Pajiba

I can't tell if you put real effort into this, or absolutely no effort at all.

Just like the movie! HAHAHAHAHA (i'm sad)

You've outdone yourself, Dustin. Bravo. Perfect way to end the work week.

It's my favourite when you have nervous breakdowns. Happy Thanksgiving to me!

This may be your best review ever. Just the right amount of retard.

Dustin, there's a HUGE difference between "taking one for the team" and "falling on your sword." Figure it out, and don't do this to yourself ever again. It's too painful to watch.

Oh wow. I bet that took as much effort to write as it did to read. Being that deliberately stupid on purpose can be hard sometimes. Great job.

Dstin Rolz iz the publsher of Iajiba. Pleze send him email but he cant read them. BYE!

This is my favorite part. I love the "BYE!" like you're a three year old ending a conversation. I can picture you running away, arms waving behind you, before you trip on an ottoman and crash into the hearth.

Oh fuck, Justins gone full retard.

Dear Mr Dustin Rowles, Hater in the Extreme.
I think you missed the point of this movie, which is that love is more important than anything, even life (evidenced by Robin Williams willingness to go to Miami in order to be with his twins forever). What is wrong with that message? Why do you insist on calling anyone who loves this movie and it's message of openminded love a ' charlie in the last part of flowerz '? (Also, that is very offensive, both to me and to retards themselves. You should think more carefully about the words that you use and they're affect on others).
I come to the conclusion, after reading your 'scathing and bitchy' review, that you were first of all never an Old Dog and second of all that you have never experienced true comedy. And that makes me sad for you. Because if you had ever been/experienced either of those two things, then you would understand the depth of feeling that motivates Robin Williams actions: he is dead inside when Travolta is not with him, and it takes his presence and golf balls to peoples nuts to bring him back to life. (Yes, it takes a golf ball to the nuts to bring him back to life. It's called a metaphor, douchebag, look it up).
Apart from you obviously being dead inside (not in the good way, like Scientologists, but in a hollow-frozen-my-mommy-never-loved-me kind of way) and being offensive to retards, I also found your continued references to Wild Hogs fans excreting glitter-infused bodily fluids to be both disgusting, offensive and a really stupid metaphor. First of all, Robin glitters when he turned into a human puppet not because he's horny, which anyone who knows anything about Old Dogs would understand. Second of all, Williams and Travolta's love is not all ‘very funny and hilarious and AWSUM!!!!!!!’ like you mention, it is a transcendental love. Clearly you have never experuinecd such love (as previously established) so I wouldn't expect you to understand this. Also, I have seen all of Walter Becker’s films, and they have never had anal sex (on camera). Maybe that's what you're brain jumps towards first though because that's all you can get yourself because no right-minded female would let your 'scathing and bitchy' and pseudo-intellectual peep into her ladygarden.
Finally, I find your criticisms of David Diamond and David Weissman to be really repulsive and objectionable. Their writing is so wonderful and brilliant - why else would millions and muillions of people around the world be watching this film and loving every word of it. It is like Shakespeare for the new generation: at first ridiculed by those who didn't understand, but future generatiosn will apprectiate the depth of the unrequited love expressed wihtin the stories (ie, if that was too hard for you to follow Mr D (That's D for douche, not D for Dustin) here it is in simple talk: Old Dogs is the new Romeo and Juliet. And the fact that you can't see it means that future generatiosn will look back on you and laugh at how you thought the w0orld was flat and how you ridiculed those who had realized that it was round.)
So stop being such a hater. Try to keep your disgusting, horny mind and it's putrid thoughts to yourself instead of spilling it's ugly contents over all of us. You're review demonstrated your marked prejudices towards retards, Mormons, anyone with a functioning brain in general and Twilight fans. I am so sad for you. Maybe if you tried to have an open mind for once you could let some love into your life.
Also, dude, you're reviews could benefit from using a spellcheck and a theosaurus from time to time.

Great. Now we're all going to have to read Walt Becker's nonsense a second time on the Eloquent Eloquence.

The title of this review makes me laugh over and over again. The content of this review makes me weep like a guest star on SVU.

Dustin, you should know by now - never go full retard.

So, I took a look at the credits, and dang near the entire Travolta clan (wife, kiddies, distant cousins) is in this. I think I have figured it out: this is a nefarious plan by Scientology to kill off all movie critics. Dustin, the brain damage MAY be permanent. All Hail Xenu!

Why is Seth Green in the photo? I confused. Is this film just one extended Robot Chicken sketch?

How many times has your brain been destroyed, Dustin? That thing has more lifes than a Highlander Cat.

This is what you get for telling people not to worry about Twilght. Reap what you sow, man. Forgiving mass brain-dead activity reaps mass brain-dead activity.

I think "ladygarden" is the giveaway.

Holy fuck, Dustin. You just gave me a migraine reading that. Go get me an Axert and a strong drink, asshole.

K, so holy shit if I am not being all hippy, dippy here with the holiday tomorrow but I need to again point out the awesomeness that is Twilight and point out that we need to be mother-fucking-thankful.

Why, you may ask?

Well Dustin being a movie critc, led him to go see Twilight, which led him to review Twilight which led to the ensuing comments, which led Edward is Salvation to comment, which led to hilarity, which led to Walt Becker, which led to insane amounts of hilarity.

It's the whole, "If you give a mouse a cookie" mentality, just appreciate the consequential madness!

Obviously this movie must have left something of the old Dustin inside. I mean, he did manage to use the word bereavement correctly (albeit spelled wrong). That means he'll be alright, doesn't it? Dustin's going to be okay?

"...and crash into the hearth."

HAHAHAHA.

Hey! Thanks for taking my "Flowers for Algernon" comment and using it IN THE REVIEW.

Jerk.

This was so enjoyable I had to come back and read it again. I hope Hollywood never stops making terrible movies. Something tells me they won't.

Posted by: , (just , cause I'm tired of typing that other shit) at November 25, 2009 11:47 PM

You are aware that you can click the box by your computer to allow your computer to remember everything. Oh well, at least that symbol of yours can actually be pronounced. (Fuck you, Prince)

Spellcheckers are one of our many devices for measuring extermination priority. The entity known as Dustin Rowles consequently is deemed to be of low threat level and will be one of the last human survivors prior to the EPOCH OF ROBOTS.

Be thankful for the time you have left, Pajibans!

And then... Armageddon.

To clarify; I don't mean a remake of the Michael Bay film, I mean the literal end of the world.

Dustins' review had everything except for a "Squirrel!" interruption from "UP". Then again, that might have been too highbrow for this piece.

I wonder how long this film had been festering in the vaults since there's a cameo by long-dead Bernie Mac. Was shooting this movie so shameful that it was what finally pushed him to the promised land? Or is he gonna be like 2-Pac and Biggie and just continue to pop up into to movies for years to come?

I'm blaming the fact that I laughed at the trailer on two things:

1) It's clearly the distillation of the only moments that were deemed even mildly funny by test audiences.

2) As a five-foot three-inch Asian, I'm about six whiskeys into a good night. You may call that drunkenness; I call it goddamn protection. Protection of the mighty rules of spelling and grammar. You can thank me later.

Am I drinking more to further erase the pain now that I've seen even a hint of this monstrosity? Hell to the yes.

This isn't a movie, it's a film.