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Loathsome Actors in Lovable Roles

By Joanna Robinson | Posted Under Miscellaneous | Comments (46)

penny lane.jpg

Last week, Ms. Courtney Enlow stirred up a whole bucket of vitriol when she asked you which celebrities you hate. We’re a rage-filled pit of spitting vipers here at Pajiba and not always with good reason. On the other hand, there are some actors that deserve, even court our hatred. Listen, fame is a tricky thing, no doubt. The more successful and famous an actor becomes, the more scrutiny they undergo and the more divorced they become from reality. When no one ever tells you, “no, don’t do that,” you end up in a world where it seems okay to go on Oprah, jump on her couch declare your love for a WB starlet. Actually, in some cases, I sour on an actor not because of how they conduct their personal life (what business is it of mine anyway?), but because of the projects they pick. If you constantly produce tripe, I’m going to resent your existence and the waste of your talent.

The problem is, before they were crazy or insufferable, many of these actors did phenomenal, highly watchable work. Am I not allowed to love the things I used to love? Fuck you, Cruise, all the crazy in the world can’t ruin Legend for me. So here they are, not all of them Oliviers, actors I’ve learned to hate in roles I will always love.


Jeremy Piven as James ‘Droz’ Andrews
Crime I Ignore In Order To Enjoy Him: Pernicious Slander of Sushi

Gwyneth Paltrow as Margo Tenenbaum
Crime I Ignore In Order To Enjoy Her: Unrepentant GOOPing

Robin Williams as John Keating
Crime I Ignore In Order To Enjoy Him: Repeated Noise Violations


Kate Hudson as Penny Lane
Crime I Ignore In Order To Enjoy Her: Aiding and Abetting Matthew McConaughey


Mel Gibson as William Wallace
Crime I Ignore In Order To Enjoy Him: Oh, all of them.

Joanna Robinson wants you to know that if she could have found a good clip of Kirsten Dunst in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, old Dunsty would have made the cut.









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Comments

Mel Gibson, that racist bastard, will always be John Smith in my heart.

And Christian Bale, that marble-mouthed professionally done ranter, will always be Thomas.

Long live Pocahontas. (The Disney version, not James Cameron's.)

Posted by: duckandcover at January 24, 2011 4:20 PM

The Royal Tenebaums has the GOOP, Ben Stiller and Danny Glover. If that is not a fucking great movie despite all of that, I just don't know what is.

Posted by: Staceygarrett at January 24, 2011 4:23 PM

No. Fuck Almost Famous. I hate that movie and I hate that it made Kate Hudson famous.

Posted by: Figgy "Bagels" Figarelli at January 24, 2011 4:24 PM

I, too, hate Almost Famous and Kate Hudson. I also hate Mel Gibson (since the 90s) and Braveheart. "Freeeedoooooooom!" Really? People were moved by that?

Posted by: sars at January 24, 2011 4:29 PM

This article should begin and end with Ben Stiller in Zoolander.

Posted by: Mario Speedwagon at January 24, 2011 4:37 PM

Fuck Braveheart in its blue face painted mouth. I hate that movie.

Posted by: Staceygarrett at January 24, 2011 4:42 PM

I think Robin Williams has been great in some dramatic roles [ducks].

Posted by: samantha t at January 24, 2011 4:43 PM

Add me to the "Kate Hudson ruined Almost Famous" list. Hated her form the very start.
But then I also hated The Royal Tennenbaums. Maybe because since I was about 14 I've been obsessed with "Franny and Zooey" and Senator Goop, you are no Franny Glass.

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 24, 2011 4:45 PM

Robin Williams: Repeated Noise Violations

That is the kindest possible evaluation of Robin Williams profoundly uneven career.

Posted by: mrs. julien at January 24, 2011 4:46 PM

May I also add that I read the title of this thread while pre-occupied with a work issue and thought "hmm, a re-make of The Golden Girls with Kate Hudson".
I was so excited because you just know the Pajibaverse was going to riot like a Greek civil servant, so color me disappointed that my first read was wrong.

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 24, 2011 4:47 PM

I'm with Figgy. And I haven't even seen it.

Posted by: Brenton at January 24, 2011 4:52 PM

PaddyDog - Can I break plates and yell OPA! whilst decrying the government anyway?

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at January 24, 2011 4:52 PM

Hey, Figarelli, you want I should put a hit out on Almost Famous for you?

Posted by: noodlestein at January 24, 2011 4:57 PM

Agreed.

Posted by: grace b at January 24, 2011 5:02 PM

Listening to Piven on the PCU commentary ruined him for me. He sounds like a sniveling little brat. "They didn't let me improvise. They hired me to improvise and then didn't let me do it. Waaaaah." You know, some of the greatest comedic actors turn in their greatest performances when a director has the proper balls to stand up to them and guide them. Just like you, you ungrateful little twit. You're in an underappreciated classic. The only people you should be railing against are the reviewers who didn't get it.

Posted by: Eep at January 24, 2011 5:05 PM

Agreed, Mario Speedwagon. "I can't turn left!"

Posted by: Bluth Bananas at January 24, 2011 5:11 PM

Braveheart?

That film should have been named after another part of the anatomy and called "Utter Bollocks".

As historical movies go, it's right up there with John Wayne playing Genghis Khan in The Conqueror. It's unmitigated tosh from beginning to end.

Mel Gibson can fuck right off and it won't be a moment too son.

Posted by: Simon at January 24, 2011 5:28 PM

On a lighter note, I don't hate Arnie, but I do think he's a terrible presence in movies.

Except when he's playing an emotionless cyborg.
That, he does exceedingly well.

Posted by: Simon at January 24, 2011 5:32 PM

As historical movies go, [Braveheart's] right up there with John Wayne playing Genghis Khan in The Conqueror. It's unmitigated tosh from beginning to end.

I guess people are more forgiving of it since it's a Disney cartoon, but Pocahontas is just as fabricated, which is part of why I have trouble giving it much love.

Posted by: sars at January 24, 2011 5:37 PM

i hate no one

Posted by: carrie at January 24, 2011 5:40 PM

If you're going to go into Disney whitewashing stories, why stop at Pocahontas:

Song of the South: Black people are such happy, water-melon sucking ambling types. No slavery here. Nosiree!

Anastasia: Poor little princess loses her family. Too bad they didn't have the skills to animate the pogroms and the military conscription and masses dying of starvation.

Mulan: Wahabbist chicks have the best fun.

Posted by: PaddyDog at January 24, 2011 6:16 PM

Anastasia isn't a Disney film; it was a Don Bluth film (the guy who brought us The Land Before Time).

Posted by: duckandcover at January 24, 2011 6:21 PM

Um, wow, what can I say? Robin Williams in Good Will Hunting=Pitch-perfect.

Posted by: ChristianH at January 24, 2011 6:22 PM

Do it. It's not personal, it's business.

Oh, I'd also like to add The Wedding Singer and Punch Drunk Love to this list. They're the only times I've found Adam Sandler palatable.

Posted by: Figgy "Bagels" Figarelli at January 24, 2011 6:54 PM

Alec Baldwin in 30 Rock.

Posted by: James S at January 24, 2011 7:07 PM

You gotta be goram shittin me! You’re going way too easy on Robin Williams. Clearly you've never sat through a screening of 'Toys'. The memory of that film never fails to send me into fit of teeth-gritting, Olyphant rage.

Posted by: Nostromo at January 24, 2011 7:21 PM

Paddydog, Pocahontas was mentioned initially because of Mel Gibson.

Posted by: sars at January 24, 2011 7:30 PM

Braveheart will always have a place in my heart because of Patrick McGoohan and Brendan Gleeson. I can't help it...I love them...

Posted by: Isaphoebe at January 24, 2011 7:56 PM

"Alec Baldwin in 30 Rock."

And Beetlejuice.
And Glengarry Glen Ross.
And his Saturday Night Live appearances.
And The Hunt for Red October.
And The Departed.
And Outside Providence.
And The Cooler.
And Knots Landing. (hell yes, Knots Landing!)

Posted by: Three-nineteen at January 24, 2011 9:15 PM

Jim Carrey in Eternal Sunshine. Ben Stiller in Tropic Thunder. Stallone in the original Rocky.

Posted by: flickfan at January 24, 2011 9:22 PM

Many moons ago I was taking part in a forum discussion on the merits of certain movies and someone posted that they absolutely adored Braveheart with adolescent devotion (or some other soppy words to that effect) but, in their considered opinion, The Patriot was shit.

I asked how he could like one but not the other when Braveheart and The Patriot are essentially the same movie and I recieved the answer, "Because The Patriot is historical inaccurate".

It's impossible to know for sure but I can say, with absolute certainty, I know for sure that every British reader of that forum chuckled at the unintentional irony.

We also shook our heads, rolled our eyes and went "tsk".

Posted by: Ballymena Bob at January 24, 2011 9:23 PM

*historically

I even checked the preview for spelling mistakes but still missed that.

Posted by: Ballymena Bob at January 24, 2011 9:26 PM

Kate Hudson ruined Almost Famous.

Posted by: sailboat at January 24, 2011 10:07 PM

And Kirsten Dunst? She'll not receive a pardon from my cruel eyes. SWEEP THE LEG JOHNNY!

Posted by: Nostromo at January 24, 2011 11:39 PM

i wish i could have watched Legend before Cruise became Cruise. There is no way i can watch it and see anything but him and his crazy.

Posted by: elgarcon at January 25, 2011 12:15 AM

Will Farrell for me. I love him in "Stranger than Fiction." Mostly because he's acting nothing like himself, understated, quiet even. I still want to cry from joy every time I see the scene where her brings her flours. It's just soo sweet. That and Emma Thompson, Dustin Hoffman and Maggie are in it and fantastic too!

Posted by: trixie at January 25, 2011 12:24 AM

Mine will always Renee Zellweger in Bridget Jones's Diary.... and Empire Records.

Posted by: Even Stevens at January 25, 2011 1:29 AM

I thought I loved "Toys" when I was younger.
It turns out I was just in awe of the set design, because that film still looks gorgeous.

But yeah, Robin Williams is intensely annoying in it.

Posted by: Simon at January 25, 2011 2:22 AM

Braveheart? Sore Ass!

Posted by: Odnon at January 25, 2011 4:24 AM

Jim Carrey in Eternal Sunshine.

Posted by: flickfan at January 24, 2011 9:22 PM

-----------------

+ Truman

Posted by: zeke the pig at January 25, 2011 4:37 AM

Mel gets a lifetime pass for The Road Warrior.

Braveheart is like a Spielberg movie. You are engaged and moved when you are watching it, then on the way home you say, "Wait a minute... That was a load of crap."

I laughed my ass off at the scene where Patrick McGoohan chucks the fancy lad out of the window. Not at Mel's gay-bashing joke, but because the scene reminded me so much of the "What, the curtains?" scene in Holy Grail.

Posted by: The Mutt at January 25, 2011 8:03 AM

I want to nominate Mario Speedwagon for coolest fucking handle I've ever seen.

While we're at it, I'd also like to nominate DarthCorleone and Pinky McLadybits.

Posted by: superasente at January 25, 2011 8:18 AM

Jennifer Aniston in The Good Girl.

Only watchable thing she's ever made and yes, I'll include Friends with that.

Posted by: Circe at January 25, 2011 9:38 AM

Nope, the only things I can stand GOOPy Gwen in are:

Iron Man
Her head in a fuckin' box

Agree on Adam Sandler in The Wedding Singer.

Posted by: dammitjanet at January 25, 2011 9:43 AM

I know I am late to the game (Sigh- sinus infections knock me on my arse) but for me the seminal player in this category is:

Kevin Smith in Clerks and Dogma, and of Clerks & Dogma = Brilliance. Everything else thereafter = abysmal.

Posted by: JuiceinLA at January 25, 2011 6:18 PM

Jim Carey in I Love You Phillip Morris. I've had a lifetime of not being able to watch him in anything, stand-up comedy included, but his performance in this film proves he's got a surprising and fearless talent (and I just couldn't stand the way he used it in the past).

Posted by: ChaChaheels at January 26, 2011 8:28 AM