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Five Random Celebrities Who Are Not Dead

By Dustin Rowles | Lists | December 17, 2010 |

By Dustin Rowles | Lists | December 17, 2010 |

Over the last year or so, media organizations have wisely picked up on rumors, often initiated on Twitter, that a certain cuddly celebrity has died, including in the last few months, Jeff Goldblum, Natalie Portman, George Clooney, Britney Spears, Harrison Ford and Rick Astley. For media organizations desperate for content, it’s a brilliant ploy: They can report the rumor (without fact-checking, of course) and once it’s been disputed, they can report that the rumor was false, and a few hours later, do a follow-up story on how incidents like this happen. That’s three stories! And if you’re CNN, the next morning you can get that older lady with the whiny voice to do some man-on-the-street interviews with people in New York City that don’t want to be bothered.

Presto! That’s how news is created in 2010. CNN should change it’s tagline to: “We Generate Our Own News, Mother Fucker!” Indeed, yesterday, CNN itself inadvertently started a rumor that Morgan Freeman had died, tweeting: “Breaking News: actor Morgan Freeman has passed away in his Burbank home.” The network’s twitter feed subsequently deleted the tweet, and then wrote: “CNN did not report Morgan Freeman death. Rumor is false. CNN will aggressively investigate this hoax.” And once CNN finds the perpetrator, well, hey: That’s another story they can file, too

And good news for us! It allows me to file this story, about five random celebrities who aren’t dead, which I’m posting 1) to preempt any rumors of their death that the twitter feeds of news organizations might inadvertently posts, or 2) maybe something will get lost in the translation of this post, and someone will inadvertently tweet that one of these celebrities has, in fact, died, which would give us something like four more stories to work with. Awesome!

So, I give you: Five Random Celebrities Who Aren’t Dead Yet

5. Lauren Holly


4. Shelley Long


3. Chris Eigeman


2. Ken Ober

2. A.J. Langer


1. Timothy Busfield


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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.