I Bestow To You This Gift On the Greatest Day of the Year
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I Bestow To You This Gift On the Greatest Day of the Year

By Dustin Rowles | Miscellaneous | November 29, 2012 | Comments ()


One random day in November each year, we here at Pajiba celebrate the most glorious word in the English language. It's an annual tradition here dating back to the days before Pushing Daisies was cancelled, to the days when Ted and Victoria's relationship meant something on How I Met Your Mother. W. was still in office, but Stephen Colbert was running to capture the presidency. Britney had no hair. People still knew who Isaiah Washington was. "The Sopranos" aired its finale.

They were quieter times. Happier times. In the intervening years, however, I feel like many of us have taken our favorite word for granted. We don't use it like we once did. Is the magic gone? Have we lost touch with that once great word?

It's time to reconnect. To bond with our favorite word again. It's not good enough anymore that we simply type it out for the world to see. WE MUST SHOUT IT. WE MUST SING IT. WE MUST SHARE IT WITH THE WORLD.


Welcome to Butthole Day 2012, the day that I lost my last shred of dignity. Will Matt Zoller Seitz do that for you? Peter Sciretta? Alan Sepinwall? Alyssa Rosenberg? No. Only I will humiliate myself for the education of our readers on this, the sacred day of butt.

Let it rip, folks. In the comments. On the social media. In your offices. In the streets of Manhattan. Of Little Rock. Of Topeka, and Tulsa, and Los Angeles, and Ottawa. Shout It: Buuuuuuuuuuttttttthooooooooooole!

Get out there and kick some butthole.

Butthole Day is the shit.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • TheAggroCraig

    A couple days ago I was thinking how when I was a kid, "butthole" was the absolute worst insult I could think to call someone. And now this day is upon us, so I think it's time to bring it back.

  • ,

    That isn't a picture of a butthole, that's a picture of an asshole.

  • max

    Awww, wook. It's a bunch of even more pathetic than the usual pathetic bunch of spazzy spazz dorkoid losers trying and FAIL at creating a meme that won;t even get out of this post, let alone out onto the INTERTUBES.



  • Maguita NYC

    Ooooooh, king of the day! King of the day! King of the buttthoooooooole day!!

    Your Majesty! I bow to your superior buttholiness.

  • Uriah_Creep

    Fuckin' butthole.

  • jollies

    All this made me want to re-watch Bob's Burgers, "Art Crawl."
    "What will it take to get you into this rhino anus today?"

  • zeke_the_pig

    Beyonce, stop it with the arse! We get it, love. However, it's not enough.

  • ,

    Oh shit, I thought that was Jennifer Lopez.

    I don't know about my other comment now ...

  • Maguita NYC

    Ah, appropriately, it was my assholistic colleague's birthday today.

    (yeah, had to deal with a grade A canal of all-spewing dingles all afternoon.)

  • emmelemm

    Happy happy butthole joy!

  • AudioSuede

    You know, I've been waiting to get a tatoo of Kurt Vonnegut's drawing of a cat's butthole for a while.

    Maybe today's the day.

  • e jerry powell

    Darlin', every day is butthole day for me. Where have you been?

  • googergieger

    And on this butthole day, remember to use normal view.


  • KatSings
  • KatSings

    I played the song, and naturally, whenever it got loud, that's when my coworker would walk through the room, causing me to rush to pause it till he walked away again. That audio is EPIC.

  • TheOriginalMRod

    The header pic is making me want to make fart noises.

  • badkittyuno

    Butthole is a fantastic word. My husband and I call each other buttholes so much that our two-year-old has started repeating it, and it sounds so adorable when he says it that we simply cannot stop him.

  • Tracer Bullet

    Yes, my children. Fill your buttholes with the glory of this day. Let Butthole Day fill you three knuckles deep.

  • jM

    That song was like a buttholy experience. I can tell you really felt it in your butthole when you hit those high buttholes.

  • Fabius_Maximus



  • Bert_McGurt

    The Great Cornholio salutes you.

  • Tinkerville

    Dustin, that was the greatest song I've ever heard. Might as well shut Pajiba down now because I doubt anything will ever top that (KIDDING, please don't).

  • Pinky McLadybits

    To celebrate Butthole Day, I share with you the turkey my 8-year-old daughter made at Thanksgiving.

  • emmelemm


  • TheOriginalMRod

    I am so glad butthole day came before the galactic alignment...

  • Rochelle

    Thank Cthulhu! I knew today was either going to kick my butt, or I was going to kick someone else's butt (or both, both could happen). Either way it's a butthole kind of day and I'm glad to know it's officially sanctioned.

  • Fredo

    Ahh...Butthole Day 2012. You snuck upon us like a brown-eyed snake only could.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Its butthole day,
    Its butthole day,
    Write a short story about it like your Ernest Hemingway.

    Its butthole day,
    Its butthole day,
    Recite it out loud like your Sidney Poitier.

    Its butthole day,
    Its butthole day,
    Shake your ass to it like your name is Beyonce.

    Its butthole day,
    Its butthole day,
    Liking it in the butt doesn't make you gay.
    (not that there's anything wrong with that)

    **Its back! Its been unplugged! Oh Joy!**

  • zeke_the_pig

    L.O.V.E., my friend, I'm intoxicated, sure - but I have to say: your verses buoy my moods, they really do. And you know how hard that is, living on this despondent ex-empire isle? Nigh on impossible, essentially. Keep doing what you're doing.

  • L.O.V.E.

    It is an honor to play even a bit role in your drunken endeavors.

    Ah, whiskey and vengeance. A game for both the young and old.

  • lowercase_ryan

    How long have you been waiting to post this?

  • L.O.V.E.

    ALL. MY. LIFE.
    (five minutes)

    Oh, and let me just leave this here. Take it away, Butters.


  • BWeaves

    This should be the official BUTTHOLE carol.

    (No offense to Dustin's little ditty, but L.O.V.E.'s song actually rhymes.)

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