24 Appropriate Opening Lines from TV Shows

By Nadia Chaudhury | Lists | February 4, 2014 |

By Nadia Chaudhury | Lists | February 4, 2014 |

Hi everyone!

I’m Nadia, one of the new writers Dustin wrangled up this week. To serve as my proper introduction to you all, and as a riff on Joanna’s wonderful (and foretelling!) famous last words list, here are 24 of my favorite first lines from TV shows that immediately reveal something we’re in store for.

1. 30 Rock
Liz Lemon: “Hello, excuse me, there’s a line, buddy.”

2. Arrested Development
Narrator: “This is Michael Bluth.”

3. Bob’s Burgers
Bob Belcher: “Listen, pep talk: big day today, it’s our grand re-re-re opening, it’s Labor Day weekend, and it looks like Wonder Wharf is getting mobbed so we have to [cut off].”

4. Breaking Bad
Walter White: “Oh my god, Christ! Shit. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, think, think, think.”

5. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Narrator: “In every generation, there is a chosen one.”

6. Cheers
Boy: “How about a beer, chief?”

7. Dexter
Dexter Morgan: “Tonight’s the night.”

8. Don’t Trust the B—— in Apartment 23
June Colburn: “Living in New York has taught me life is full of surprises.”

9. Friday Night Lights
Radio Announcer: “Good morning, West Texas.”

10. Futurama
Phillip J. Fry: “Space, it seems to go on and on forever, but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.”

11. Game of Thrones
Waymar Royce: “What do you expect, they’re savages.”

12. Gilmore Girls
Lorelai Gilmore: “Please, Luke, please, please, please.”

13. Gossip Girl
Gossip Girl (a.k.a. somehow Dan Humphrey): “Hey Upper East Siders, Gossip Girl here, and I have the biggest news ever.”

14. How I Met Your Mother
Older Ted Mosby: “Kids, I’m going to tell you a wonderful story, the story of how I met your mother.”

15. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dennis Reynolds: “Another big night, fellas, 64 dollars and 87 cents.”

16. Louie
Louie: “I’m 41, and I’m single.”

17. Orange is the New Black
Piper Chapman: “I’ve always loved getting clean.”

18. Parks and Recreation
Leslie Knope: “Hello, hi, my name is Leslie Knope, and I work for the Parks and Recreation Department.”

19. Party Down
Ron Donald: ” Do you know what you get when you hire a Party Down catering team?”

20. Revenge
Emily Thorne: “When I was a little girl, my understanding of revenge was as simple as the Sunday school proverbs it hid behind.”

21. The Sopranos
Dr. Jennifer Melfi : “Mr. Soprano?”

22. Suburgatory
Tessa Altman: “If someone asked me the biggest difference between the suburbs and Manhattan, I would have to say…it’s the moms.”

23. Twin Peaks
Pete Martel: “Gone fishing.”

24. The Walking Dead
Rick Grimes: “Little girl, I’m a police man.”