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The Teen Choice Awards and How Today's Teenagers Really Aren't That Much Dumber than Teenagers in 1992

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Miscellaneous | Comments (22)

Cutting-Edge-ovies.jpg

Before we get down to the business of mocking teenagers for their teenager ways, I thought I’d first try and offer some perspective. First: Some of the winners in this year’s Teen Choice Awards aren’t bad. Where Harry Potter is concerned, I’d expect most teenagers today choose it as the best movie. At that age, I probably would have, as well. Also, Easy A wins a few categories here (as does Emma Stone) and, at 17, that movie would’ve been rocked my Jordan Knight pompadour, too. They also choose Black Swan and Natalie Portman in a couple of categories, which are fine choices. More inexplicable are the wins for the likes of Just Go With It, Brooklyn Decker, and Bad Teacher (as well as Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake). Not only is Bad Teacher a terrible movie, but the target audience aren’t even teenagers (it was R-rated, as was Black Swan, come to think of it).

But before looking over the list of winners from last night’s Teen Choice Awards, I thought I’d look back at 1992 and quickly surmise what 16-year-olds at that time might’ve chosen as the victors in the major categories (I’m not covering all the categories because there are something like 35 categories because in today’s world, no one goes home a loser, even the losers). I’m not saying these are my choices necessarily (Singles and Kuffs would’ve swept most categories), but they’re likely the choices that most teens in 1992 would’ve made.


Best Movie: Wayne’s World

Best Actor: Christian Slater, Kuffs

Best Actress: Whoopi Goldberg, Sister Act

Best Action Movie: Batman Returns

Best Romantic Comedy: Cutting Edge

Best Horror Movie: Bram Stoker’s Dracula

Best Drama: School Ties

Best Sci-Fi: Aliens 3

Best Animated Film: Aladdin

Best Bromance: Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes, White Men Can’t Jump

Breakout Role Male: Brendan Fraser, Encino Man

Breakout Role Female: Kristy Swanson, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Best Liplock: D.B. Sweeney, Moira Kelly The Cutting Edge

Best Villain: Jennifer Jason Leigh, Single White Female

Take away the nostalgia factor and those choices aren’t substantially better than the ones below, at least if you discount Just Go With It and Bad Teacher, which we can chalk up to teenagers’ strange fascination with Adam Sandler (?) and their more appropriate one with Justin Timberlake.

The 2011 Teen Choice Award Winners

Choice Summer Movie
Captain America: The First Avenger
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
Horrible Bosses
Monte Carlo
Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Choice Summer Movie Star: Male
Chris Evans, Captain America: The First Avenger
Shia LeBeouf, Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Cory Monteith, Monte Carlo
Daniel Radcliffe, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
Justin Timberlake, Friends with Benefits

Choice Summer Movie Star: Female
Rosario Dawson, Zookeeper
Selena Gomez, Monte Carlo
Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Mila Kunis, Friends with Benefits
Emma Watson, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

Choice Movie: Action
Fast Five
Faster
Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
The Tourist
Unstoppable

Choice Movie Actor: Action
Michael Cera, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Johnny Depp, The Tourist
Vin Diesel, Fast Five
Dwayne Johnson, Fast Five
Paul Walker, Fast Five

Choice Movie Actress: Action
Jordana Brewster, Fast Five
Rosario Dawson, Unstoppable
Carla Gugino, Faster
Angelina Jolie, The Tourist
Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

Choice Movie Breakout: Female
Brooklyn Decker, Just Go With It
Zoë Kravitz, X-Men: First Class
Jennifer Lawrence, X-Men: First Class
Hailee Steinfeld, True Grit
Olivia Wilde, TRON: Legacy

Choice Movie Breakout: Male
Joel Courtney, Super 8
Armie Hammer, The Social Network
Chris Hemsworth, Thor
Alex Pettyfer, I Am Number Four / Beastly
Xavier Samuel, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

Choice Movie: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Super 8
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
X-Men: First Class

Choice Movie Actor: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
Johnny Depp, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Taylor Lautner, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Robert Pattinson, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Daniel Radcliffe, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1
Ryan Reynolds, Green Lantern

Choice Movie Actress: Sci-Fi/Fantasy
Penelope Cruz, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Elle Fanning, Super 8
Blake Lively, Green Lantern
Kristen Stewart, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Emma Watson, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1

Choice Movie: Drama
Black Swan
Limitless
The Roommate
Soul Surfer
Water for Elephants

Choice Movie Actor: Drama
Bradley Cooper, Limitless
Jesse Eisenberg, The Social Network
Cam Gigandet, The Roommate
Shia LaBeouf, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps
Robert Pattinson, Water for Elephants

Choice Movie Actress: Drama
Minka Kelly, The Roommate
Leighton Meester, Country Strong
Natalie Portman, Black Swan
AnnaSophia Robb, Soul Surfer
Reese Witherspoon, Water for Elephants

Choice Movie: Romantic Comedy
Easy A
Just Go With It
Life As We Know It
No Strings Attached
Something Borrowed

Choice Movie Actor: Romantic Comedy
Penn Badgley, Easy A
Josh Duhamel, Life as We Know It
John Krasinski, Something Borrowed
Ashton Kutcher, No Strings Attached
Adam Sandler, Just Go With It

Choice Movie Actress: Romantic Comedy
Jennifer Aniston, Just Go With It
Ginnifer Goodwin, Something Borrowed
Natalie Portman, No Strings Attached
Emma Roberts, The Art of Getting By
Emma Stone, Easy A

Choice Movie: Comedy
Bad Teacher
Bridesmaids
Due Date
Little Fockers
The Other Guys

Choice Movie Actor: Comedy
Russell Brand, Arthur
Will Ferrell, “The Other Guys
Zach Galifianakis, Due Date/ The Hangover Part II
Ed Helms, The Hangover Part II
Justin Timberlake, Bad Teacher

Choice Movie Actress: Comedy
Cameron Diaz, Bad Teacher
Anna Faris, Take Me Home Tonight
Eva Mendes, The Other Guys
Maya Rudolph, Bridesmaids
Kristen Wiig, Bridesmaids

Choice Movie: Horror
Let Me In
Paranormal Activity 2
Piranha 3D
Saw 3D: The Final Chapter
Scream 4

Choice Animated Movie: Voice
Jack Black, Kung Fu Panda 2
Johnny Depp, Rango
Anne Hathaway, Rio
Zachary Levi, Tangled
Justin Timberlake, Yogi Bear

Choice Movie Chemistry
Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg, The Other Guys
Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis and Bradley Cooper, The Hangover Part II
Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston, Just Go With It
The Super 8 Crew, Super 8
The First Class, X-Men: First Class

Choice Movie Liplock
Vanessa Hudgens and Alex Pettyfer, Beastly
Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman, Black Swan
Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Emma Watson and Daniel Radcliffe, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1

Choice Movie Hissy Fit
The Alien, Super 8
Ed Helms, The Hangover Part II
Robert Downey Jr., Due Date
Mark Wahlberg, The Other Guys
Kristin Wiig, Bridesmaids

Choice Movie Villain
Kevin Bacon, X-Men: First Class
Tom Felton, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1
Bryce Dallas Howard, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Ian McShane, Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Leighton Meester, The Roommate

Choice Movie: Male Scene Stealer
Riley Griffiths, Super 8
Andrew Garfield, The Social Network
Ken Jeong, The Hangover Part II
Kellan Lutz, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Justin Timberlake, The Social Network

Choice Movie: Female Scene Stealer
Ashley Greene, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Mila Kunis, Black Swan
Melissa McCarthy, Bridesmaids
Alyson Michalka, The Roommate / Easy A
Crystal the Monkey, The Hangover Part II


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Comments

how did daniel radcliffe and emma watson win choice liplock ..did anyone even see that movie

Posted by: britttt at August 8, 2011 11:28 AM

TOE PICK

We'll break you yet, Rowles.

Posted by: Joanna Robinson at August 8, 2011 11:31 AM

To me this is just a list of movies I would never let my "teen" watch.

Posted by: westcott at August 8, 2011 11:33 AM

Ahh, young Moira Kelly. Such a lifetime ago....

Posted by: Fredo at August 8, 2011 11:39 AM

I always thought "teen" choice awards was a bit off. I sure as shit wasn't watching this when I was 16. Also, how many 9-12 year-olds do you think watch/vote for this? Anyway, seeing Ed Helms win in a R-rated movie was quite funny. How much of this was mid-teens sneaking into theaters and voting vs. some ten-year-old kid saying, "My older brother said Hangover 2 was awesome. I'm voting for Ned Helms"?

Posted by: pissant at August 8, 2011 11:43 AM

I wonder if Dustin objects to Whoopi Goldberg winning for the film in 1992 he hates so much that he made it the April Fool's Day joke a few years back?

Posted by: Robert at August 8, 2011 12:14 PM

Daniel Radcliffe and Emma Watson had one "steamy" scene in HP7 Part 1. So yeah, lots of teens saw that movie. And look at the options they could have voted for. *Two* of them in that category involved Kristin Stewart.

I don't know who nominates movies for Teen Choice Awards, but they have to be mentally damaged. I've got a teenager, and talk to her friends/teammates pretty regularly, and NONE of them were interested in seeing True Grit, but they were all interested in seeing Black Swan because a) ballerina pretty and b) lesbian scene. So why even put True Grit up there?

I'm not shocked at all about the Bad Teacher love for the same reason: look at the competition. An older movie (Due Date), a movie that teenage boys wouldn't be caught dead in (Bridesmaids), and one that I can't even remember (The Other Guys) which means it probably stayed in the theaters for a about 25 seconds. Toss in perennial teen favorite Justin Timberlake, and it's easy to see why it was a big winner.

Every teenager I know but ONE is allowed to watch R-rated movies. And the rest of that crowd think she's pretty weird to have that rule.

Posted by: Wednesday at August 8, 2011 12:35 PM

Kids really are idiots. Brooklyn Decker over Hailee Steinfeld? Mind you, I'm sure no teenager would bother watching True Grit. Frankly, I'm surprised Olivia Wilde didn't win just because of the ooooh pretty lights.


Posted by: admin at August 8, 2011 1:01 PM

Thanks for the Cutting Edge gif. Was my favorite movie for years!
"Yes, Doug can read."

Posted by: Jill at August 8, 2011 1:06 PM

Alex Pettyfer...*shudder* What is the appeal of this kid? He scares me...scares me like, if I ran into him in a dark alley I would blow my rape whistle soooooo hard. Now there's a dude who would not hesitate to strangle you with your own panties before sodomizing your corpse.

Posted by: E the B at August 8, 2011 1:57 PM

The Teen Choice awards is one of the worst things humanity has ever produced. If I'm not mistaken, one year the event was co-hosted by Hillary Duff and Rob Schneider, and featured a musical performance by Kevin Federline.

It almost makes the Nickelodeon Kids Choice awards look watchable.

Posted by: Devil Child at August 8, 2011 3:16 PM

I was 14 in 1992, and there is no freaking way teens would have chosen Whoopi Goldberg or Sister Act for best anything in 1992.

Posted by: Carrie at August 8, 2011 3:19 PM

I'm amazed they didn't create a whole new Best Trailer category, just so they could nominate Twilight some more and get LipBite and Sparkletoes to attend.

Posted by: figgy at August 8, 2011 3:55 PM

What the fuck is a hissy fit?

Posted by: zito at August 8, 2011 4:18 PM

Looking at this list, my inner teenage self (the awkward, somewhat pimply Internet nerd) celebrated in aggressive delight that HP swept some categories. I'll be 25 tomorrow.

I'll show myself out.

Posted by: duckandcover at August 8, 2011 6:47 PM

Thank the Dogs that there were no teen choice awards in the mid-80s, right?

Posted by: Jerry at August 8, 2011 8:01 PM

TOE PICK!

That is all. Still one of my all time favourite movies.

Posted by: noo at August 8, 2011 8:26 PM

Joanna, my silver-tongued (fingered?) maven of all things ordered and unordered, it's been cinched.

The ToePick .gif has completed my life.

You complete me.

Let's retire to Florida together, to oogle hot women for the benefit of the male gaze and drink things on the lanai.

I'll even let you be Blanche.

Posted by: ophelia at August 8, 2011 9:13 PM

I was 17 in 1992. I would've never voted for any of those movies. I always hated the teen choice awards and I hated Nickelodeon after they took 'You Can't Do That On Television' off the air. Fuck em all.

Posted by: Candy at August 8, 2011 11:05 PM

I just watched that Toe Pick gif about twenty times. Mesmerizing, that Moira is.

Posted by: Jennie at August 9, 2011 10:53 AM

Can someone tell them to limit their categories? It’s like 100 categories there. We need 15 minutes just to read the winners. And that’s only Movie categories. There are also TV and Sport and Music.

And did everyone noticed that this is the first time where Twilight people LOST in so many categories? Mostly to Harry potter kids. How did that happen? They got all MTV movie awards. How did Bella, Jacob and Edward lost? Were there too many categories to Twihards to vote? Is this the begining of the end of Twilight obsession?

And also if this is Teen Choice awards then I think they should allow to vote only teenagers. There were suppose to be some places at the studio or somewhere where teenagers should come, show their ID to prove their age and vote. So that we would not have those 30-45 olds Twilight moms to vote 100 times on Internet. And that would be the real teenagers vote.

Posted by: Shy at August 10, 2011 4:23 AM

TOE PICK! nothing more needs to be said

Posted by: karen at August 10, 2011 1:37 PM