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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Is a Monster!

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | July 3, 2018 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | July 3, 2018 |


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It was just a week ago today that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez entered the national scene after a huge upset victory over a long-time establishment Democrat in the Bronx. For a mere six days, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez seemed to represent such bright hopes for the Democratic party. She energized the base. She embodied the promise of what this party could be: A driving force for immigrants (Abolish Ice!), healthcare (Medicare for All), and education (free tuition for all!)

She is exactly what so many of us want in a Democratic candidate:

Alas, only one week later, the dogged, intrepid Page 6 has uncovered a story so damning that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s future political prospects have dimmed, the light has gone out among Democrats, and we now must all resign ourselves to a desolate future of wishy-washy-ism and establishment-approved centrism. Ocasio-Cortez has been ruined.

Most of the staff at Flats Fix, the East 16th Street taco and tequila bar, say nice things about Sandy, as they knew her for the four years she worked there, until she quit six months ago to run for Congress.

But one waitress has a bad memory of working with Ocasio-Cortez, 28, as Ocasio-Cortez tended bar during the very busy Cinco de Mayo celebration in 2017.

At the end of the night, when it came time to split the $560 in tips she had gotten at the bar, Ocasio-Cortez gave the waitress only $50. After the waitress complained to her manager, her take was doubled to $100, a source said.

“It says so much about her character,” said my source. “From that point on, I wouldn’t talk to her. I couldn’t look at her.”

Obviously, there is no other recourse here: We must all call upon Ocasio-Cortez to resign immediately. Of all of her former workplace colleagues, Page 6 has managed to find one that didn’t like her — that couldn’t look at her — and therefore, she should be disqualified from this position. I mean, granted, Donald Trump stiffed hundreds of contractors out of millions of dollars, but that was different, he is a white man! But Ocasio-Cortez is non-white and a woman.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I am thinking about canceling my membership in the Democratic Party. If Ocasio-Cortez hasn’t quit by the end of the day, I will be forced to vote straight-ticket Republican in the midterms.

via Page 6



Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.


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