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6 Bugs Up Donald Trump's Ass Today

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | April 21, 2018 |

By Dustin Rowles | Politics | April 21, 2018 |


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Trump, who is on vacation at Mar-a-Lago and has been for the last week, has had a lot of free time on his hands, and he has apparently spent it watching cable news, reading the NYTimes, and tweeting his frustrations. Here are six bugs up his ass today.

1. He’s terrified that Michael Cohen will flip, and this piece from Maggie Haberman and the NYTimes, in particular, isn’t helping matters, by reminding the world — and Cohen — that Trump has been shitty to his personal attorney for years, and why should Cohen show loyalty to Trump when he showed no loyalty to Cohen?

2. He’s also trying 1) to distance himself from Cohen (“he’s more than just my attorney, he’s a businessman for himself”), 2) sweet talk Cohen, 3) suggest that, if Cohen flips, anything he says will be made up, and 4)shit all over the non-existent “sources” (Sam Nunberg and Roger Stone, although he dare not refer to Stone for fear of what Stone might leak about him).

3. “Going to Mar-a-Lago to golf while President Obama makes my wife genuinely smile for the first time in years because I am clearly not wanted there and I am an inadequate husband.”

4. “Check this out Michael Cohen, Paul Manafort, and Michael Flynn. Watch me pardon this guy I’ve never heard of! I can pardon you, too, if you play ball!”

5. What he’s saying here is, I’m going to float the idea that James Comey’s memos were owned by the government; that by leaking them he broke the law; and that he’s going to fire Mueller because the Russian investigation is based on illegally leaked memos.

Point of fact: The memos were private; leaking them wasn’t illegal; the two memos with classified information were both classified after the fact and one had the sensitive information redacted and the other wasn’t “classified” it was “confidential.” Also, a Special Counsel was appointed not because Comey leaked emails after he was fired, but because he was fired.

6. By “he totally made up many of the things he said,” Donald Trump is trying to say that “nothing that makes me look bad in the memos is true, especially that part about me being obsessed with the Russian hookers.”

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.



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