You Can Take My Pickles From My Cold Dead Corpse, BuzzFeed

By Riley Silverman | Food Porn | October 4, 2016 |

By Riley Silverman | Food Porn | October 4, 2016 |

This morning I woke up to find that many people I thought were my friends were actually backstabbing, evil assholes who are not to be trusted. Suddenly and without provocation, this headline started popping up in my social media feeds:

Oh, we *need* to talk about this, BuzzFeed? Okay, let’s talk about it: pickles are awesome.

Why?

Because ‘Fuck You’ that’s why. Oh, am I coming off as salty? Yeah that’s because I’ve been dipped in salty brine and kept in a jar to be preserved forever in the sun, and it was fucking heaven.

Look at these goddamn beautiful sliced pickles adding a pop of color and flavor to offset this delicious plate of Hot Chicken Takeover

You want a cool crispy bite in that hamburger? Have some good damned pickles on it like a fucking patriotic American.

You want to jazz up that shot of whiskey? Give yourself a motherfucking pickleback:

You like your pickles with a bit of a kick? We’ve got you fucking covered!

You want a delicious greasy, salty and crispy hot snack? How about some fried fucking pickles?!

Why would someone put peanut butter and pickles together? Oh maybe because sweet and salty combined is fucking amazing?!

Oh, and you know what’s especially awesome about pickles? These motherfuckers can actually help prevent and reduce cramps!!

They’ve got what plants crave, they’ve got electrolytes!

So throw back a cold one!

What I’m saying is, go ahead and turn your nose up at pickles, go ahead and leave your comments about how wrong I am (NO, YOU’RE WRONG!!) But when the apocalypse comes, I will bask in the glory of my well preserved foods and live out my end of days in sour, sour bliss.

Riley Silverman will open ever last jar of pickles you place in front of her.