By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (53)
10.
9.
8.
7.
6.
5.
4.
3.
2.
1.
Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance
← They Live Remake Isn't A Remake: Matt Reeves To Direct "8 O'Clock In The Morning" | "Transformers: Dark of the Moon" Still Image: Shia Pays Homage to "Lars and the Real Girl" →
Posted by: Sarah J-Town at April 12, 2011 11:03 AM
Sadly, I knew about half of those existed.
Posted by: Sarah at April 12, 2011 11:04 AM
Oh ... if only I didn't know about Legally Blondes. Also, there's a Wild Things 2?
Maggie Gylenhaal is in Home Alone 3.
Posted by: Will at April 12, 2011 11:06 AM
I knew about most (if not all) of these "titles" and that's because of one reason: Wal-Mart.
The're all available at Wal-Mart in their $5 section -- which is where I picked up cheap-o DVD copies of such gems as Road House and Death Race.
Posted by: Fredo at April 12, 2011 11:06 AM
BEER PONG!
These pictures make zeke go the funny.
Posted by: zeke the pig at April 12, 2011 11:10 AM
Road Trip: Beer Pong
Danny Pudi? Noooooooooooooooooo!
Posted by: branded at April 12, 2011 11:11 AM
There's actually a fourth Wild Things cleverly titled "Wild Things: Foursome". Also, I know it wasn't mentioned but I'm surprised there are like five Species movies.
Posted by: Jesusaurus Rex at April 12, 2011 11:14 AM
I only didn't know the Behind Enemy Lines sequel. I mean, Disney did a huge marketing blitz for Bambi II.
Now, you could have populated half of this list with Hellraiser sequels and been just as quickly accused of fraud.
Posted by: Robert at April 12, 2011 11:17 AM
Thoughts . . .
8. Road House 2 had Jake Busey, something that was sorely lacking from the first installment. In fact, everything in life is lessened by the absense of Busey the Younger.
7. I think I got about 7 STDs just looking at this poster. What's the tagline here? The Whorening? The Skankening? Wild Things 3: Welcome to Whore Island? Wild Things 3: Trollop Town? Wild Things 3: 100% Kevinbaconspenis-Free?
5. That's the exact face French Stewart makes everytime another Joseph Gordon-Levitt movie is released. That was his career, goddamnit, and that greasy-haired little shit had to go and fuck it all up!
3. Is that Bambi's father? Where the hell were you during the great fire of '42? Fucking one of your WHORES?!?!
2. I've seen clips of this movie and that actress has an impossible body. It looks like it's gonna spontaneously disassemble at any moment like an overworked Jenga tower. If she weighs more than 90 pounds, I'll eat my computer.
1. Didn't Pajiba have one of the Pajibettes review this awhile back? Are you trying to say that the readers of this website are too stupid to remember it? What would really be funny is if that review never happened and I'm just yapping away like a dumbshit making everyone uncomfortable with my awkward confrontations . . .
Posted by: Kballs at April 12, 2011 11:20 AM
I have one to add to this. Cruel Intentions 2. Like the first one wasn't bad enough. I'm pretty sure Amy Adams would like to forget this ever happened.
Posted by: Whorish Mouth at April 12, 2011 11:26 AM
Will, I believe the poster above is for the forth rendition of the Home Alone series, and no Maggie Gyllenhaal in any of them. Perhaps you were thinking of the Nanny McPhee sequel?
Posted by: The Other Mother at April 12, 2011 11:27 AM
Straight to DVD movies you didn't want to exist.
There, I have corrected it for you.
Posted by: The Wanderer at April 12, 2011 11:28 AM
Danny Pudi always says he had to play a lot of Sanjays before he got where he is today.
Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at April 12, 2011 11:29 AM
That HOME ALONE cover actually makes me angry. French Stewart and Missy Pyle have never looked stupider and no child should ever look that airbrushed. I want to burn down Christmas.
Posted by: Gholson at April 12, 2011 11:33 AM
The girl in the back of the Wild Things 3 poster looks familiar... anyone know who she is?
Posted by: OldRod at April 12, 2011 11:34 AM
This is a Cracked article with Photoshopped movie posters...
...right?
Posted by: OldSchool60 at April 12, 2011 11:34 AM
I'm not at all surprised about The Grudge 3. The original was a remake of Ju-On, which itself was a remake of a shorter made for TV film of the same name. There are four Japanese versions/sequels/remakes. And they're all Ringu rip offs. It never ends.
Posted by: TSF at April 12, 2011 11:35 AM
Dustin, what did we do to you, to be treated so badly?
We don't deserve this.
Posted by: OldSchool60 at April 12, 2011 11:36 AM
I too knew of the existence of a shameful number of these thanks to Walmart's $5 bin. I have not purchased nor have I viewed any of these though, thankfully.
The Legally Blondes one makes me curious. I know Reese Witherspoon isn't very smart and I really hate her face and her existence but did she really say "OK, put my name on that pile of shit."?
Posted by: Paultera at April 12, 2011 11:39 AM
I could have sworn Road Trip Beer Pong was a 2 movie combo pack. In my defense, that's because the two halves of the title look nothing alike on the dvd cover, and no movie that pointless should warrant 4 words in the title.
Posted by: Markus at April 12, 2011 11:41 AM
I can easily spot the Pajibans who do not use NetFlix streaming on anything but their computer. The XBox, Playstation 3, AppleTV and Roku flavors of NFS all feature "things you might be interested in!" channels/sub-menus (apparently NetFlix isn't paying $1MM to develop the algorithm for that utility, because it sucks and is wrong). All of these horrible affronts to cinema are heavily featured in those channels/sub-menus.
This week's big feature, while unrelated to this list, is "Alien vs. Ninja". There's a running contest among my friends to see who can get the furthest into that abomination. Standing record, thus far, is seven minutes.
Posted by: lubeg at April 12, 2011 11:44 AM
The girl in Dukes in April Scott, and I found this quote from her:
" If I were a fruit I would be an extremely poisonous berry, so hopefully no one would eat me because that would be painful. But, if they did eat me at least they would die."
Posted by: Max at April 12, 2011 11:45 AM
hollow man 2:
"from executive producer paul verhoeven."
well, of course it is.
Posted by: matty blue at April 12, 2011 11:48 AM
"Alien vs. Ninja"
Ha! That popped up on my Netflix too the other day. I haven't dared try it yet.
Posted by: Paultera at April 12, 2011 11:58 AM
Re The Other Mother:
You're right! I was confused. It's Scarlett Johannson who is in Home Alone 3.
Posted by: Will at April 12, 2011 12:01 PM
Seriously? Legally Blondes?
Legally BlondeS? That's not even English.
Posted by: Odnon at April 12, 2011 12:01 PM
2. I've seen clips of this movie and that actress has an impossible body. It looks like it's gonna spontaneously disassemble at any moment like an overworked Jenga tower.
---
I was about to ask how her right shoulder and left ass cheek could be in one area code and her pelvis in another, but 'Balls had the same thought and phrased it a little better.
Posted by: , at April 12, 2011 12:01 PM
That Daisy Duke girl looks like she's 14.
Posted by: HopeHope at April 12, 2011 12:11 PM
@Whorish Mouth
Cruel Intentions 2? Fuck that, what about Cruel Intentions 3?
Posted by: Exploding Head Syndrome at April 12, 2011 12:16 PM
I love how they put "Reese Witherspoon Presents" in the hope that somebody will just see her name and assume she's in it.
Posted by: Todd at April 12, 2011 12:22 PM
Exploding Head, I hate you for letting me know that exists. Look at the cast list...it's like a "Who's Who" of "Who's That?".
Posted by: Whorish Mouth at April 12, 2011 12:27 PM
I TOTALLY knew about Hollow Man 2. Which is especially hilarious considering how straight-to-DVD-quality the first one is.
Also, I'm pretty sure I knew about the Home Alone one (I seem to recall feeling pretty bad for French Stewart, cause I always kind of liked him).
Posted by: Anna von Beav at April 12, 2011 12:43 PM
God I feel so very, very sorry for these poor girls who get cast in these things. They probably have these great dreams of being Megan Fox, so they show up to auditions in bikinis and they get cast in these things, and they do it because hey, it's a start! And it's not porn! And then they just...oh it's heartbreaking.
Posted by: Figgy at April 12, 2011 12:46 PM
Oh, Danny Pudi. How far you've climbed. And Christian Slater being in Hollow Man 2 seems about right. That Home Alone poster really unsettles me. I think it's the kid's fake-looking air-brushed face.
Posted by: Sassafrass Green at April 12, 2011 12:47 PM
P.S. There are four -FOUR- Poison Ivy movies. I discovered this when my local Blockbuster closed down and I went to see if they had anything good for sale in the horror section. (I was mainly looking for Ginger Snaps, which was gone, but I did get GS2 for I think $6. Poison Ivy (IV): The Secret Society was $3. OF COURSE I BOUGHT IT. Guh.
Posted by: Anna von Beav at April 12, 2011 12:47 PM
And Cruel Intentions 3 is kind of awesome if only to see Amy Adams acting totally cracked out for an hour and a half.
Posted by: Sassafrass Green at April 12, 2011 12:49 PM
Bambi 2? I thought Bambi died when he set the town on fire to avenge his mother? Or am I thinking of a different movie
Posted by: YesPlease at April 12, 2011 1:15 PM
Oh, Schaech, Facinelli, come on. I expect this order of desperation from Christian Slater, but you two could have at least sponged off of your more-frequently-employed spouses a bit more rather than prostituting yourselves out on projects like these. You're both pretty enough to pull off the sugar baby thing until worthwhile projects come along...
Posted by: Jerry at April 12, 2011 1:37 PM
The script for Road Trip 2 must've been pretty bad good to keep Tom Green from reprising his role.
Posted by: superasente at April 12, 2011 2:29 PM
I've seen the Grudge 3, it's awful. Also, why is Bambi still a child in that poster when he grew up in the original movie?
Posted by: Steph at April 12, 2011 2:35 PM
Hollow Man 2...
Did no one else notice that Christian Slater is billed third? Behind two no names? Sucks to be Christian Slater.
Posted by: DeistBrawler at April 12, 2011 2:45 PM
I remember when Bambi 2 was released, it even got some press coverage. It gathered as much unanimity as an asteroid heading to Earth.
@Odnon Good catch! Maybe one of the main actresses (?) came up with that title.
Posted by: godzilla_foil at April 12, 2011 3:21 PM
Anna von Beav, the weird thing about the Poison Ivy movies is that the first 3 featured starlets before they broke through or broke through again into our consciousness:
1. Drew Barrymore pre-Scream
2. Alyssa Milano
3. Jaime Pressly
Unfortunately, this bit of useless trivia is rendered null by the existence of a #4 -- kinda like Indy Jones 4.
Posted by: Fredo at April 12, 2011 4:45 PM
The girls in Wild Things 3 are even more attractive than the box art suggests. And spend much of it naked.
There is also a Wild Things 4 with even more naked girls. Also absurdly attractive.
Posted by: Sean at April 12, 2011 5:00 PM
Heh, I actually saw that Behind Enemy Lines one.
My brother and I used to watch any WWE movies that were on because they were always retch-inducingly awful and that can be fun under the right circumstances(Alcohol).
I almost died laughing during those heinous John Cena monstrosities, but this one was suprisingly unoffensive ... at least no worse than an average Chuck Norris movie.
Posted by: MurderBot at April 12, 2011 6:35 PM
I went to see The Dark Knight on its opening weekend, and found myself crammed into a theater with nary an empty seat to be found. One of the trailers was for a new Starship Troopers movie, and people were mostly kind of laughing and talking through it, up until the part where it announced, "Starship Troopers 3: Marauder."
I overheard more than one person lean to someone next to them to ask, "There was a 2?"
Posted by: Tyburn Blossom at April 12, 2011 7:42 PM
Wait you mean the bottom movie isn't a Wayans brothers movie?
Posted by: EshinX at April 13, 2011 1:19 AM
Thanks Sean!
Now, more shameful additions to my netflix queue...
ahem.
Posted by: Trey_Shacksit at April 13, 2011 1:25 AM
@Odnon
If they went grammatically correct they may have gotten some more attention.
There's a series market niche in the 13 year old boy and 40 year old men demographics for any film called "Legal Blondes"
Posted by: Floyd Gardens at April 13, 2011 7:48 AM
IS THAT DANNY PUDI IN ROAD TRIP BEER PONGS?
My mind. Is blown.
Posted by: Sho at April 13, 2011 12:06 PM
Too bad you fail at missing one of the biggest fails of all Direct to DVD movies: Mean Girls 2. Sorry for not being sorry.
Posted by: FAIL at April 13, 2011 10:41 PM
What about the sequels to Cruel Intentions?
Or The Skulls?
I wonder what they paid Reese Witherspoon to present Legally Blondes.
Posted by: Big Softie at April 13, 2011 11:53 PM
Not only had I heard of most of these, I actually have Dukes of Hazzard 2 on DVD. In my defense, I spent 3 days working background in that movie and managed to get a few closeups, so it was worth buying just for my footage.
As to Daisy Duke looking 14, the character was supposed to be 18, but April Scott was actually 27 at the time (born in 1979--a year older than Jessica Simpson, who played the older version in the first movie).
Posted by: NobodyCares at April 14, 2011 12:59 AM
You're making this up... Please..?