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The Insane Hobbit Versions of Amy Poehler and Will Arnett Separate After 30 Years of Marriage

By Dustin Rowles | Miscellaneous | October 8, 2012 | Comments ()


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If I am lucky enough to be married for 30 years, and after three decades decide that it's not working anymore, you know what? I'm probably going to keep my mouth shut and ride it out until the sweet release of death. You don't f*ck with 30 years. I don't care how successful you are in life, unless it's an abusive one, a 30-year marriage is probably the biggest accomplishment you will ever achieve.

But that's where it seems to be ending for Danny DeVito, 67, and Rhea Perlman, 64, who are separating after 30 years of marriage. That's bummer news, especially since I always kind of thought of them as the real-life versions of Miracle Max and Valerie from The Princess Bride. "I'm not a witch, I'm your wife!"

Damn you, Will Arnett and Amy Poehler: Look at what you've wrought!

(Source: ABC News)



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Comments Are Welcome, Jerks Will Be Banned


  • Jezzer

    It's going to be extra-tragic when she starts dating Seth MacFarlane. :(

  • ,

    (Him) "Troll!"

    (Her) "Dwarf!"

    (Him) "Midget!"

    (Her) "Gnome!"

    (Both) "Shorty!" "Shorty!"

    ...

    ...

    ...

    (Her) "Danny? ..."

    (Him) "Yeah, I know."

    (Her) "Thirty years ago, when we recited our vows, we swore we could call each other anything but ... that."

    (Him) "I know, I know."

    ...

    ...

    ...

    (Her) ... sigh ... "So, you wanna call Fernstein and Fernstein or shall I?"

  • ,

    "You don’t f*ck with 30 years. I don’t care how successful you are in
    life, unless it’s an abusive one, a 30-year marriage is probably the
    biggest accomplishment you will ever achieve."

    Amen to that. (Married 30 years this year.) The thought of ever having to date again simultaneously thrills (a little: Fresh!) and repulses (a lot: Boring!) me.

  • WHAT THE HELL.

  • Alyson McManus

    i keep holding on to Tom and Rita even harder now

  • Green Lantern

    OMFG! Okay this, to me, is WORSE than the Arnette/Pohler divorce. Talk about two people made for each other! Sheesh.

    I am now officially concerned for my marriage. And I LOVE Mrs. Lantern.

  • Idle Primate

    i don't know why that makes me sad. it's not like i know them. but it does. a lot

  • lowercase_ryan

    I'm thinking this is probably Charlie's fault.

  • Kip Hackman

    Goddammit Charlie!

  • Clancys_Daddy

    This really sucks more than I would have expected it too.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    This can't be true!?!? Are you sure it isn't some publicity stunt??? Like they are planning to take "The Nightman Cometh" to Broadway or something...

  • Groundloop

    This is sad news. I wonder if Rhea got tired of him hanging out at that bar with those troublemakers. His desire for rum ham may have also played a role. That, and bangin' whores.

  • Bert_McGurt

    Once you start drinkin' wine from an empty pop can, there's really nowhere to go but down.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Blaving it for 30 years takes a lot out of you.

  • e jerry powell

    To be fair, they've actually been together for forty-two years and married for thirty.

  • BWeaves

    I've been with my husband 30 years. No arguments. Smooth sailing. We have absolutely nothing in common, but we think the same and find that fun. You know, when you're walking down the street and you see "something" and you look at each other and laugh because you are both thinking the exact same thing? That!

    But I get it if other couples don't have it anymore. There's nothing worse than the old days when you were pretty much forced to be tied to your spouse for life. Still, this news makes me sad.

  • So basically - the institution known as marriage, and any positive connotations it may have once had has disappeared into the black hole of despair apparently located in the centre of our planet? Good to know. That's some nice, cheery Monday news.

  • katy

    BooooOooooOooooOOoooo!

    Although I'm going to play devil's advocate here and say that, from the other perspective, you only have one life to live so why not live it the way you want regardless of your personal history?

    But mostly I'm booing this. Really.

  • Anna von Beav

    Noooooo! Theirs is a forever love!

  • Adrienne Marie

    This saddens me. I always thought they were so adorable together :-(

  • Nadine

    My depression from PoehNett ending was far from over.

    I'll be inside a cheese cake.

  • Stacey

    Oh. Well today can just fuck right off.

  • Zen

    Someone keep a tight watch on the rest of this list.

    http://www.pajiba.com/seriousl...

  • If Hanks and Wilson divorce I will just give up on everything.

  • Nadine

    Don't even JOKE. If Kyla and Kevin break up I might actually become a risk to people.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Yeah, this is a bigger deal than the Poehler/Arnett break up.

    On the other hand, when you reach that age, what have you go to lose by honesty? If the marriage is a marriage in name only, why not free yourself of it to get out of life what you want? If the old man/woman across the breakfast table from you now fills you with disgust or ennui, maybe it's ok not to sit across the table from him/her anymore.

  • Or get a bigger house so you don't have to see them anymore.

  • valerie

    Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!
    Why does this one hurt so much? Is it because they are a perfect match? It's going to be hard to watch Matilda in the future.

  • Oh, God, this was my first thought, too.

  • JenVegas

    W.T.F???? well maybe I want a divorce now too!

  • Green Lantern

    See? Now EVERYONE wants a damn divorce.

    I am outraged. OUTRAGED!

  • e jerry powell

    I want a divorce too, and I'm not even married.

  • Puddin

    Seriously. That's not my husband on the couch next to me--it's a ticking time bomb of despair.

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