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The Teen Choice Awards and How Today's Teenagers Really Aren't That Much Dumber than Teenagers in 1992

By Dustin Rowles | Miscellaneous | August 8, 2011 | Comments ()


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Before we get down to the business of mocking teenagers for their teenager ways, I thought I'd first try and offer some perspective. First: Some of the winners in this year's Teen Choice Awards aren't bad. Where Harry Potter is concerned, I'd expect most teenagers today choose it as the best movie. At that age, I probably would have, as well. Also, Easy A wins a few categories here (as does Emma Stone) and, at 17, that movie would've been rocked my Jordan Knight pompadour, too. They also choose Black Swan and Natalie Portman in a couple of categories, which are fine choices. More inexplicable are the wins for the likes of Just Go With It, Brooklyn Decker, and Bad Teacher (as well as Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake). Not only is Bad Teacher a terrible movie, but the target audience aren't even teenagers (it was R-rated, as was Black Swan, come to think of it).

But before looking over the list of winners from last night's Teen Choice Awards, I thought I'd look back at 1992 and quickly surmise what 16-year-olds at that time might've chosen as the victors in the major categories (I'm not covering all the categories because there are something like 35 categories because in today's world, no one goes home a loser, even the losers). I'm not saying these are my choices necessarily (Singles and Kuffs would've swept most categories), but they're likely the choices that most teens in 1992 would've made.


Best Movie: Wayne's World

Best Actor: Christian Slater, Kuffs

Best Actress: Whoopi Goldberg, Sister Act

Best Action Movie: Batman Returns

Best Romantic Comedy: Cutting Edge

Best Horror Movie: Bram Stoker's Dracula

Best Drama: School Ties

Best Sci-Fi: Aliens 3

Best Animated Film: Aladdin

Best Bromance: Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes, White Men Can't Jump

Breakout Role Male: Brendan Fraser, Encino Man

Breakout Role Female: Kristy Swanson, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Best Liplock: D.B. Sweeney, Moira Kelly The Cutting Edge

Best Villain: Jennifer Jason Leigh, Single White Female

Take away the nostalgia factor and those choices aren't substantially better than the ones below, at least if you discount Just Go With It and Bad Teacher, which we can chalk up to teenagers' strange fascination with Adam Sandler (?) and their more appropriate one with Justin Timberlake.

The 2011 Teen Choice Award Winners

Choice Summer Movie
Captain America: The First Avenger
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
Horrible Bosses
Monte Carlo
Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Choice Summer Movie Star: Male
Chris Evans, Captain America: The First Avenger
Shia LeBeouf, Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Cory Monteith, Monte Carlo
Daniel Radcliffe, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
Justin Timberlake, Friends with Benefits

Choice Summer Movie Star: Female
Rosario Dawson, Zookeeper
Selena Gomez, Monte Carlo
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Mila Kunis, Friends with Benefits
Emma Watson, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

Choice Movie: Action
Fast Five
Faster
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
The Tourist
Unstoppable

Choice Movie Actor: Action
Michael Cera, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Johnny Depp, The Tourist
Vin Diesel, Fast Five
Dwayne Johnson, Fast Five
Paul Walker, Fast Five

Choice Movie Actress: Action
Jordana Brewster, Fast Five
Rosario Dawson, Unstoppable
Carla Gugino, Faster
Angelina Jolie, The Tourist
Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Choice Movie Breakout: Female
Brooklyn Decker, Just Go With It
Zoë Kravitz, X-Men: First Class
Jennifer Lawrence, X-Men: First Class
Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit
Olivia Wilde, TRON: Legacy

Choice Movie Breakout: Male
Joel Courtney, Super 8
Armie Hammer, The Social Network
Chris Hemsworth, Thor
Alex Pettyfer, I Am Number Four / Beastly
Xavier Samuel, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

Choice Movie: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Super 8
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
X-Men: First Class

Choice Movie Actor: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
Johnny Depp, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Taylor Lautner, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Robert Pattinson, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Daniel Radcliffe, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1
Ryan Reynolds, Green Lantern

Choice Movie Actress: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
Penelope Cruz, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Elle Fanning, Super 8
Blake Lively, Green Lantern
Kristen Stewart, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Emma Watson, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1

Choice Movie: Drama
Black Swan
Limitless
The Roommate
Soul Surfer
Water for Elephants

Choice Movie Actor: Drama
Bradley Cooper, Limitless
Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network
Cam Gigandet, The Roommate
Shia LaBeouf, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps
Robert Pattinson, Water for Elephants

Choice Movie Actress: Drama
Minka Kelly, The Roommate
Leighton Meester, Country Strong
Natalie Portman, Black Swan
AnnaSophia Robb, Soul Surfer
Reese Witherspoon, Water for Elephants

Choice Movie: Romantic Comedy
Easy A
Just Go With It
Life As We Know It
No Strings Attached
Something Borrowed

Choice Movie Actor: Romantic Comedy
Penn Badgley, Easy A
Josh Duhamel, Life as We Know It
John Krasinski, Something Borrowed
Ashton Kutcher, No Strings Attached
Adam Sandler, Just Go With It

Choice Movie Actress: Romantic Comedy
Jennifer Aniston, Just Go With It
Ginnifer Goodwin, Something Borrowed
Natalie Portman, No Strings Attached
Emma Roberts, The Art of Getting By
Emma Stone, Easy A

Choice Movie: Comedy
Bad Teacher
Bridesmaids
Due Date
Little Fockers
The Other Guys

Choice Movie Actor: Comedy
Russell Brand, Arthur
Will Ferrell, "The Other Guys
Zach Galifianakis, Due Date/ The Hangover Part II
Ed Helms, The Hangover Part II
Justin Timberlake, Bad Teacher

Choice Movie Actress: Comedy
Cameron Diaz, Bad Teacher
Anna Faris, Take Me Home Tonight
Eva Mendes, The Other Guys
Maya Rudolph, Bridesmaids
Kristen Wiig, Bridesmaids

Choice Movie: Horror
Let Me In
Paranormal Activity 2
Piranha 3D
Saw 3D: The Final Chapter
Scream 4

Choice Animated Movie: Voice
Jack Black, Kung Fu Panda 2
Johnny Depp, Rango
Anne Hathaway, Rio
Zachary Levi, Tangled
Justin Timberlake, Yogi Bear

Choice Movie Chemistry
Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg, The Other Guys
Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis and Bradley Cooper, The Hangover Part II
Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston, Just Go With It
The Super 8 Crew, Super 8
The First Class, X-Men: First Class

Choice Movie Liplock
Vanessa Hudgens and Alex Pettyfer, Beastly
Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman, Black Swan
Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1

Choice Movie Hissy Fit
The Alien, Super 8
Ed Helms, The Hangover Part II
Robert Downey Jr., Due Date
Mark Wahlberg, The Other Guys
Kristin Wiig, Bridesmaids

Choice Movie Villain
Kevin Bacon, X-Men: First Class
Tom Felton, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1
Bryce Dallas Howard, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Ian McShane, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Leighton Meester, The Roommate

Choice Movie: Male Scene Stealer
Riley Griffiths, Super 8
Andrew Garfield, The Social Network
Ken Jeong, The Hangover Part II
Kellan Lutz, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Justin Timberlake, The Social Network

Choice Movie: Female Scene Stealer
Ashley Greene, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Mila Kunis, Black Swan
Melissa McCarthy, Bridesmaids
Alyson Michalka, The Roommate / Easy A
Crystal the Monkey, The Hangover Part II


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