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Sonnet #155

By Brian Prisco | Posted Under Film Reviews | Comments (38)

tmpt_11841_ckr.jpg

‘Zounds, what a tangled web she doth weaveth
When The Bard Julie Taymor doth mangle
A sumptuous cast serves to deceiveth
Taymor’s Tempest without a fresh angle
Mirren’s mad Prospera, witch stead of mage
No stars shine, effects look straight Atari
Taymor’s adaptations, oft quite the rage
Yet for this wasted cast I feel sorry.
Ariel’s an ad for Herbal Essence
Shakespeare ne’er wrote two young lovers worse
Incestuous chess-playin’ adolescents
Masking pointless shambling from verse to verse.
Less Faerie Queene, more A Night At The Opera
Or a DVD by Deepak Chopra










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Comments

Love it, Prisco.

Kudos.

Posted by: tamatha at December 13, 2010 2:24 PM

Outstanding. I especially liked "effects look straight Atari."

That said, it's also disappointing. I was looking forward to this film. I'll probably still give it a shot at some point.

Posted by: DarthCorleone at December 13, 2010 2:24 PM

Funny, original; this Prisco review
So I take it this film is straight-up LePew?

Posted by: Rykker at December 13, 2010 2:32 PM

I still have hope that this film will gain a better reputation as the years go on. Titus was similarly polarizing but now has many more fans than upon its release. Taymor is, in many ways, a classicist, so the storytelling devices she chooses to use don't always come across as appropriate when first encountered. They seem off or strange because they are so dated (like, hundreds+ years old dated, not twenty years dated). This is probably one of those cases where people expected one thing (a good production of The Tempest, which I've yet to encounter without massive revisions) and were delivered something very different (another mediocre The Tempest because it's all flash, no soul, and not particularly well-written flash at that).

Posted by: Robert at December 13, 2010 2:34 PM

Reviews like this are why I read Pajiba.

Posted by: Chip at December 13, 2010 2:37 PM

*Clap clap!!*

Posted by: cockroach at December 13, 2010 2:41 PM

Awesome

Posted by: Theseus at December 13, 2010 2:43 PM

clever most clever and tks for saving me $20

Posted by: mbolton at December 13, 2010 2:43 PM

Ben Whishaw... you are better than this.

Posted by: Melissa at December 13, 2010 2:45 PM

"... without a fresh angle"? Um, it IS Shakespeare, you know.

Posted by: litmus0001 at December 13, 2010 2:45 PM

another mediocre The Tempest

Why would you want its reputation to improve then?

Posted by: Jay at December 13, 2010 2:46 PM

Damn, so I can't even see it for the pretty since it's less Xbox and more Atari?

Posted by: admin at December 13, 2010 2:48 PM

Jay, I have a feeling the critics are having a field day with another Taymor production just because it's a Taymor production. There are people who have an irrational hatred of the woman, like putting puppets on Broadway in a Disney show was a personal attack on their livelihoods. The Taymor hatred is strong right now because of the Spider-Man musical and I can name one critic off the top of my head--Michael Riedel--who will give anything this woman produces a horrible, scathing review.

I'm not saying Prisco is doing this, but it's an element playing out in a lot of reviews. It's the criticism equivalent of gladiatorial bouts, with Julie Taymor playing the role of the Christian being fed to the lions. Also, just because I haven't seen a good production of The Tempest doesn't mean I don't want to see one or automatically write them off. I never thought I'd see a good production of the Frankenplay The Winter's Tale, yet there was a wonderful modern dress production of it a few years ago in NYC.

Posted by: Robert at December 13, 2010 2:53 PM

I am smashing my palms together in some sort of approval!

Posted by: Lauren at December 13, 2010 2:59 PM

I bow to your awesomeness.

To quote a long-forgotten episode of "Moonlighting..."

We hate iambic pentameter!!

Posted by: dammitjanet at December 13, 2010 3:11 PM

Rykker for the win!

Posted by: Mrs. Julien at December 13, 2010 3:24 PM

Thank you for posting this worthy distraction from my Shakespeare in Film term paper. I'd try to post back in some sort of poetic form, but my brain is mush.

Posted by: michaelceratops at December 13, 2010 3:29 PM

...I really wanted to see this. Ah. I probably well anyway.

Posted by: Candee at December 13, 2010 3:45 PM

Yea, forsooth, and verily.
I shall avoid this, merrilly.

Posted by: Odnon. at December 13, 2010 3:54 PM

Prisco is the man, man.

Posted by: sailboat at December 13, 2010 4:07 PM

Straight skills, son.

Posted by: The Judge at December 13, 2010 4:18 PM

There once was a man named Prisco,
Whose reviews were oilerly than Crisco,
He skewered Shakespeare,
With a tweak to the ear,
While Taymor vacations in Frisco.

Posted by: BWeaves at December 13, 2010 4:20 PM

I'll end up Netflixing this movie anyway because of Helen Mirren, BUT fair play to you for the sonnet-as-review. *applauds*

Posted by: Sara H at December 13, 2010 4:22 PM

Bravo, bravo! I hereby motion that all reviews be written in a relevant poetry form.

Posted by: The_wakeful at December 13, 2010 4:24 PM

Now THAT is how you do a "gimmick" review, Mr. Rowles. Bravo, Prisco.

Posted by: Carlos at December 13, 2010 4:59 PM

This review gets an A for creativity, a C for execution, and a B+ for pop culture references....

Still going to see it! (I only end up seeing about 5 movies a year in the theater; why should I make them good ones?)

Posted by: Sara Tonin at December 13, 2010 6:08 PM

Bravo Prisco!

Posted by: Mebe at December 13, 2010 6:16 PM

This is just pentameter (most of it). I don't think you know what an iamb is.

Posted by: Chuck at December 13, 2010 9:19 PM

This review gave me the shivers. Well done, Priscopants.

I'll still watch this. I love Taymor and Helen Mirren and Shakespeare. Why not?

Posted by: figgy at December 13, 2010 10:16 PM

Epic.

Posted by: Mick J at December 14, 2010 12:22 AM

O wonderful, wonderful and most wonderful wonderful! and yet again wonderful, and after that, out of all whooping!

xoxo

Posted by: amandita at December 14, 2010 1:43 AM

This is just pentameter (most of it). I don't think you know what an iamb is.

Couched for the snobs was his statement of meter,
I doubt.
So kindly polish our knobs, yon dickish reader,
then get the fuck out.

Posted by: Rykker at December 14, 2010 5:00 AM

Can you do haiku next? I'm particularly partial to succinct snarkiness belied by my own polysyllabic propensity for pontification.
Oh, and alliteration too. Just so's you know.

Posted by: cinekat at December 14, 2010 7:17 AM

*applauds* Nice job, Prisco!

Posted by: Dill The Devil at December 14, 2010 7:37 AM

It's not that hard to use the proper style,
When claiming that your words are by design.
You need not talent, expertise, or guile,
It only takes some patience and some time.

Poetry only exists within songwriting these days, thanks to hacks like Rykker who think that cramming a few pairs of rhyming words into a grammatically questionable paragraph constitutes a "poem". At least Chuck understands the fundamentals.

I'm with Sara Tonin - high marks for the concept, but poor delivery.

Posted by: Zack at December 15, 2010 2:05 AM

Wow.
The Poetry Praetors are hardcore Serious.
The Grammar Nazis ain't got nothin' on you fellows.

Loosen your bow-ties, Gentlemen.

Posted by: Rykker at December 15, 2010 3:35 AM

I'm just saying--if Prisco's going to criticize a director's cursory understanding of Shakespeare, it sort of hurts his argument to display the same limitations. I'm pretty sure I'm not being a dick, but whatever, write another poem.

Posted by: Chuck at December 17, 2010 4:32 AM

Bummer. I was looking forward to it. I'll just let the bard do the hard work, then.

Alas, poor Taymor! I knew her, Prisco, a lady of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. She hath thrilled me with her work a thousand times, and now how abhorr'd in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it.

Posted by: leuce7 at December 17, 2010 2:08 PM