Which Of These Two Newly Married Couples Will Restore America's Faith In Love After the Poehnett Divorce?
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Which Of These Two Newly Married Couples Will Restore America's Faith In Love After the Poehnett Divorce?

By Dustin Rowles | Miscellaneous | September 10, 2012 | Comments ()


When one marriage disintegrates, crushing our hopes that true love can exist in this world, another marriage springs forth, mostly validating our belief that true love will never exist. Such is the case with the weekend's first marriage, between Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds, who didn't even wait for the embers to burn out on his first two-year marriage to Scarlett Johannson, which followed a three-year engagement to Alanis Morissette, before he and his abs took the plunge.

True love, indeed. At least for a few months. Blake Lively, of course, has a reputation for falling in love with her co-stars. The good news is: Lively's career has hit a snag, and she has no projects impending.

Such a sweet couple. For a few more weeks, at least.


But here's the one I'm pinning my hopes for true love on: Cobie Smulders and Taran Killam were also married over the weekend. Those crazy kids have been living in sin for years, and even have a bastard child together. I understand that they were content to live in the Devil's penthouse for the rest of their lives, but Amy Poehler personally contacted Taran Killam to request that they tie the knot in order to restore America's belief that two television stars can, indeed, make it work.

Look how adorable they are.


I give it three years before poor Shaelyn Cado Killam begins the step-parent tally.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • laylaness

    Neither. Love is dead.

  • e jerry powell

    Who are these people?

  • minxy

    Prove me wrong kids...Prove me wrong!

  • RudeMorgue

    "Bastard Child?" Even tongue in cheek that's lame.

  • John G.

    Did he go topless to his own wedding? He's out McConaughey'd McConaughey

  • Kip Hackman

    If this isn't eloquent eloquence, I don't know what is.

  • John G.

    once hell freezes over and Mrs. Julien stops hating me.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I hate John G.? I have got to start keeping a list...

  • Three_nineteen

    I can't believe I'm actually typing this: I have no idea who Blake Lively is, but I thought she was dating Leonardo DiCaprio?

  • Fredo

    Ryan Reynolds isn't that funny. At least not funny enough to have landed Alanis, Scarlett and now Blake.

    So it's the abs. It's gotta be the abs. Don't lie to me and tell me it's not the abs.

    I bet you the abs aren't that funny either. Not that it matters.

  • Rumors say he's gay, these women have been his beards. Blake Lively is only doing this to get into the headlines. Trust.

  • BWeaves

    Oh common, Peaches Geldof and Thomas Cohen 4evah! or 6 months, whatever.

  • Mrcreosote

    Listen clusternuts. I know you're all throwing your black plastic framed glasses against a wall because your fey married comedian couples keep breaking up, but it's not love that's lost-it's you. We all know that comedians and actors are damaged goods, little balls of insecurity and neediness that cannot comit to another person because they have a bottomless pit of me at their core. You want long lasting commitment, dedication and support? There's already a shining example and it's Ice T and Coco. They are awesome, and as a bonus don't have and don't want kids. F*ck you middle America.

  • apsutter

    Ice T and Coco are amazing!! You'd think they would be have the most shallow, superficial marriage but in reality they are so loyal to each other and have a deep commitment. The quotes from them about love and their marriage are the best. I love that they dont want kids either.

  • phase10

    Why? What did it do to you?

  • Mrcreosote

    Life according to Jim. Two and a Half Men. CSI whatever. Big Bang Theory. Anything involving Reba. Farm subsidies. The protection of Marriage Act. Tim Tebow. The Bachelor. Long painful drives. Sam Brownback. Rush Limbaugh. John Mellencamp.
    On the plus side, I'm fond of corn.

  • Opie Curious

    Colbie Smulders is wonderful, but she is Canadian. If the restoration of America's faith in love is in the hands of a Canadian, we might as well pack it in. Look what happened with Will Arnett. (Yeah, I'm taking sides.)

  • Fredo

    The last time America's heart was in Canadian hands, it was Pamela Anderson (from BC) who gave us THE sextape. Then she and Tommy Lee and Kid Rock gave us the whitest-trashiest love triangle ever. Then they all gave us hep C.

    So here's hoping Cobie doesn't run into the next Kid Rock anytime soon.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    That was not America's heart...

  • zeke_the_pig

    The answer, of course, is none. Prepare yourself for a vast, loveless wasteland devoid of passion and hope that stretches as far and wide as the eye can see. Or at least as far and wide as it could see if it wasn't strained with bitter tears of hopelessness and defeat. I'm used to that kind of environment - I live in London, but you guys... Well, good luck.

  • Rochelle

    In the arena picture Taran Killam looks like Adam Pally. Oooo. That's who restores my faith in love - Adam Pally and who ever he's dating.

  • pajiba

    Pally is married to a not famous person: http://www.pajiba.com/seriousl...

  • Rochelle

    I just failed as a stalker.

  • Groundloop

    But you won as a human being, so on balance you're ahead.

  • Pants-are-a-must

    For me, it's more like who Adam Pally's character is dating, because I think it's so cruel we've been given Max/Schmidt before we knew what to do with it, and then it was gone.

  • Rochelle

    For someone I don't actually know - I think Adam Pally is great. I'd root for him and whoever. But yes, we needed more Max/Schmidt. Television is a cruel land.

  • Nimue

    My hope remain pinned on Alyson Hannigan and Alexis Denisof. If those two ever spilt, I honestly don't know what I will do!

  • Pants-are-a-must

    Loving the Killam/Smulders marriage. I wonder what their celeb nickname would be. Killders? Smillam?

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Since they aren't "celebs" so much as "actors a handful of people know by name"...I don't think it's an issue.
    (ps: they probably want to keep it that way)

  • Pants-are-a-must

    But where's the fun in that? They have such unusual names!

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