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Natalie Portman's Super Bowl 'SNL' Bounces Between Very Funny and Very Bad

By Dustin Rowles | Saturday Night Live | February 4, 2018 |


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Cold Open — On Fox & Friends, Hope Hicks (Cecily Strong) gets mocked as the “Gossip Girl” of the White House; Fox finally finds someone on the left who agrees with them about the FBI: Louis Farrakhan; and Trump calls in from his bed, where he’s getting his morning briefing (from Fox and Friends). I thought — or at least hoped — that we were done with Alec Baldwin’s Trump. The, uh, Hope Hicks part was OK, but I could do without Alec Baldwin these days, and it’s not because of his Woody Allen defense (although, that too). He just brings absolutely zero insight into Trump. It’s just not funny anymore. (Watch Here) (Score: 3 out of 10)

Natalie Portman Monologue — With the Winter Olympics coming up next week on NBC, Kate & Kenan do real-time Winter Olympics-like commentary on Portman’s monologue. It’s a high school-level premise and it didn’t do much for me, charming though Portman may be. (Watch Here) (Score: 4 out of 10)

New England Patriots — It’s 1775, and the Battle of Bunker Hill has been won, and as happy as the Americans might like to be, they have to listen to the goddamn New England Patriots act like the Massholes they are in celebrating their motherfucking victory. My enjoyment of this sketch — in which Tina Fey (representing Philly) and Rachel Dratch (representing Boston) make cameo appearances — is inversely proportional to how much I hate the New England Patriots. Can I give a sketch a 100/10? I’m giving this sketch a 100/10. Fly Eagles Fly. (Score: 100 out of 10)

Strangers Things Season 3 — This one is worth it just to see Natalie Portman play Millie Bobby Brown. The sketch’s one joke is one that Mat is gonna love. You know how every time Eleven uses her super powers, her nose bleeds a little? Several other “freaks” show off their superpowers, plus their side effects. Cecily, for instance, plays a character who can read minds, but she farts whenever she does. It’s a whole lot of that. (Score: 5 out of 10)

Rapping Natalie Portman — Portman makes good on her implicit promise to bring back her hard-edged, filthy-mouthed, takes-no shit gives-no fucks rapping character (and Andy Samberg tags along, too). It doesn’t achieve quite the heights of the first go around, which had the element of surprise going for it, but it’s still pretty terrific, from the “terrific D” she gets from her husband, to the pot she smoked during labor, to the Star Wars prequels bridge: “Say something about the motherfucking prequels, bitch.” (Watch Here) (Score: 9 out of 10)

Weekend Update — Che and Jost do their thing with Trump, and it works to great effect. Jost’s Passion of the Christ II joke is one of the best of the year (the Pats/Eagles fans joke was not far behind). Catherine Deneuve (Cecily Strong) and Bridget Bardot (Kate McKinnon, in amazing unflattering make-up) come out to argue that the Time’s Up Movement has gone too far (and McKinnon hilariously flays Bardot, almost as though it is personal). Pete Davidson spends some time talking about filming a Dockers commercial, and it’s funnier than it has any right to be, and then Willie caps off a terrific “Update.” (Score: 8 out of 10)

Alien Sex — So, Beck plays an alien who is about to have sex with a Natalie Portman character, only his face is his butt and his butt is his face, which leads to some awkward foreplay (and, uh, butt sneezes). It’s a terrible sketch — like, horrible — but it’s almost terrible enough to be funny. Almost. (Watch Here) (Score: 3 out of 10)

Kid’s Choice Awards Orange Carpet — Portman plays a Nickelodeon correspondent who screams so much that she loses her voice, and then she has to do the entire segment like that. That’s the joke, and the best thing I can say about the segment is that Portman looks great as a blonde. (Score: 2 out of 10) Oh wait, I scored it before she brought out the terrifying vocalizer and received a steroid injection in her neck. The setup was terrible, but the payoff was terrific. (Watch Here) (Score: 5 out of 10)

Melania Trump — The Ghost of Jackie Kennedy appears to give Melania Trump advice ahead of the State of the Union for dealing with her humiliation of being cheated on, and then McKinnon’s Hillary Clinton, Aidy Bryant’s Martha Washington, and Leslie Jones’ Michelle Obama offer their two cents, as well. It should be funnier than it is, but it is not. (Watch Here) (Score: 3 out of 10)

Drinks at the Bar — Four women talk about their problems with dating, and one lady (Aidy Bryant) seems to have wildly different expectations. She’s like the harder-edged version of Melissa McCarthy’s character in Bridesmaids. It’s OK. It’s about what you’d expect from a 10-1 sketch. (Watch Here) (Score: 4 out 10)


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Natalie Portman Raps on 'SNL' Part II (2018) | 5 Shows After Dark: Super Bowl Counter Programming 2018


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