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24 Appropriate Opening Lines from TV Shows

By Nadia Chaudhury | Seriously Random Lists | February 4, 2014 | Comments ()


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Hi everyone!

I’m Nadia, one of the new writers Dustin wrangled up this week. To serve as my proper introduction to you all, and as a riff on Joanna’s wonderful (and foretelling!) famous last words list, here are 24 of my favorite first lines from TV shows that immediately reveal something we’re in store for.

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1. 30 Rock
Liz Lemon: “Hello, excuse me, there’s a line, buddy.”

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2. Arrested Development
Narrator: “This is Michael Bluth.”

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3. Bob’s Burgers
Bob Belcher: “Listen, pep talk: big day today, it’s our grand re-re-re opening, it’s Labor Day weekend, and it looks like Wonder Wharf is getting mobbed so we have to [cut off].”

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4. Breaking Bad
Walter White: “Oh my god, Christ! Shit. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, think, think, think.”

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5. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Narrator: “In every generation, there is a chosen one.”

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6. Cheers
Boy: “How about a beer, chief?”

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7. Dexter
Dexter Morgan: “Tonight’s the night.”

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8. Don’t Trust the B—— in Apartment 23
June Colburn: “Living in New York has taught me life is full of surprises.”

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9. Friday Night Lights
Radio Announcer: “Good morning, West Texas.”

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10. Futurama
Phillip J. Fry: “Space, it seems to go on and on forever, but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.”

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11. Game of Thrones
Waymar Royce: “What do you expect, they’re savages.”

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12. Gilmore Girls
Lorelai Gilmore: “Please, Luke, please, please, please.”

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13. Gossip Girl
Gossip Girl (a.k.a. somehow Dan Humphrey): “Hey Upper East Siders, Gossip Girl here, and I have the biggest news ever.”

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14. How I Met Your Mother
Older Ted Mosby: “Kids, I’m going to tell you a wonderful story, the story of how I met your mother.”

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15. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dennis Reynolds: “Another big night, fellas, 64 dollars and 87 cents.”

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16. Louie
Louie: “I’m 41, and I’m single.”

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17. Orange is the New Black
Piper Chapman: “I’ve always loved getting clean.”

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18. Parks and Recreation
Leslie Knope: “Hello, hi, my name is Leslie Knope, and I work for the Parks and Recreation Department.”

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19. Party Down
Ron Donald: ” Do you know what you get when you hire a Party Down catering team?”

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20. Revenge
Emily Thorne: “When I was a little girl, my understanding of revenge was as simple as the Sunday school proverbs it hid behind.”

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21. The Sopranos
Dr. Jennifer Melfi : “Mr. Soprano?”

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22. Suburgatory
Tessa Altman: “If someone asked me the biggest difference between the suburbs and Manhattan, I would have to say…it’s the moms.”

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23. Twin Peaks
Pete Martel: “Gone fishing.”

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24. The Walking Dead
Rick Grimes: “Little girl, I’m a police man.”




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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Target_Blonde

    Great post, Nadia, love all the references.

    Also, because I can, Pushing Daisies:

    "At this very moment in the town of Couer d'Couers, young Ned was nine
    years, twenty-seven weeks, six days and three minutes old. His dog,
    Digby was three years, two weeks, six days, five hours, and nine minutes
    old... and not a minute older."

  • Nadia Chaudhury

    One of my favorite shows, too.

  • Joss

    Love the post, but how about Angel!!!!!!!! "Los Angeles. You see it at night and it shines; a beacon. People are drawn to it. People and other things. They come for all sorts of reasons. My reason? No surprise there. It started with a girl" And then you are all like.... Hell Yeahhhh! It is kind of long... lol

  • mcat_05

    If you had included Veronica Mars, then you would have literally seen right into my soul.

  • Berry

    This is my school. If you go here, your parents are either millionaires
    or your parents work for millionaires. Neptune, California, a town without a middle class. If you’re in the second group, you get a job; fast food, movie theaters, mini-marts. Or you could be me. My after-school job means tailing philandering spouses or investigating false injury claims.

  • Mario Gp

    You want an absolute? Fine. Sooner or later the people you love let you down.

  • Guest

    What's odd about this post is that all of the quotes work with the picture directly below them (some are even better because of it).

  • mcat_05

    Seconded! Especially OITNB

  • Gossip Girl (a.k.a. somehow Dan Humphrey):

    HA! Also: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE.

  • Mario Gp

    I'd like to see us here talking about Gossip Girl even if there will be 34,056 comments about how stupid we are for watching that show. Can you make that a reality?

  • YES, Let's have a Weekend Comment Diversion where it's nothing but us airing our grievances against that dumb, stupidly addictive show.

    "Weekend Comment Diversion: Was Serena mentally challenged or just seriously stupid? Also featuring: Blair and Dan, The Nightmare Years."

  • Mario Gp

    I'm already there !!

  • stella

    But we did learn that tights are not pants and other such gems. And Georgina was there, so it wasnt all bad.

  • I miss Georgina and Blair so much.

  • stella

    No lie, I wore headbands for a year because of Blair Waldorf.

  • Mario Gp

    Are we allowed to complain of how much air time was wasted on "Sage" and how Nate was always involved with minors?

  • TimeTravelMan

    Twin Peaks doesn't start until Pete says "Wrapped in plastic"

  • loo shag brolley

    "Two-by-fours... four-by-eights..."

  • loo shag brolley

    I'm down with anyone that uses Lorelai Gilmore as a header photo. Welcome.

  • Nadia Chaudhury

    And I'm down with anyone that has Anya in her bunny suit as their profile photo.

  • Wrestling Fan

    Welcome!

  • Nadia Chaudhury

    Thank you!

  • simplysarah

    You included Revenge and The Walking Dead in the same post. You're ok in my book. Welcome!!

  • AudioSuede

    I thought, "I bet The West Wing had an amazing first line!"

    Looked at it.

    Some guy ordering two martinis up and a Dewar's on the rocks.

    .....Welcome Nadia!

  • meadowdancer

    Wow I maybe blanked out the horribleness that is the GG reveal so I was all like what Dan and got sad all over again....also welcome Nadia!

  • Malin

    Oh God, I'd forgotten that Gossip Girl was revealed to be Dan Humphrey. The least interesting reveal of all.

    Welcome, Nadia!

  • Guest

    "Lets go for a ride." - Dead Like Me.

    *"That's me. I'd say I'm sorry to disappoint you but I'm not." - seeing George for the first time.

  • Nadia Chaudhury

    Ah! It makes me so mad I forgot about Dead Like Me!

  • Guest

    It's only your first day!

    I was going to put George's whole monologue because I've pretty much indoctrinated as my own personal philosophy.

    "I excel at not giving a shit. Experience has taught me that interest begets expectation, and expectation begets disappointment, so the key to avoiding disappointment is to avoid interest. A equals B equals C Equals A, or whatever. I also don't have a lot of interest in being a good person or a bad person. From what I can tell, either way, you're screwed. Bad people are punished by society's laws, and good people are punished by Murphy's Law. So you see my dilemma."

  • Uriah_Creep

    Bryan Fuller at his best.

  • Guest

    He had many "best"'s.

  • Welcome. I had red meat for lunch as I read this, expecting the appropriately eloquent welcome from TK.

  • ERM 275

    Gossip girl ended up being Dan Humphrey? That's dumb...

  • It was the stupidest thing ever. Stupid even for that show.

  • Berry

    So dumb. Also, welcome Vivian, Nadia and Rebecca!

  • Welcome, Nadia!

  • Modernlove

    Don't Trust the B, Suburgatory, and Gilmore Girls? I think I'm going to like you. Welcome!

  • JoannaRobinson

    Gossip Girl (a.k.a. somehow Dan Humphrey)

    AHAHAHAHHAH

    WELCOME NADIA I LOVE YOU!

  • Jimmy McNulty: So your boy's name was what?

    Welcome

  • BWeaves

    Hi Nadia, Welcome to the extraordinary nut shack.

  • chanohack

    Yes, hello, welcome!

  • MrsAtaxxia

    "Good Morning, West Texas" Chills, every time. God I love Friday Night Lights.

  • stella

    Dude I cant hear any FNL references without tears randomly starting, so Im crying now...

  • Nadia Chaudhury

    Originally, I was going to use the first lines that a main character says, but it was just Saracen (swoon) talking about tuna sandwiches with Grandma Saracen.

  • MrsAtaxxia

    I veer toward the Riggins end of the spectrum myself, but I adore the relationship between Matt and Grandma Saracen. It's just so fundamentally lovely.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Welcome, Nadia!

    (Also, I'd like to take this opportunity to welcome Vivian and Rebecca as well, as I failed to do yesterday. Please feel no less welcome on account of my tardiness.)

  • Donna - John

    my buddy's step-mother Μ­­­­­­а­­­­­­K­­­­­­е­­­­­­ѕ $76/hr on the с­­­­­­ο­­­­­­Μ­­­­­­ρ­­­­­­ս­­­­­­τ­­­­­­е­­­­­­r. She has been fired for 7 Μ­­­­­­ο­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­հ­­­­­­ѕ but last Μ­­­­­­ο­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­հ her ρ­­­­­­а­­­­­­У check was $17832 just W­­­­­­ο­­­­­­r­­­­­­King on the с­­­­­­ο­­­­­­Μ­­­­­­ρ­­­­­­ս­­­­­­τ­­­­­­е­­­­­­r for a Ϝ­­­­­­е­­­­­­W հ­­­­­­ο­­­­­­ս­­­­­­rs. Read more on this ѕ­­­­­­і­­­­­­τ­­­­­­е,... WWW.Googleprofitfalls2014topfo...

    ▉ ▉ ▉ ▉ ▉ ▉ ▉ ▉𝂓 ▉ ▉ ▉ 𝁪▉ ▉ ▉ ▉ ▉"Good Morning, West Texas" Chills, every time.

  • melissa82

    Now it's a real welcome :) Thanks Donna - John.

  • Kaitlin J. Howard

    my roomate's mom Μ­­­­­­а­­­­­­κ­­­­­­℮­­­­­­ѕ $­­­­­­­­­64 every հ­­­­­­օ­­­­­­υ­­­­­­r on the і­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­℮­­­­­­r­­­­­­ո­­­­­­℮­­­­­­τ. She has been without W­­­­­­օ­­­­­­r­­­­­­κ for 8 Μ­­­­­­օ­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­հ­­­­­­ѕ but last Μ­­­­­­օ­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­հ her р­­­­­­а­­­Уment was $­­­­­­­­­21497 just W­­­­­­օ­­­­­­r­­­­­­κing on the і­­­­­­ո­­­­­­τ­­­­­­℮­­­­­­r­­­­­­ո­­­­­­℮­­­­­­τ for a Ϝ­­­­­­℮­­­­­­W հ­­­­­­օ­­­­­­υ­­­­­­rs. you can try հ­­­­­­℮­­­­­­r­­­­­­℮,... WWW.Googleprofitfalls2014activ...

    ●●● ●�●● ●●●�● ●●●● ●●●I think I'm going to like you. Welcome!

  • Bedewcrock

    But FYI, NO ONE likes Kaitlin J. Howard / Donna - John / Jane Doe Spammer. No one.

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