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Wolverine Slurpee | Pajiba - Scathing Reviews for Bitchy People

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This Week In Weird Wolverine News

Marketing Execs Are Actually Getting Dumber / TK

Miscellaneous | April 10, 2009 | Comments (26)

There is no movie news to be found here. In fact, there is absolutely nothing useful at all in this post. Other than sheer, rampant stupid awesomeness. And further evidence that film marketing is getting weirder and weirder.

Picture, if you will, me innocently going to the 7-11 by my office today to get myself a snack. I browse the aisle, settle on my choice (Pepsi and Sun Chips) and then, I am presented with this piece of marketing genius:


wolvie.jpg

Uh huh. Feel free to click that bad boy to enlarge it.

Because when I think Wolverine, I think Slurpee! Am I right? Huh? Right?

WOLVERINE SLURPEE! It’ll taste like… like… metal and chest hair? Sweat and snarling? Failure? Poor execution?

Oh, I know! I know! The Wolverine Slurpee will taste like pure, unadulterated geek rage.

Mmmm…


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Comments

See, I would just take that poster as directions. So if I ever see Hugh Jackaman in person, his face and neck will be mine to tongue bathe and he can't get mad. "But the Slurpee sign TOLD me to do it!"

Posted by: Julie at April 10, 2009 3:34 PM

And now I'm dying over the term "Jackaman." Ah Freudian slips. I haven't even had beer yet.

Posted by: Julie at April 10, 2009 3:35 PM

How probable that one of these will be in one of the Pajiba ladies' living rooms soon?

Me, I want a Scotty Slurpee. DilithiumBerry!

Paramount! Get to work on that. And get some 7-11's in Atlanta.

Posted by: Jay at April 10, 2009 3:35 PM

It figures that YOU would be Pepsi Drinker...

Posted by: BarbadoSlim at April 10, 2009 3:37 PM

It’ll taste like… like… metal and chest hair? Sweat and snarling? Failure? Poor execution?

TK, this might be the funniest thing I've read, like, ever.

What *does* snarling taste like, anyway? Enquiring minds wanna know...

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at April 10, 2009 3:38 PM

How about a Pookie Slurpee?

Posted by: Pookie at April 10, 2009 3:39 PM

So Twilight is casting, didja see? They want all looks and types.
I'm pale, I gel my hair, when I'm brooding I can totally pull off the "Edward Cullen" look. I think I need to go for this.
I really have been told I'd look like him if I was greasier.

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at April 10, 2009 3:47 PM

Is it because his mutant healing power would prevent him from getting brainfreeze? That's half the masochistic fun of drinking Slurpees.

Posted by: branded at April 10, 2009 3:49 PM

It will taste like balls. Duh.

Posted by: marya at April 10, 2009 3:50 PM

Dragonballs.

Posted by: marya at April 10, 2009 3:56 PM

Awesome. Can someone please steal me a copy of that cardboard cutout of Hugh Jackman? I do not have easy access to a 7-11.

Posted by: Melody at April 10, 2009 4:03 PM

Look, that was the winner in the marketing meeting. It beat out the Wolverine Gummi Claws, Wolverine Feminine Hygiene Spray and the Wolverine Hot Pocket (Poutine Flavor!)

Posted by: Mrcreosote at April 10, 2009 4:15 PM

and the Wolverine Hot Pocket (Poutine Flavor!)

...I stand corrected.

Posted by: Anna von Beaverplatz at April 10, 2009 4:19 PM

Snarling tastes just like burnt popcorn. I promise.

Posted by: Wednesday at April 10, 2009 4:34 PM

Yeah, I saw this a couple days ago, resting strangely close to the sushi and newspaper stands. Meh. Poor marketing indeed.

Posted by: Brie at April 10, 2009 4:41 PM

I watched the leaked version of Wolverine, god it was just so awful. I love Wolverine, I love X-Men, I seriously wanted my time back. So many inconsistencies, bad acting, terrible dialogue, and just general shitty quality.

Posted by: Hurp Durp at April 10, 2009 4:41 PM

I think the best part...
SLURPEE.COM

Posted by: badalamenti at April 10, 2009 4:42 PM

i want it in my bedroom!

Posted by: caro at April 10, 2009 5:45 PM

i want it in my BED.

Posted by: gp at April 10, 2009 6:40 PM

I've actually quite liked Hugh Jackman in everything I've ever seen him do. I don't seek him out, but I think he's a very good actor.

But I have this puerile reaction every time I try to say his name: Hugh Jackman...

Huge...ackman.

Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee...

Posted by: Jerce at April 10, 2009 6:40 PM

you know they do this quite often, right? I was drinking Incredible Gulps for a while before the last Incredible Hulk movie came out.

And I believe they did a tie-in for Iron Man as well.

Yes, I work across the street from a 7-11; i also have a serious caffeine addiction, and i don't like coffee.

Posted by: lizzieborden at April 10, 2009 6:54 PM

My brother has this in his basement. My nephew works at 7-11 (I know).

Posted by: SilverDeb at April 10, 2009 6:59 PM

How probable that one of these will be in one of the Pajiba ladies' living rooms soon?

*hides the five she has in her bedroom right now*

Nothing to see here!

*hides the one she painstakingly attached a composite of shirtless wolverine photos to in order to make him look almost naked*

*whistles*

Posted by: figgy at April 10, 2009 7:20 PM

You can just knock it off with your bourgeois blatherings about High Jackman and 7-11. The fact is, he's hot. He's so hot that Pookie lies in bed at night and dreams of being that hot. He's so hot that Eva Green despairs of herself when she looks in the mirror. He's so hot that his wife is extra-suntanned, just from living with him. One day we'll wake up and realize he was the sun's bastard offspring with Venus, put here to fuck with us and make us buy cool beverages.

Yeah. He's that hot.

Posted by: Suz at April 12, 2009 1:26 AM

Just change the first "E" to an "M" and you get Wolverine saying SLURP ME!

Posted by: Odnon at April 13, 2009 12:25 AM

I've seen these Wolverine banner ads on websites for Gillette or some other razor company. They have Wolvie with his arms across his chest, wrist blades parallel to look exactly like a three blade shaver.

One problem but.

What does Wolverine's face look like? Is that what passes for a smooth shave?

Posted by: Bane at April 13, 2009 12:42 AM





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