show.
Posted by: Still Cathy After All These Years at November 8, 2011 6:21 PM
*AHEM!* I don't mean to brag (yeah, totally do), but my Carlton dance brings all the boys and girls to the yard. Fo'shizzle. I have actually gotten numbers in clubs JUST because I can do the Carlton dance. It's ridiculous.
Omar Little is the greatest character on television. Gay, straight or bi. Also what's this shit of calling bisexual (or omnisexual) people gay? My sister does it with me just to annoy me.
Posted by: Joker at November 8, 2011 6:43 PM
I dont think facts mean what you think they mean.
For example my best friend is 6"4" tall, weighs 145 lbs, has glasses, built his own computer, married the first woman that had sex with him, once asked on a first date what the girl thought of "Global Thermonuculear Warfare", and lastly makes a living doing computer security.
If that's not a NERD then nerds dont exist. And he loves Big Bang Theory. Sorry Dustin just because you hate Big Bang doesn't make it a bad show.
Posted by: logan at November 8, 2011 6:47 PM
If being a nerdy hipster faux-geek is wrong, TheOtherGreg, I don't want to be right.
Posted by: meaux at November 8, 2011 7:01 PM
I’m pretty much sure that I will not be back for Killing next season. I just don’t care anymore. I stopped care somewhere around 6-7 episode. I didn’t knew that there will be one case during whole 13 episodes. I thought it was another interesting criminal show. And they would have new case every other 2-3 episodes. I would not start watching it if I knew.
And I was just happy that finally in the last episode they will reveal who killed that stupid Rosie and we will move on to second season.
And since Rosie’s murder will be solved – our detectives will get new case next season and finally those horrible and boring politician and Rosie’s grieving parents will be gone forever.
And then they did THAT at the end. Which means that they will stick those parents and politician in our faces next season too. And I just don’t care.
And I so agree about Terra Nova. I officially hate it. I watched 6 episodes. I waited it to become better. But it didn’t. And from last week I officially quit Terra Nova. I didn’t watched thise week and don’t plan too.
Posted by: Shy at November 8, 2011 7:08 PM
"The best brilliant-but-cancelled series of the last three years was 'Better Off Ted.'"
Disagree. Pushing Daisies.
Posted by: AnnArrogance at November 8, 2011 7:10 PM
Who is the woman in the header pic?
And Wings was NOT funny.
Posted by: vhrico at November 8, 2011 7:39 PM
This just in (heh) - the Duggars just announced they're having baby #20. Topics of discussion - when does one stop having children if the family can afford and care for them all? When the risk of severe disabilities overrides the possibility of a "normal" baby? Never? Ten babies ago? Should we legislate reproductive rights at all? Does your answer change when you know that we passed the 7 billion mark (people on the planet) this Halloween, and current growth rates will have the planet at 14 billion in 50 years?
Erm, my apologies. I teach environmental science, and we just started our human population unit. This is going to be excellent case study fodder.
Posted by: Kati at November 8, 2011 7:40 PM
Hey "me", I think Hattie's Hair is SO much worse than Amber's!
Amber's hair is looking up this season and moving away from her ode to some other era look and into that short little blond do.
Poor Hattie's rocking a bad 80's perm.
Ugly ugly ugly dated hair on a pretty girl.
On a Parenthood/dance note, I love watching Adam dance.
I will only watch the first episode of The Killing as well.
If reviews are good I'll pick it back up, but I'm not going along blindly for the ride again.
Posted by: K at November 8, 2011 7:41 PM
Beautifully said, Kati.
Someone I know just asked why the Duggars get so much bile and I just about read her the riot act on the environmental impact of so many kids. Not to mention, how could anyone possibly care appropriately for so many? You may be able to afford clothes and food, but what about individual time and care for their emotional health? Incredibly irresponsible on many levels.
Posted by: sweetfrancaise at November 8, 2011 7:47 PM
I have no opinion on any of these topics. Which is strangely terrifying to me. I'm not outraged, defensive or rushing to type a counterpoint to some arcane point in one of the facts. be right back, I'm going to check if I died and got all zombified..........nope, brains still taste nasty. Must be low blood sugar.
Posted by: mrcreosote at November 8, 2011 8:15 PM
I disagree with all of these except for the one about Lucas Neff's Hair
Posted by: Ignacio at November 8, 2011 8:49 PM
Jast is spot on. Jack himself said he is Omnisexual.
Posted by: noo at November 8, 2011 9:05 PM
I gotta go with logan on this. I can out-nerd 2/3rds of the Pajiba faithful (oh yes), and *I* like "Big Bang Theory".
Though I will admit to liking "Community" if I saw it...but there's only so much time, y'know? Hell I didn't even start watching "Big Bang" until season 3.
Posted by: Green Lantern at November 8, 2011 9:07 PM
AMC>F/X
Posted by: camytaru at November 8, 2011 10:06 PM
Another FACT no one denies: Dustin Rowles is a great big hit troller. Shamelessly so, in fact.
Posted by: Uriah Creep at November 8, 2011 10:51 PM
am i the only person who loves anne perkins? come on its rashida jones! she is solid in that role as leslie's best friend.
Posted by: Alyson at November 8, 2011 10:53 PM
@sweetfrancaise - here's a counterpoint. If you are someone who wants the government to stay out of a woman's womb (i.e. - keeping current family planning options legal), then we need to stay out of *every* woman's womb, including those who choose to have 20 children. Laws are meant to protect all of the US's citizens, even if you do not agree with their personal, legal choices.
Posted by: Kati at November 8, 2011 11:02 PM
The ratings for the Kardashian sisters' show are generated by horny guys too lazy to get off the couch and look up porn on the computer and who can't find anything else on tv at 2:30 in the afternoon...holds head in shame.
Posted by: Dave at November 8, 2011 11:22 PM
all y'all who are saying such and such is better than Suits on USA haven't watched Suits yet. WATCH IT. Some episodes are free on Hulu. So so good. Sexy, witty, compelling good.
Posted by: kidtiger at November 8, 2011 11:50 PM
I'd like to state that I said I'd watch season two of The Killing but I changed my mind. I did reasearch on the original and even though I will never watch it, I'm not being manipulated again like that. They can shove it.
Mad Men is next on my list. They think they can just disappear for however long they've been gone and I'm gona pick back up with them? Pffftttttt
Posted by: Candy at November 9, 2011 12:22 AM
Yeah, Kati, we went over that too. I don't want my rights (or anyone else's, for that matter) infringed upon, so the Duggars will continue procreating. This doesn't change Dustin's irrefutable television fact, however!
Posted by: sweetfrancaise at November 9, 2011 12:31 AM
I think the most unwatchable show title goes to Ringer.
And I second Michael Ian Black as the best VH1 talking head.
Posted by: Even Stevens at November 9, 2011 12:39 AM
Just to be clear, normies watch The Big Bang Theory to laugh at people who are somewhere on the autism spectrum, prompted only by a shitty-ass laugh track.
Terriers fucking ruled.
The most unwatchable show on TV is Whitney. At least you can laugh at Terra Nova.
Posted by: jayco at November 9, 2011 12:45 AM
Great list, but I'd go with Raffi before Frank.
I like Dr. Drew, but I have to agree. That and some of his advice is based on his personal morals and beliefs and not legitimate healthcare advice. I'm looking at you, anal sex.
Posted by: Protoguy at November 9, 2011 12:49 AM
nerdy hipster faux-geeks unite!
Posted by: cinekat at November 9, 2011 7:13 AM
Jewel Staite > Amy Acker > Alyson Hannigan > Katie Aselton.
Posted by: FabMax at November 9, 2011 8:09 AM
Of all the characters on television, Danny DeVito’s character on “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” is the one most likely to own a windowless van in real life. Raffi on “The League” runs a close second.
Raffi DOES have a windowless van. Wasn't that proven in the Bobbum Man episode?
Posted by: SaBrina at November 9, 2011 8:35 AM
Wait....I'm a nerd?
Posted by: grumpiestoldman at November 9, 2011 9:15 AM
Ok, OK, I give up. How do I watch "Parks and Recreation" and "Community" in the UK? I want to see what you people are talking about!
Posted by: hazbear01 at November 9, 2011 9:30 AM
I'm still obsessing over the chick in the header pic. Who is she? I want to internet stalk her.
Posted by: vhrico at November 9, 2011 11:08 AM
It kind of looks like Zooey Deschanel with short hair
Posted by: Even Stevens at November 9, 2011 3:28 PM
@ Even Steven
hmmm.. maybe. I looked up "Zooey Deschanel sailor" and got this:
http://rustnbones.wordpress.com/2011/05/18/new-zooey-deschanel-tv-show-new-girl/zooey-deschanel-sailor-wink/
Posted by: vhrico at November 9, 2011 4:29 PM
(Michelle Duggar??? really???) TERESA GUIDICE of Real Housewives of New Jersey is the most irresponsible reality show personality on TV.
The best brilliant-but-cancelled series of the last three years was
TERRIERS
TERRIERS
TERRIERS
TERRIERS
TERRIERS
TERRIERS
TERRIERS
Posted by: tracey8051 at November 9, 2011 6:11 PM
Costanza sucked donkey ass .... Kramer was da man on that show.
Jerry was whiny, Elaine was bitchy, Newman was creepy, Costanza was just fucked ....
Posted by: handy_man at November 9, 2011 6:21 PM
Gay, straight or bi. Also what's this shit of calling bisexual (or omnisexual) people gay?
Yeah, that.
Posted by: Sara H at November 9, 2011 6:28 PM
That's one fight you might have to wait a while on. I believe most people don't recognize the distinction. If you have sex with the same sex, you are gay, regardless of whether you then go back to the opposite sex. Does homosexual mean you have sex with the same sex or does it mean you only have sex with the same sex?
And yes, Raffi was outed in the Bobbum episode.
Posted by: Protoguy at November 9, 2011 11:31 PM
I can see not agreeing with the Duggars' lifestyle...but come on! Michelle Duggar is THE most irresponsible person on reality TV? Maybe I've just watched too much "My Super Sweet 16"...or "Intervention"...or "Mob Wives"...or "Living Lohan"...but any of those people seem a million times worse than the Duggars. Those people are entitled, spoiled, excessively wealthy, violent, and pretty much all-around loathsome. Michelle Duggar has a lot of kids, yeah, but she and her husband support them, educate them, and seem to spend a heckuva lot of time with them seeing as they're home-schooled. And the Duggar kids seem likeable, well-socialized and well-behaved. Hate their lifestyle all you want, but I'm pretty sure Jedidiah won't be car-jacking me in ten years.
Also, Community and Mad Men are some pretty white shows too.
Posted by: Wifeytini at November 10, 2011 10:57 AM
Now that's what i call an excellent write-up! Nice job dude :)
Posted by: pot seeds at November 11, 2011 2:37 PM
No one knew that was Zooey Deschanel?
Pathetic.
Posted by: Jay at December 20, 2011 12:30 PM
That's Rosie Larsen, not Palmer, but an understandable mistake.
Ooops. Yes, of course. Noted and corrected. And to the many of you who inevitably chime in to say that Omar Little is the second best gay character (or first), well, I have no defense except a lapse in logic. -- DR