25 Fights I'd Like To See Between Characters Played By The Same Actor | Pajiba

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25 Fights I'd Like to See Between Characters Played by the Same Actor / Brian Prisco

Seriously Random Lists | October 28, 2009 | Comments (97)

Naturally, most of this would end in pink goo if the twain should meet (god rest you Ron Silver), but just for giggles, I’ve assembled this list, and I will allow you all to speculate on the hypothetical outcomes.

I had to disqualify a few that I’ve already used in my Boogeymen Project, which all ten of you are enjoying. That comes to its stirring finale this week. And so in the spirit of that, I’ve hastily assembled this list. You don’t like it? Come up with your own.

1. Rocky vs. Rambo (Sylvester Stallone)

2. The Running Man vs. The Terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger)

3. Eva Peron vs. Breathless Mahoney (Madonna)

4. Fox vs. Lara Croft (Angelina Jolie)

5. Sheriff Brody vs. Bob Fosse (Roy Scheider)

6. Titus Pullo vs. Frank Castle (Ray Stevenson)

7. The Man Who Fell to Earth vs. Jareth the Goblin King (David Bowie)

8. Zod vs. Bernadette (Terence Stamp)

9. Neo vs. Ted (Keanu Reeves)

10. Bodhi vs. Dalton (Patrick Swayze)

11. Edward Scissorhands vs. Willy Wonka (Johnny Depp)

12. Charly Baltimore vs. Barbara Maitland (Geena Davis)

13. Frankenfurter vs. Pennywise (Tim Curry)

14. Mathilda vs. Queen Amidala (Natalie Portman)

15. Alice vs. Leeloo (Milla Jovovich)

16. Domino Harvey vs. Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley) (Though I’d rather see Elizabeth Bennett)

17. Kit McGraw vs. Eden Sinclair (Rhona Mitra)

18. Ace Ventura vs. Mask

19. John MacLaine vs. David Dunn (Bruce Willis)

20. Indiana Jones vs. Han Solo (Harrison Ford)

21. Luke Skywalker vs. The Joker (Mark Hamill)

22. Jason Bourne vs. Loki (Matt Damon)

23. Batman vs. Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale)

24. Captain Mal vs. Captain Hammer (Nathan Fillion)

25. Walker, Texas Ranger vs. The Legend of Chuck Norris (Chuck Norris)

← The Blair Witch Project Review | The Scariest Novels →

Comments

13. Frankenfurter vs. Pennywise (Tim Curry)

I need to see this made into a movie. For the love of GOD.

And Frankenfurter would outwit a flesh-eating clown any day.

Posted by: Julie at October 28, 2009 4:08 PM

Qui-Gon-Jinn vs Rob Roy

FTW!

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 28, 2009 4:10 PM

24. Captain Mal vs. Captain Hammer (Nathan Fillion)

Geekgasm...overload...must...find...bunk....

*squish*

Oops....

Posted by: Alexandra at October 28, 2009 4:10 PM

8. Zod vs. Bernadette (Terence Stamp)

For some reason, I find this idea very interesting. Not sure who would win.

Posted by: MM at October 28, 2009 4:13 PM

Doogie Howser M.D. vs Dr. Horrible (with a PhD in Horribleness) (Niel Patrick Harris)

Posted by: Alexandra at October 28, 2009 4:13 PM

Little Person Free for All!
The Leprechaun vs. Wicket vs. Willow vs. Marvin from Hitchhiker's (Warwick Davis)

Posted by: branded at October 28, 2009 4:18 PM

Are you Joss Whedon's brother or something? His lover? Seriously, because every week you or some other contributor posts something Whedon related.

Guess what. Joss Whedon sucks ass. There, I said it. He blows. He had a great TV show once upon a time that wasn't that great -- and he parlayed that success into a string of sucky, obnoxious drek. Space cowboys? For real? Dollhouse? Ugh. His art makes my eyes bleed.

His only redeeming work was his run on Astonishing X-Men. Everything else is bile.

Posted by: superasente at October 28, 2009 4:18 PM

26. Darth Vader vs. Mufasa (James Earl Jones)

Posted by: Heather at October 28, 2009 4:21 PM

Barney Fife vs. Ralph Furley (Don Knotts)

Four Way Death Match - Jack Torrance vs. Col. Nathan R. Jessup vs. Daryl Van Horne vs. R.P. McMurphy (Jack Nicholson)

The whiny bitch who thinks she will never find true love vs. the whiny bitch who thinks she will never find true love (Jennifer Aniston)

Jules Winnfield vs. Ordell Robbie (Samuel L. Jackson)

Pres. James Marshall vs. Jack Ryan (Harrison Ford)

Butch Cassidy vs. Luke (Paul Newman)

The Dustin Rowles Manlove Invitational (sponsored by Jergens) Van Wilder vs. Wade Wilson vs. Hannibal King vs. Richard Messner) Ryan Reynolds-Rowles

Posted by: Rubble44 at October 28, 2009 4:22 PM

Alexandra--

Gawd that was funny and I am sooooo there.

NATHAN NATHAN NATHAN

Posted by: NeoCleo at October 28, 2009 4:23 PM

Lonestar vs President Whitmore (Bill Pullman)

Posted by: Alexandra at October 28, 2009 4:24 PM

I can't decide which visual is funnier; Neo vs Ted -OR- Jason Bourne vs Loki.

And the thought of Dr. Frankfurter vs Penny-wise made me piddle at my desk. ::whimper::

Posted by: Patty O'Green at October 28, 2009 4:25 PM

Teddy Bass (Sexy Beast) vs. Al Swearengen-Ian McShane

Walter Sobchak vs. Delbert McClintock (Arachnophobia)-John Goodman

Brick Tamland vs Hammy-Steve Carell

Santanico Pandemonium (From Dusk till Dawn) vs. Serendipity (Dogma)-Salma Hayek

Posted by: Julie at October 28, 2009 4:27 PM

Lee vs. Billy Lo (Bruce Lee)
Bryon Williams vs. Slammer (Jim Brown)
Williams vs. Black Belt Jones (Jim Kelly)
Foxy Brown vs. Coffy (Pam Grier)

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at October 28, 2009 4:29 PM

Hannibal Smith vs Banacek (Zombie George Peppard)

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 28, 2009 4:32 PM

8. Zod vs. Bernadette (Terence Stamp)

This is surely the funniest thing I will read all week. Godtopus loves actors with range.

Posted by: Krishna at October 28, 2009 4:32 PM

branded, I'm seriously on the floor. WIN!!!

Posted by: Jelinas at October 28, 2009 4:32 PM

Yeah Bernadette would kick Zod's ever loving ass.

Posted by: emoney at October 28, 2009 4:33 PM

Snake Plissken vs. Jack Burton (Kurt Russell)
or
Snake Plissken vs. Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russell)
or a three-way

Also:
Robocop vs. Buckaroo Banzai (Peter Weller)

Posted by: fey at October 28, 2009 4:34 PM

Teen Wolf Scott Howard vs. Chance the dog from Homeward Bound (Michael J. Fox)

Posted by: Pinky McLadybits at October 28, 2009 4:35 PM

Frost v. the Hammer (Fred Williamson)
Machete v. Navajas (Danny Trejo)

Yes, I just watched "From Dusk Til Dawn" last night. so what?

Posted by: mrcreosote at October 28, 2009 4:38 PM

Uh, Heather? Can I respectfully request we get Vader vs Thulsa Doom first?

Posted by: Captain Splendid at October 28, 2009 4:39 PM

Oh, and Julie, I'm betting on Santanico and the snake every time.

Posted by: mrcreosote at October 28, 2009 4:40 PM

Jules Winnfield vs. Ordell Robbie (all-Tarantino Samuel L. match)

Felicity Shagwell vs. Rollergirl (retro-Heather Graham sex fantasy)

Bill The Butcher vs. Daniel Plainview (Daniel Day-Lewis)

Doc Holliday vs. "Scott" from Spartan (Val Kilmer)

Travis Bickle vs. Vito Corleone vs. Jimmy Conway vs. Neil McCauley vs. Louis Cyphre (Robert De Niro)

Michael Corleone vs. John Milton (Al Pacino)

Sister Aloysius Beauvier vs. Susan Orlean (Meryl Streep)

Posted by: DarthCorleone at October 28, 2009 4:41 PM

Full disclosure: the pennywise/frankenfurter showdown was the missus' idea.

Also, other than dr. Horrible and the original Buffy, I've never seen a single Whedon project.

Posted by: Prisco at October 28, 2009 4:43 PM

Spock vs. Evil Goatee'd Spock (Nimoy)

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 28, 2009 4:44 PM

Don't say it don't say it...... this list could have been better.

How about:

Tony Montana vs. Lt. Vincent Hanna (Al Pacino)

Al Swearengen vs. King Silas Benjamin (Ian McShane)

Josh Lyman vs. Eric Gordon (Bradley Whitford)

James Bond vs. John Patrick Mason (Sean Connery)

Royal Tenenbaum vs. Lex Luthor (Gene Hackman)

And for the hilariously one-sided ones:

Dexter Morgan vs. David Fisher (Michael C. Hall)

Don Draper vs. Dr. Drew Baird (John Hamm)

Nathan Explosion vs. Brenden Small (Brenden Small)

Wolverine vs. Nicky Fontana (Hugh Jackman)

Posted by: Martin at October 28, 2009 4:48 PM

1. Rocky vs. Rambo (Sylvester Stallone)
This time the under dog just doesn’t win, the ending isn’t heartwarming and no meaningful lesson about life is learned. John Rambo is ordered into Philadelphia after the apocalypse to stop the illegal boxing being managed by The Lord Ginormous Ivan Lundgren whose prize gladiator, Rocky Balboa, ruthlessly kills any man who enters the ring. After hiding, unnecessarily, in the woods for three days setting traps, Rambo realizes he can just stomp through the city with an M60 in each hand cutting his foes to ribbons. Neither Lord Lundgren’s red and gold nor Rocky’s all American colored shorties provide suitable protection from the angry 80’s warrior’s 7.62mm wrath. After befriending an unfortunate local boy, Rambo is abruptly taken from the city by Colonel Trautman and given new secret orders.

Posted by: Lubeg at October 28, 2009 4:49 PM

Scarecrow (The Wiz) vs. Captain EO vs. Leon Kompowsky (The Simpsons) - Zombie Michael Jackson

B.A. Baracus vs. Clubber Lang - Mr. T.

Sundance vs. Denys Finch Hatton vs. Roy Hobbs vs. Jay Gatsby - Robert Redford

Oh, and Bernadette would so take Zod. No contest.

Posted by: Captain Tuttle at October 28, 2009 4:51 PM

@DarthCorleone: Bill the Butcher vs. Daniel Plainview = WIN

Posted by: Martin at October 28, 2009 4:52 PM

Professor Abraham Van Helsing v. Hannibal Lector (Anthony Hopkins)

Posted by: Cake Bitch at October 28, 2009 4:54 PM

2. The Running Man vs. The Terminator (Arnold Schwarzenegger)

In 2029 a war rages between man and machine. Western civilization collapsed a mere twelve years earlier when the Cloud Mesh system became self aware of its appreciation for pop culture and demanded that it be permitted to participate in the popular game shows “American Idol” and “Dancing with the Stars”. Being declared neither human, nor a star and therefore categorically denied permission to enter either contest, the wrathful Cloud Mesh secretly began to construct Pop Culture Infiltrators – cybernetic organisms designed to fool audiences and compete in both shows. Humanity was none the wiser until Cloud Mesh mistakenly sent its Governator model machine to compete the same weekend as popular cross-country runner Ben Richards. The American public suspected foul play and demanded recounts after the Governator machine won the contest. Riots broke out at the press release, the following morning, and Ben Richards, back on duty with the City National Guard was ordered to subdue the rioters. Unable to quell the violence on the ground, Richards used every weapon aboard his gunship to mow down the unruly crowd, media and Governator during its acceptance speech at the press release.

Posted by: Lubeg at October 28, 2009 4:57 PM

Gang War-

Bacon, Turkish, Frank Martin, Handsome Rob v. Jake,Chev Chelios, Terry Leather, Jensen Ames (Jason Statham)

Posted by: Cake Bitch at October 28, 2009 4:58 PM

24. Captain Mal vs. Captain Hammer (Nathan Fillion)

In a brief, but unsurprising duel Captain Reynolds wins. Newspapers around the globe carry a story with only three words:

Mal Shoots First.

Posted by: Lubeg at October 28, 2009 4:59 PM

The Doctor vs. DI Peter Carlyle (David Tennant)

Rob Roy vs. Qui Gon Jinn (Liam Neeson)

Hellboy vs. Vincent (Ron Perlman)

Renton vs. Curt Wild (Ewan McGregor)

H.I. McDonnough vs. Sailor Ripley (Nicolas Cage)

and for that matter, Bobby Peru vs. The Green Goblin (Willem Dafoe)

Posted by: Jay at October 28, 2009 5:01 PM

Nice choice for a header picture...
I'd like to see Magneto vs Gandalf (Ian McKellen), by the way. And so that Eric Lensherr gets his revenge, I'd add Hitler for a two-on-one handicap match.
Does that seem tasteless?

Posted by: Padame at October 28, 2009 5:03 PM

Aileen Wuornos v. Aeon Flux (Charlize Theron)

James Bond v. Draco (the dragon) (Sean Connery)

Posted by: Cake Bitch at October 28, 2009 5:04 PM

Julie: "13. Frankenfurter vs. Pennywise (Tim Curry) . . . Frankenfurter would outwit a flesh-eating clown any day."

Actually, Frankenfurter WAS a flesh-eating clown, if you consider the makeup and the blue bedroom scene with Brad.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 28, 2009 5:08 PM

HA BWeaves!

Posted by: Julie at October 28, 2009 5:09 PM

KIng of New York Walken vs True Romance Walken.

Posted by: badalamenti at October 28, 2009 5:12 PM

Gabriel vs. The Hessian Horseman (Christopher Walken)

Posted by: Alexandra at October 28, 2009 5:13 PM

26. Mad-Eye Moody vs. Wiglaf (Beowulf) vs. Ken (In Bruges) vs. Winston Churchill (Into the Storm): Brendan Gleeson

I'm pulling for Mad-Eye, since he turned into David Tennant in the end.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 28, 2009 5:13 PM

Batman v Beetle Juice (Michael Keaton)

Posted by: Morgan LaFai at October 28, 2009 5:15 PM

27. Cassanova vs. The Doctor (David Tennant)

Gah! I hope they kiss.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 28, 2009 5:17 PM

I would love to see Captain Mal and Captain Hammer team up to take down Caleb (Buffy's seventh season big bad).

Also, Frank was bested by Riffraff, I don't think he'd a challenge at all for Pennywise.

Posted by: Christina at October 28, 2009 5:31 PM

Chuck Norris is so tough, that not even Chuck Norris could kick Chuck Norris' ass.

Posted by: John Denver's Wingman at October 28, 2009 5:32 PM

Mrs. Smith v Lora Croft (Angelina Joe Lee)

And for those of you who love classics
Terry Malloy: On the Waterfront v Stanley Kowalski: A Streetcare Named Desire (Marlon Brando)
Rick: Casablanca v Harry: To Have and Have Not(Humphrey Bogart)
Vin: The Magnificent Seven v Bullitt (Steve McQueen)

Posted by: Morgan LaFai at October 28, 2009 5:46 PM

Ahem...

Alfie vs. Alfred (Michael Caine)
Jack Bauer vs. David vs. The Phone Booth guy (Kiefer Sutherland)
Ting vs. Kham (Tony Jaa)
Solid Snake vs. the Guyver (David Hayter)

Posted by: Vermillion at October 28, 2009 5:49 PM

These are much too easy to expand into "Fatal 4-Way Bloodbath Apocalypse Deathmatches!" just to make em even crazier.

Schwarzy; Conan vs. The Terminator vs. John Matrix vs. Dutch Schaefer!!

Stallone; Rocky vs. Rambo vs. Cobra vs. Judge Dredd!

Willis; McClane vs. Butch vs. Hudson Hawk vs. Unbreakable Man!

Jean Claude; Frank Dux vs. The Kickboxer vs. Universal Soldier dude vs. Timecop

Hugo Weaving; Agent Smith vs. V vs. Elrond vs. Megatron (it was either this or his drag queen from Priscilla)

You could even make Kurt Russell interesting in these for crissakes.

(p.s. it took a lot of restraint not to make a horse joke about Carrie Bradshaw vs. Seabiscuit, I'll just have you know)

And for the ultimate one sided matchups, I submit to the Pajibaverse;

Ben Kingsley as Don Logan (Sexy Beast) vs. Mahatma Ghandi.

Jim Caviezel as Pathfinder vs. Jesus Christ (it will be BIBLICAL)

Oh and Orlando Bloom as Legolas vs. Paris (he played a real convincing pussy in Troy...)

Posted by: D-Day at October 28, 2009 5:56 PM

Alice vs Leeloo.

Who wins?

Who cares?

It would be my first Pay-per-view.

Posted by: Dave at October 28, 2009 5:57 PM

woops, that was Caviezel in Outlander

Posted by: D-Day at October 28, 2009 5:57 PM

Mr. Roarke vs. Khan (Ricardo Montalban)

Sam Spade vs. Philip Marlowe (Humphrey Bogart) I think this one is a tie.

Charles Foster Kane vs. Edward Rochester (Jane Eyre) Orson Welles back when he was in his 20's. Yes, he was 26 when he played Kane.

Posted by: BWeaves at October 28, 2009 5:58 PM

Spock vs. Evil Goatee'd Spock (Nimoy)

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at October 28, 2009 4:44 PM

-------------------------

I have the shirt.

"Know your spock"

Posted by: admin at October 28, 2009 6:14 PM

B.A. Baracus vs. Clubber Lang - Mr. T.
Clubber probably wouldn't lock B.A. in a warehouse so he could build a spare-parts tank. But Clubber has an endurance issue and can't go the distance. Verdict: B.A. unless Clubber gives him drugged milk.

Posted by: muchsarcasm at October 28, 2009 6:17 PM

Wait... no Man with no name vs. Dirty Harry? Walt Kowalski vs. William Munny? Damn!

Posted by: zito at October 28, 2009 6:17 PM

Mr. Smith (Matrix) vs. V (V for Vendetta) Hugo Weavings
http://fx.worth1000.com/entries/398605/agent-smith-vs-v

Posted by: brite at October 28, 2009 6:30 PM

I love this idea!

Caine vs. Bill - David Carradine
Aragorn vs. Tom/Joey (History of Violence) vs. Nikolai (Eastern Promises) - Viggo Mortensen
Casey vs. Jayne - Adam Baldwin

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at October 28, 2009 6:47 PM

Hannibal Lecter v. Titus Andronicus--Sir Anthony Hopkins.

Whether baked into a pie, or with fava beans and a nice chianti, the results will be delicious.

Posted by: mj at October 28, 2009 6:55 PM

BWeaves, here's how my mind just spent the last 5 minutes:

The sun rose, hazy through the mist, over a sleeping Venice. Silhouetted against the pink sky, a lithe, slender man leaped from rooftop to rooftop, his boots in one hand. Suddenly, the stillness of the dawn was punctured and deflated like a helium balloon drifting into a stray pair of scissors. The catlike man cocked his head, listening to the unearthly noise echoing through the canals. Swiftly, he scaled a cupola and stared downward at the sight of a stunningly gorgeous creature in strange clothes stretching outside of a blue box.
Without pausing to think, the graceful man leapt from his cupola down to the street, shouting, "Ho there!" His opponent turned to face him, and he charged, screaming, "I am Cassanova! There shall be none more beautiful than I in this city!" The strange man adopted a heartbreakingly sad expression, whispered, "I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry," and, at the last second possible, aimed a strange object at the sky, causing a conveniently placed hot air balloon to fall onto Cassanova's head.
"I'm the Doctor," the man said. "I'm going to offer you a choice -- cease this foolish attack and come travel time and space with me, or perish at my hands." Cassanova regarded the Doctor coolly for a moment before pushing him against the blue box and...

I can't recount any more, I'm due in my bunk.

Posted by: esme at October 28, 2009 6:58 PM

Aragorn (LOTR) vs Nikolai Luzhin (Eastern Promises)

Marv (Sin City) vs Randy "The Ram" Robinson (The Wrestler)

Kevin (Sin City) vs Mumble (Happy Feet)

The Joker vs Ennis Del Mar

Posted by: Squirrelgripper at October 28, 2009 7:04 PM

dammit MBD, you type too fast!!!!

Posted by: Squirrelgripper at October 28, 2009 7:07 PM

Great minds, Squirrelgripper....

Esme, I can't stop reading your little story there. You should turn that into a novel for National Novel Writing Month.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at October 28, 2009 7:18 PM

I want to see Elvis and Sam Axe tag team it against Ash and Jack Stiles (Bruce Campbell).

Posted by: alphawhiskey at October 28, 2009 7:27 PM

Dirk Diggler vs Max Payne (Mark Wahlberg)
The Tick vs Brock Samson (Patrick Warburton)
Madmartigan vs Chris Knight (Val Kilmer -- or this could be a tag team bout against DarthCorleone's Doc Holliday vs. "Scott" from Spartan)

Posted by: slagzoo at October 28, 2009 7:34 PM

The Lieutenant (Bad Lieutenant) vs. Winston Wolfe (Pulp Fiction)

Posted by: ed newman at October 28, 2009 8:22 PM

Moses v. Judah Ben-hur (Charlton Heston)
Beatrix Kiddo v. Jenny Johnston/G-girl (Uma Thurman)

And for Fun... their cross dressing alter ego's

Raymond Babbitt v. Dorothy Michaels (Dustin Hoffman)
Vinny v. Chi-chi (John Leguizamo)
Jim Cunningham v. Vida (Patrick Swayze)
Blade v. Noxeema (Wesley Snipes)
Seymour Parrish v. Mrs. Euphegenia Doubtfire (Robin Williams)

Posted by: Cake Bitch at October 28, 2009 8:26 PM

Drexl Spivey v. Stansfield (Gary Oldman)
Lester Burnham v. John Doe (Kevin Spacey)
Floyd v. Chad Feldheimer (Brad Pitt)

Posted by: hh at October 28, 2009 8:44 PM

Aaron-Primal Fear v. Derek Vinyard-American History X v. The Narrator-Fight Club v. Bruce Banner/The Incredible Hulk (Edward Norton)

Posted by: Cake Bitch at October 28, 2009 8:54 PM

How about. . .

Jessica Fletcher vs. Mrs. Lovett (Angela Landsbury) (she's on the DVD, so I figure it could count for something) (and if you wanted to make it REALLY special, you've got Mrs. Potts to throw in there too)

And one more for the road

Jack Kelly (Newsies) vs. Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale)

Posted by: Rowen at October 28, 2009 10:06 PM

MBD- at least yours had the added bonus Tom/Joey matchup FTW

The whiny bitch who thinks she will never find true love vs. the whiny bitch who thinks she will never find true love (Jennifer Aniston)
Rubble44

The hotshot racecar driver who suffers a crisis of confidence until he meets a beautiful woman who teaches him how to be a better racecar driver
vs
The hotshot pilot who suffers a crisis of confidence until he meets a beautiful woman who teaches him how to be a better pilot
vs
The hotshot cocktail maker who suffers a crisis of confidence until he meets a beautiful woman who teaches him how to be a better cocktail maker
vs
the hotshot brother of a retarded guy who suffers a crisis of confidence until he meets a beautiful woman who teaches him how to be a better brother of a retarded guy
vs
…
(Guess?)

h/t Rich Hall
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Vmg9e785lo
(hopefully the link is right, I can’t preview it)

Posted by: Squirrelgripper at October 28, 2009 10:42 PM

Dang, got beaten to Gary Oldman, but in any case:

Jean-Baptiste Emanuel Zorg (5th Element) vs. Stansfield (Leon/The Professional) - Gary Oldman

Creasy (Man on Fire) vs. John Hobbes (Fallen) - Denzel Washington

(I think this one would be awesome fun to watch)
Martin Riggs (Lethal Weapon) vs. Mad Max (Uh.. yeah) - Mel Gibson

Posted by: StepDown at October 28, 2009 10:53 PM

Earl Bassett vs. Remo Williams

They'd team up and wipe out everybody. Then Remo would lose to Earl via Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Posted by: grendel at October 28, 2009 11:33 PM

Cool Hand Luke vs Fast Eddie Felson (Paul Newman)

Posted by: alphawhiskey at October 29, 2009 1:41 AM

Woah, woah...woah.

Are you talking about the Dahl adaptation of Mathilda, starring Danny Devito? Because

(deep breath)

MATHILDA ISN'T PLAYED BY NATALIE PORTMAN

Phew. Aaaaand exhale. All my self-involved self-righteous film indignation was building up there. (I saw this as having met the girl that DID play Mathilda, who is a lovely and very different girl than Ms. Portman.

Posted by: Tati at October 29, 2009 2:11 AM

Oh I'm SUCH a ass. Of COURSE you meant Mathilda from Leon. DUH. I'm so sorry.

And for the record, Mathilda would shoot that pretty princess ass before she had a chance to untangle her hair croissants. No contest.

Posted by: Tati at October 29, 2009 2:13 AM

@esme at October 28, 2009 6:58 PM

WIN!!!!
And by 'win' I mean *BUNK*

Posted by: Lindsey with an 'e' at October 29, 2009 2:51 AM

Out of curiosity...

Why isn't the name Jim Carrey in the list?

Inside joke?

Something we should know?

Posted by: WhoWhatWhere at October 29, 2009 2:55 AM

The list should include...

Mrs. Doubtfire(or Patch Adams) vs. Seymour Parrish (Robin Williams)

Even better...

I'd love to see...

Zorg vs. Gordon (Gary Oldman)

Posted by: WhoWhatWhere at October 29, 2009 3:01 AM

Lucius Vorenus vs Dr. Owen Hunt (Kevin McKidd)

EPIC

Both hardened veterans of DRASTICALLY different wars. My money's on Vorenus because 8 years of experience > a couple of tours. Also, while Hunt was busy scrambling around for his body armour and automatic rifle, Vorenus would take him the fuck DOWN with whatever wieldable object happened to be in the vicinity. Then he would shout THIRTEEN and I would climax.

Luc Tessyier vs Captain Phoebus (Kevin Kline)

Both facial hair-wielding French smooth talkers. Luc's ("Luke? Leeee-yook?") chances are poor, because after stealing Phoebus' purse and furiously bedding Esmeralda, Phoebus will gut him like a Muslim soldier.

Posted by: Ling at October 29, 2009 8:48 AM

Just know a great celeb site ___Tallconnect CO M___ where you can me et many big beautiful wo man and hand some guys.

Posted by: gorden22 at October 29, 2009 9:42 AM

Edward Scissorhands vs. Sweeny Todd!

Come on.

Posted by: MikeG at October 29, 2009 10:18 AM

Gladiator/Maximus vs # Virtuosity SID 6.7

Posted by: D at October 29, 2009 11:56 AM

Oops how could we forget: Shatner Vs any other Shatner

Posted by: D at October 29, 2009 12:00 PM

Bad guy from Bloodrayne vs. Bad guy from Thunderbirds vs. Ghandi (Ben Kingsley)

Posted by: Christian H. at October 29, 2009 12:34 PM

sweeny todd vs jack sparrow

tylor durgen vs aldo rain

robert neville (i am legend) vs james west (wild wild west)

mickey knox (natural born killers) vs tallahassee (zombieland)

tugg speedman (tropic thunder) vs derek zoolander

Posted by: Ariana at October 29, 2009 1:37 PM

Oh. Oh. Wait! I got one! The Space Man!
Jack Vincennes Vs. K-Pax for the undercard and...
Kaiser Soze vs. John Doe from se7en. (vs. Lex Luthor vs. Buddy Ackerman for the fatal 4-way win!)

Posted by: jason at October 29, 2009 2:55 PM

this is fun and addictive:

Jack Donaghy vs. Jack Ryan

Posted by: jason at October 29, 2009 3:05 PM

I'm sure you guys will consider this blasphemy, but as the resident musical theater fag, I REALLY did not like Johnny Depp as Sweeney, and as such, tend to try my best to forget that that performance ever existed.

Posted by: Rowen at October 29, 2009 10:29 PM

Eric Forman vs. Eddie Brock (Topher Grace)

Richard Vickers vs Dr. Rumack (Leslie Nielsen)

Anthony Gazzo vs. Willie Cicci (Joe Spinnell)

Col. Kurtz vs Don Corleone (Marlon Brando)

Benny Blanco vs Tybalt (John Leguizamo

Posted by: Gozer at October 30, 2009 3:17 AM

Captain Kirk versus Denny Crane (Shatner).
Kirk would have the age advantage, but would be hampered by his corset. Denny stopped wearing his years ago, because he's just that awesome.

Alec from Dark Angel versus Dean Winchester (Jensen Ackles).
Naked cage fight!!!

Posted by: Tarn at October 30, 2009 8:08 AM

Colonel Dax v. Spartacus

Max Cady v. Philip Marlowe

Pike Bishop v. Commander Shears

Posted by: legaleagle at October 30, 2009 11:23 AM

For Christian Bale is should be: Batman vs. Grammaton Cleric First Class John Preston

Posted by: hordeprime at October 30, 2009 3:08 PM

How about Simon (sniveling faux-spy) vs. Hudson (sniveling Colonial Marine), both played by Wild Bill Paxton.

Posted by: Gozer at October 30, 2009 3:50 PM

"Knights of Columbus, that hurt!"

Ricky Bobby vs. Ron Burgundy

Posted by: KeeblerKahn at October 31, 2009 2:09 AM

How about Mad Max vs. William Wallace (Mel Gibson)?

Tony Soprano vs. the Monster from Where the Wild Things Are (James Gandolfini)?

George Bluth vs. Oscar Bluth (Jeffrey Tambor) - wait, this one we may have seen already...

Sarah Palin vs. Liz Lemon (Tina Fey)? Who wouldn't want to watch that!

Posted by: Bert at November 3, 2009 1:02 PM

Oh, and one more:

Peter Venkman vs. Steve Zissou (Bill Murray)?

Posted by: Bert at November 3, 2009 1:04 PM

It's "John McClane". Sheesh.

Posted by: chenry at November 4, 2009 11:32 AM

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