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You Can Take My Pickles From My Cold Dead Corpse, BuzzFeed

By Riley Silverman | Food Porn | October 4, 2016 | Comments ()

By Riley Silverman | Food Porn | October 4, 2016 |


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This morning I woke up to find that many people I thought were my friends were actually backstabbing, evil assholes who are not to be trusted. Suddenly and without provocation, this headline started popping up in my social media feeds:

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Oh, we *need* to talk about this, BuzzFeed? Okay, let’s talk about it: pickles are awesome.

Why?

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Because ‘Fuck You’ that’s why. Oh, am I coming off as salty? Yeah that’s because I’ve been dipped in salty brine and kept in a jar to be preserved forever in the sun, and it was fucking heaven.

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Look at these goddamn beautiful sliced pickles adding a pop of color and flavor to offset this delicious plate of Hot Chicken Takeover

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You want a cool crispy bite in that hamburger? Have some good damned pickles on it like a fucking patriotic American.

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You want to jazz up that shot of whiskey? Give yourself a motherfucking pickleback:

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You like your pickles with a bit of a kick? We’ve got you fucking covered!

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You want a delicious greasy, salty and crispy hot snack? How about some fried fucking pickles?!

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Why would someone put peanut butter and pickles together? Oh maybe because sweet and salty combined is fucking amazing?!

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Oh, and you know what’s especially awesome about pickles? These motherfuckers can actually help prevent and reduce cramps!!

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They’ve got what plants crave, they’ve got electrolytes!

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So throw back a cold one!

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What I’m saying is, go ahead and turn your nose up at pickles, go ahead and leave your comments about how wrong I am (NO, YOU’RE WRONG!!) But when the apocalypse comes, I will bask in the glory of my well preserved foods and live out my end of days in sour, sour bliss.

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Riley Silverman will open ever last jar of pickles you place in front of her.



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