The Unanswered Questions of "Saved by the Bell": A Pajiba Palate Cleanser
Here are just seven of the plotpoints that clearly disappeared into Max's magic hat.
What Happened to Jessie's Step-Brother Eric?
Eric moves from New York (via Fonzieville, evidently) to attend Bayside after his mom marries Jessie's dad. Nevermind that Jessie's step-mom is a blonde, accent-free early '90s aerobics type. Anyway, he torments the gang, then rescues them (he knows how to fix cars because he's from New York, you see? [I don't know that I see...]) and falls in magical forever love with Lisa. Then he disappears.
What Shakespearean War Took Place Betwixt Bayside and Valley?
I mean, there are rivalries and then there is this. In one episode, a girl actually transfers to Bayside for the sole purpose of making Screech lose a chess tournament over a $300 bet.
I mean, I feel like Belding killed a guy. I'm, like, 99% certain Belding killed a guy.
So, That Time Zack Took and Published Bikini Photos of the Girls...What Was That About?
So, Zack decides to create and sell a "Girls of Bayside" calendar. He enlists Screech to take underwater photos of them at swim practice. Except the photos are all totally posed and glamourous.
I guess what I'm asking is (in addition to, you know, why wasn't Zack arrested) is that how swimming works? On land and totally dry, posing like a pageant girl? Because if that's the case, I really feel like it shouldn't be an Olympic event.
What THE HELL Happened With Zack and Lisa?
I mean, COME ON, this was a deep passionate love worth destroying a lifelong friendship and it was just *poof* apparently all a dream *distracting hand gestures of magic and wonder*.
What Happened to Screech?
I'm going to just trust the writers on this one, because clearly this was bigger than the intensification of a character's more humorous attributes, as it was not in the least bit humorous. I am fairly certain that Screech had some manner of trauma, be it brain trauma or emotional trauma, stunting him from a prodigious genius, one who created a helpful robot, into Human Goofy. Either way, I feel like Belding was involved.
What happened, Screech? Show us on the doll.
Zack Wore a Full Native American Headdress and Called Himself "Running Zack"
That's not a question. I just wanted to remind you that happened. He was the original "1/16th Navajo" Dave from "Happy Endings."
Was Tori Part of an Alternate Universe, or a Vast Parent Trap Conspiracy?
So, we all know of the "Tori Paradox." But I think my theory might just crack this whole thing wide open.
So, Leanna Creel, who played Tori, is actually a triplet. She and her sisters played the daughters of Barry Bostwick and Haley Mills in the made-for-TV move The Parent Trap 3: Hawaiian Honeymoon. They got up to identical shenanigans and stuff. And who is Haley Mills? The Bayside gang's former Indiana-based teacher, Miss Bliss.
And who is Haley Mills's sister? Juliet Mills, Witch Tabitha from "Passions."
It's all connected, you guys. *adjusts foil hat*
And, with that, my thoughts return to Boston. Thanks for taking a break with me.