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24 Appropriate Opening Lines from TV Shows

By Nadia Chaudhury | Lists | February 4, 2014 |

By Nadia Chaudhury | Lists | February 4, 2014 |

Hi everyone!

I’m Nadia, one of the new writers Dustin wrangled up this week. To serve as my proper introduction to you all, and as a riff on Joanna’s wonderful (and foretelling!) famous last words list, here are 24 of my favorite first lines from TV shows that immediately reveal something we’re in store for.

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1. 30 Rock
Liz Lemon: “Hello, excuse me, there’s a line, buddy.”

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2. Arrested Development
Narrator: “This is Michael Bluth.”

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3. Bob’s Burgers
Bob Belcher: “Listen, pep talk: big day today, it’s our grand re-re-re opening, it’s Labor Day weekend, and it looks like Wonder Wharf is getting mobbed so we have to [cut off].”

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4. Breaking Bad
Walter White: “Oh my god, Christ! Shit. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, think, think, think.”

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5. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Narrator: “In every generation, there is a chosen one.”

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6. Cheers
Boy: “How about a beer, chief?”

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7. Dexter
Dexter Morgan: “Tonight’s the night.”

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8. Don’t Trust the B—— in Apartment 23
June Colburn: “Living in New York has taught me life is full of surprises.”

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9. Friday Night Lights
Radio Announcer: “Good morning, West Texas.”

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10. Futurama
Phillip J. Fry: “Space, it seems to go on and on forever, but then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.”

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11. Game of Thrones
Waymar Royce: “What do you expect, they’re savages.”

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12. Gilmore Girls
Lorelai Gilmore: “Please, Luke, please, please, please.”

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13. Gossip Girl
Gossip Girl (a.k.a. somehow Dan Humphrey): “Hey Upper East Siders, Gossip Girl here, and I have the biggest news ever.”

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14. How I Met Your Mother
Older Ted Mosby: “Kids, I’m going to tell you a wonderful story, the story of how I met your mother.”

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15. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Dennis Reynolds: “Another big night, fellas, 64 dollars and 87 cents.”

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16. Louie
Louie: “I’m 41, and I’m single.”

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17. Orange is the New Black
Piper Chapman: “I’ve always loved getting clean.”

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18. Parks and Recreation
Leslie Knope: “Hello, hi, my name is Leslie Knope, and I work for the Parks and Recreation Department.”

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19. Party Down
Ron Donald: ” Do you know what you get when you hire a Party Down catering team?”

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20. Revenge
Emily Thorne: “When I was a little girl, my understanding of revenge was as simple as the Sunday school proverbs it hid behind.”

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21. The Sopranos
Dr. Jennifer Melfi : “Mr. Soprano?”

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22. Suburgatory
Tessa Altman: “If someone asked me the biggest difference between the suburbs and Manhattan, I would have to say…it’s the moms.”

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23. Twin Peaks
Pete Martel: “Gone fishing.”

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24. The Walking Dead
Rick Grimes: “Little girl, I’m a police man.”