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The 10 Current TV Characters With Whom I Would Most Like To Engage In A Round Of "Whither The Salami?"

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Seriously Random Lists | Comments (84)

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10. Cary Agos
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8&9. Troy Barnes and Abed Nadir
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7. Ben Wyatt
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6. Coach Eric Taylor
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5. Jon Snow
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4. Dr. Owen Hunt
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3. Peter Bishop
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2. Raylan Givens
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1. The Doctor
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Joanna Robinson is not as into blondes as her boss is, but she does, evidently, have a nerd fetish. Email! Twitter!









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Comments

5! as for 1...eeewwww!

Posted by: splinter at April 28, 2011 4:04 PM

#10 reminds me too much of George Michael Bluth

Posted by: StoatCat at April 28, 2011 4:05 PM

with a side order of 2,3,6,7

Posted by: splinter at April 28, 2011 4:06 PM

It's okay that you didn't put Dean Winchester in. I don't mind; more for me.

Posted by: Goldie at April 28, 2011 4:06 PM

I'm down with all of these choices except for Pacey. I like my men to have lips on their faces.

I would watch an hour of Olyphant just walking around and running errands. I already have to replay parts of "Justified" because I get distracted by his sexiness and stop listening to what the characters are saying.

Posted by: jzhz at April 28, 2011 4:09 PM

Um, #10's name is Logan Huntzberger. Durr.

Also, looks like I really, really need to find some way to watch Game of Thrones.

And also, Peter Bishop mmmmmmm hm.

Posted by: Anna von Beav at April 28, 2011 4:11 PM

Raglan Givens, yes! Add Patrick Jane to the list too...and Castle.

Posted by: Miri at April 28, 2011 4:14 PM

Raylan Givens, yes! Add Patrick Jane to the list too...and Castle.

Posted by: Miri at April 28, 2011 4:15 PM

No Filion!!!??

No HAAAAAMMMMM??? (granted Mad Men isn't on right now....)

No NPH?? (granted he doesn't swing my way... but anyway)

I deny your list..

Good day.

Posted by: jmd at April 28, 2011 4:17 PM

1. Sherlock Holmes (I know it was only 3 eps, but he will be back in the fall)
2. Raylan Givens
3. Boyd Crowder (I know...don't judge me)
4. Ned...Ed...whatever...Borimer
5. Archer....but he would have to keep his pie hole shut.
6. Eric Northman
7. Donald Draper
9. Sherlock
10. and yeah, Sherlock.

Posted by: Jules at April 28, 2011 4:19 PM

"7. Ben Wyatt"

Damn right.

Posted by: Will at April 28, 2011 4:19 PM

10. Tim McGee (NCIS)
9. Derek Morgan (Criminal Minds)
8. Noah Puckerman (Glee)
7. Jeff Winger (Community)
6. Lucky Luciano (Boardwalk Empire)
5. Seeley Booth (Bones)
4. Eric Northman (True Blood)
3. Peter Bishop (Fringe)
2. Boyd Crowder (Justified)
1. Raylan Givens (Justified)

Posted by: Siege at April 28, 2011 4:20 PM

@anna von beav: so sorry. i got dibs on #5 and i am NOT sharing. be sure to watch game of thrones and sigh for what could have been. i will be playing other games with kit (what a name! he is meant for play).

sure hope he's gay but they're all gay. right?

Posted by: splinter at April 28, 2011 4:23 PM

I tried to make a list but I just kept typing out Raylan Givens....

Posted by: sarahk at April 28, 2011 4:23 PM

Jules - don't be ashamed, you're not the only one who thinks of sexytimes with Crowder.

Posted by: jzhz at April 28, 2011 4:24 PM

Do you mean hide the baloney? In that case Boston Rob. Oh, he's not a fictional character? He should be. The Robfather.

Steven Hyde, no, not Danny Masterson, Steven Hyde, they are two different people. Hyde looked like "he knew how to do stuff".

Posted by: kirbyjay at April 28, 2011 4:26 PM

I have pretty diverse taste in men so I'd go with Raylen Givens, Danny on The Office or Sheriff Seth Bullock.

Posted by: becks at April 28, 2011 4:26 PM

Vince Howard (Friday Night Lights) & Alex (Parenthood) (Let's make this a salamifest!)

Posted by: jM at April 28, 2011 4:30 PM

Oh yeah, I'd totally get down with Archer.

Kballs, I have no idea what you really look like but I always picture you as Archer so never ruin that for me.

Posted by: becks at April 28, 2011 4:30 PM

I agree with most of this list, but #1 will only happen for me if you put the Doctor back in David Tennant's body. I can't get past that forehead & eyebrow ridge! Yick!

Also, I don't care how smug Jeff Winger is, he's on my list.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at April 28, 2011 4:30 PM

And Archer! Good call, becks!

Did you all know that the character drawings on Archer are all based on real people living in GA? So there is someone who looks like Archer in real life. I wonder if he gets any comments about the show.

Posted by: MelBivDevoe at April 28, 2011 4:33 PM

Number 1-10, Everyone in the pool! No no no Mr Wyatt what do you think you're doing? No swim trunks allowed. And I think Troy and Abed should have one number. They're a combo meal. And what a threesome we would make. Troy, Elise and Abed in the Mooorning (with sex hair).

Posted by: E-Money at April 28, 2011 4:34 PM

Posted by: splinter at April 28, 2011 4:23 PM

I will take you down, son.

(Actually, it's cool. I'll be busy with Damon Salvatore anyway.)

Posted by: Anna von Beav at April 28, 2011 4:36 PM

#2 for sure. I'm so pissed that I've missed the entire second season of Justified. Argh.

I'm going to throw Detective Elliot Stabler (Christopher Meloni) into the mix. He has anger issues, but I bet he's incredible in the sack.

Posted by: Kala at April 28, 2011 4:38 PM

Hmmm they eat my comment about the Salvatore Brothers with pictures.

Any man on the The Vampire Diaries, even Uncle John who's such a douche.

http://bit.ly/kavda4

Posted by: kilmo at April 28, 2011 4:43 PM

@anna von beav: you are so sweet to let me have kit all to myself. it almost makes me want to take back what i said and share. almost.

Posted by: splinter at April 28, 2011 4:57 PM

1. Raylan Givens
2. Raylan Givens
3. Raylan Givens
4. Don Draper
5. Archer (what does the guy who voices him look like?! I tried, but couldn't find a pic)

Posted by: Mel C. at April 28, 2011 5:01 PM

Seeing as I got burned on my last lmgtfy, I'll just post this direct.

http://www.askactor.com/images/casts/United_States/12344/H._Jon_Benjamin_12344_2.jpg

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at April 28, 2011 5:05 PM

Oh! I want to replace one of my Raylan Givens with Michael Weston. That man looked FINE with a beard in the Sam Axe movie. Daaaamn.

Posted by: Mel C. at April 28, 2011 5:06 PM

My list would, of course, include Damon and Stefan Salvatore.

Posted by: An Atlantan at April 28, 2011 5:19 PM

Re: Socrates_Johnson's link

Hmmm... I still would.

Posted by: Mel C. at April 28, 2011 5:22 PM

Mmm, yes, Pacey - talk dirty to me in that sexy, sexy voice of yours.

Posted by: noodlestein at April 28, 2011 5:22 PM

NO DON DRAPER?????? This list can go to hell.

Posted by: Bettie at April 28, 2011 5:35 PM

NO RON SWANSON?????? This list can go to double-hell. Twice.

Posted by: penelope at April 28, 2011 5:42 PM

Marshall Mann (from In Plain Sight) (shut up)
Peter Bishop
Michael Weston
Eric Northman
Alcide Herveaux
Sam Winchester
Raylan Givens

Huh. I like dangerous, broken men. Go figure.

Posted by: Reba at April 28, 2011 5:46 PM

My girlfriend wants to lock Troy and Abed in the Love Dungeon and make them cry.

Posted by: The Mutt at April 28, 2011 5:47 PM

(in no real order):

1. Don Draper
2. Dr. House
3. Peter Bishop
4. Hodgins (Bones - SHUT UP.)
5. The Mentalist guy (Simon somethingorother?)
6. Raylan Givens (I haven't even seen Justified yet and I concur)
7. Anthony Bourdain (so he's not fictional. Whatever. Details...)
8. Jeff Winger
9. Is David Tennant on any current shows? Him then.
10. One more round with Don Draper.

Posted by: Sara H at April 28, 2011 6:24 PM

Any man on the The Vampire Diaries, even Uncle John who's such a douche.

Co-sign.

Mmmm, Uncle Mason.

Mmmmmmmmm, Jeremy Gilbert. Yuh huh. YES I'M A DIRTY PAEDO. YA WANNA FIGHT ABOUT IT?!

Posted by: Anna von Beav at April 28, 2011 6:37 PM

WHY ISN'T DEPUTY US MARSHALL TIM GUTTERSON LISTED!!?

Posted by: Nadine at April 28, 2011 6:45 PM

Stop trying to make Matt Smith happen. IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

Posted by: Amanda6 at April 28, 2011 7:50 PM

Nadine, word. Tim Gutterson has actually topped my lust for Raylan Givens, a thing I never thought possible.

Posted by: CC at April 28, 2011 8:00 PM

I'd like to say thank you for acknowledging the hot-red head that is Dr. Owen Hunt. Truly, our dreamiest ginger

Posted by: Claire Allison at April 28, 2011 8:37 PM

I'd like to say thank you for acknowledging the hot-red head that is Dr. Owen Hunt. Truly, our dreamiest ginger

Posted by: Claire Allison at April 28, 2011 8:37 P

I must say that I have no idea who that gentleman is, but he certainly caught my eye when I was sifting through the pics. He's definitely going in the - admittedly short - Hot Ginger List.

Posted by: Kala at April 28, 2011 8:42 PM

"Stephen Colbert"
Peter Burke from White Collar
Since Firefly is in reruns on The Science Channel, I will count that as current and claim Mal Reynolds and Wash

oh, and Sara H - excuse me, but


HODGINS IS MINE! I WILL CUT YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Three-nineteen at April 28, 2011 8:47 PM

I guess it makes sense that since Dr. Who is a time traveller, he was able to get his hair from 1985.

Posted by: idleprimate at April 28, 2011 8:50 PM

Three-Nineteen - *slaps face with glove* I challenge you to a duel!

Actually, that's fine. I've got 8 other gentleman in waiting who will do nicely.

Posted by: Sara H at April 28, 2011 9:12 PM

I'll join you for the Winchester love, Goldie, and since I prefer Sam, there should be no problems.

Also, I greatly approve of #1.

Posted by: Shibuyama at April 28, 2011 9:35 PM

#1 is ALWAYS the Doctor. Nonbelievers: consider that he has 908 (1103?) years of experience with which to WOW you. Plus, he likes a bad girl. Plus, he can rock a fez. And as Ghandi said, "90% of sexual appeal is attitude, and nothing says attitude like rocking obscure headgear."

Posted by: esme at April 28, 2011 10:23 PM

God you have weird taste in men.

But that's OK.

We'll just fight it out over Ben Wyatt and Coach Taylor, you can keep the rest of the weirdos.

Posted by: Figgy at April 28, 2011 11:31 PM

I feel bad being attracted to Coach Taylor. I would never want to endanger his and Tami's relationship.

May I suggest a replacement of Jesse Pinkman. Yes, the former meth-head who is still mourning the death of his girlfriend who choked on her own vomit after a heroin bender. I know, this is a somewhat odd choice, but I just want to cuddle him. And cuddling always leads to missing salami with me.

Posted by: Austin at April 28, 2011 11:58 PM

I wholeheartedly agree with this list. I might move Ben Wyatt up a few notches, but other than that, I am so on board.

Posted by: Arrogant Ambassador at April 28, 2011 11:58 PM

I prefer Lucius Vorenus to Owen Hunt, because I got a gander at Vorenusbooty. Still, I couldn't say no to Doctor Owen if he insisted.

Posted by: Jerry at April 29, 2011 12:00 AM

WAIT! I'd also swap someone out for Captain Jack. I'd so like to be in the middle of a Doctor/Captain Jack sandwich.

Posted by: Arrogant Ambassador at April 29, 2011 12:00 AM

10-6: Who?
5-1: Holy shit. Get out of my head.

Posted by: littlelion at April 29, 2011 1:11 AM

I would also suggest:
Jim Halpert (The Office)
Bert Chance (Raising Hope)
Marshall Ericson (How I Met Your Mother)

Thank you and good night.

Posted by: Happy Diaz at April 29, 2011 1:18 AM

Don Draper fills all ten spots in my list. And IN MY HEART.

Posted by: mb at April 29, 2011 3:01 AM

You lot can all have Raylan and Boyd, so I will have Deputy Tim all to myself.

Posted by: noo at April 29, 2011 3:05 AM

CC, right?! I'm obsessed, I've watched The ENTIRE Pacific (HOOSIER!) and laughed like a maniac about the fact Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg created Tim by chopping off the Cooperlocks(OBSESSED) and I think it's A FUCKING DAMN SHAME he isn't in the show more. Here's hoping season 3 brings some Gutterson Origins and...well, shirtlessness. Because REALLY.

Posted by: Nadine at April 29, 2011 3:37 AM

noo, I will fight you for Tim, or share. Whatevs, I'm pretty open to anything. Sexual like.

Posted by: Nadine at April 29, 2011 3:41 AM

http://fuckyeahjacobpitts.tumblr.com/

I found this last night....hilarious. And SEXY.

Posted by: Nadine at April 29, 2011 3:43 AM

Nadine, did you do a seal clap of joy when Tim stated "that shit makes me hard" like I did? They need more of him onscreen please.

Posted by: noo at April 29, 2011 4:09 AM

ARE YOU KIDDING? I had downloaded the episode so I rewound and watched it like...eleventy million times. I actually offended The Boyfriend...saying that he's at work now and I'm not(THANKS ROYAL WEDDING) So I could probably rewatch.

As hot as that episode was...and it really was...I think Tim should have been allowed to break out his gun and do some bad assing. I'll be extremely disappointed if he's not in the finale in some way...ideally shirtless because lets face it, Raylan gets topless far more often than seems sensible for a US Marshall.

Posted by: Nadine at April 29, 2011 4:50 AM

Oh my god, that Jacob Pitts Tumblr is a thing of beauty. Nadine, you've made my night. And yes, I heartily approve of your shirtless Tim suggestion. They should just have that man walk around shirtless during the entire finale... they can blame it on the Kentucky heat.

Posted by: CC at April 29, 2011 6:11 AM

No love for the non-white men here, either. I'd say it's interesting, but it's just consistent.

Posted by: jzhz at April 29, 2011 7:43 AM

IT IS VERY HOT IN KENTUCKY CC! HE'D HAVE TO BE COMFORTABLE!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Nadine at April 29, 2011 8:02 AM

Well Nadine I third your suggestion mightily! Mind you, Raylan does a lot of things that are not particularly sensible for a US Marshall. Getting shirtless is possibly the most sensible thing he does come to think of it ;)

Posted by: noo at April 29, 2011 8:38 AM

They should reformat the show 'Shirtless Raylan and Tim do Stuff Like...Shoot Guns Shirtless and Occasionally Wrestle'

Posted by: Nadine at April 29, 2011 8:56 AM

In honour of recently going to watch Daddy Kirk play Thor, I suggest that the wrestling (or in proper southern term - wrassling tm) should be in Mud and it also should be raining.

If that happens I promise to bring the popcorn.

Posted by: noo at April 29, 2011 9:10 AM

Oh, can we call it a date??

Posted by: Nadine at April 29, 2011 9:20 AM

It's a date. Now I'm off to watch yesterday's ep and oO at all the happenings.

Posted by: noo at April 29, 2011 9:22 AM

Not just a fez esme, a fez AND a bow tie.

Posted by: Socrates_Johnson at April 29, 2011 9:30 AM

1-10 - Lt. Commander Steven McGarrett *snaps Lust Salute, Which Might Involve The Dropping Of Pants*
Forever and ever, amen.

Posted by: ChickaBoom! at April 29, 2011 9:52 AM

R.I.PeterBishop.

Posted by: ShagEaredVillain at April 29, 2011 9:52 AM

noo, weird true story, my nickname is noodlepie and my sister only ever calls me noo!

I just rewatched 2x11.....lotsa Tim

Posted by: Nadine at April 29, 2011 9:57 AM

ShagEaredVillain I can name five gay guys right now who would like to Rest In Peter Bishop.

Also, R.I.PeterBishop needs to be your bands name. If you have a band. If not, start one, name them that, it is awesome.

Posted by: Nadine at April 29, 2011 10:06 AM

In no particular order:

1) Don Draper
2) Henry Pollard (aka #7 on this list)
3) Elliott Stabler (anger issues, but yeah, I'm seconding someone's observation that he's probably an animal in the sack)
4) Stephen Colbert
5) Archer (I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds a cartoon character hot)
6) The Piemaker (swoon)
7) Jon Stewart
8) John Oliver
9) Jin Kwon (oh, LOST...sigh)
10) Desmond Hume (more LOST love)

Posted by: Sarah at April 29, 2011 10:26 AM

No love for the non-white men here, either. I'd say it's interesting, but it's just consistent.
Posted by: jzhz at April 29, 2011 7:43 AM

Aren't there two non-white guys on this list?

Posted by: Mighty Mighty Bossy Overtones at April 29, 2011 10:37 AM

I really was expecting to see the "Boys" from Supernatural. Dean, Sam, Castiel(my personal favorite) and yes, even Bobby.

Posted by: Danielle at April 29, 2011 1:29 PM

I'll take Cary Agos and add Eric Northman.

Posted by: Bea at April 29, 2011 1:31 PM

#1 is the creepiest-looking dude ever. I feel like he'd just take off my socks, suck each of my toes individually, stand up, say "Ah, that was fantastic!" and then leave.

Posted by: popo at April 29, 2011 1:35 PM

Raylan! Definitely. Just got into that show, finally, and am loving it.
I'd have to add in Eric Northman, Steve McGarrett (2011 version of course), Damon Salvatore, Jim Halpert, and Burt Chance. I would definitely removed the Doctor, and would have to bargain for the rest.

Posted by: lucy2 at April 29, 2011 2:43 PM

And what a threesome we would make. Troy, Elise and Abed in the Mooorning (with sex hair).

Posted by: E-Money at April 28, 2011 4:34 PM


Just a heads up, E-Money: those cameras aren't real.

Posted by: piedlourde at April 29, 2011 3:10 PM

Oh yeah, you're right - I only counted them as one.

Posted by: jzhz at April 29, 2011 6:47 PM

you cannot. even in death somone will always keep in mind you a single day and criticize you. you cannot please everyone, so don't even attempt.

Posted by: change management at May 5, 2011 5:51 AM