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The Only Card I Need

By Brian Prisco | Posted Under Film Reviews | Comments (18)



hattrick.jpg

Personally, I feel that documentaries should have a somewhat lofty purpose, whether that be to inform audiences of atrocities or injustices or to depict the life of a figure who’s changed the world for the better. And while Lemmy leans towards the latter to some extent, the primary message of the doc is “Oh, my God. Lemmy Kilmister is fucking awesome, right?” and then to interview several contemporary and former rock gods to get confirmation of said awesomeness. But you know what? Lemmy IS fucking awesome. Motorhead — which at this point consists entirely of the pirate-cowboy virtuoso and two other guys — has been a major influence on pretty much any and ever band that labels themselves metal. Lemmy’s like Ozzy before Sharon neutered him, famous for just pounding jack and coke, thrashing on his bass, and living hard and unapologetically. But he’s a hard-working motherfucker. He’s constantly putting out albums, or working in his various side project bands, or jumping on stage for a song or two with any band that makes the request. Lemmy isn’t bullshit, he’s never tried to change his ways, and by staying constant has managed to outlive the various fads and trends in metal. But after following Lemmy for three years, documentarians Greg Olliver and Wes Orshoski have created what amounts to a superfanboy VH1 Behind the Music, a simultaneous fan letter and tribute to a man who’s lifestyle should have killed him years ago. Despite lacking any nutritive value, it’s hard to deny the pure pleasure of watching a virtual who’s who of long hair thrashers offer praise to the charismatic rocker.

It would be pointless to rehash the biography of Lemmy and his long hard climb to fame. What I enjoyed most about Lemmy is that he’s unflinching and brutal. He’s been on this earth and lived so hard, he doesn’t give a shit. Even as he’s pushing 70, he’s still throwing back hard liquor and going out and doing shows. Lemmy reminded me of Bad Blake, because we writers love a convenient shorthand. But most of the performers he’s rocked with — and by God he’s rocked with them all — attest that the dude may soak up booze like the springbreak sands of Daytona but he’s never once fallen off the stage or fucked up a gig or failed to perform. He’s got a warped code of honor that works for him. He’s partied hard, but will walk away if people start hitting the heroin, since it’s killed so many of the people in his life that matter. He collects World War II memorabilia to the extent that probably would qualify him as a legitimate scholarly historian. (How bad would you want to see Lemmy on a History Channel doc correcting a professor before headbutting him in the face?) Most of this is Nazi paraphernalia, but Lemmy laughs off accusations while sitting in a restored tank. He’s lived his life as he chooses. While Ozzy toddles about like a nursinghome dementian trying to clean up his hard living ways, Lemmy sits at the Rainbow Room bar, sipping a jack and coke and playing Megatouch trivia. He’s unapologetic and unrelenting, but he’s also one of the hardest working motherfuckers in the biz, so it’s hard to deny him.

Lemmy the doc and Lemmy the man are both hilariously unvarnished. Lemmy could have his own wildly successful reality show, but he just doesn’t brook that kind of bullshit. He’s not a spotlight hound. You get the feeling he agreed to do the documentary with the same sort of amiable gruffness that has him playing gigs with Metallica or covering “Run Rudolph Run” with Dave Grohl. He’s an accommodating dude who does whatever he feels like. Watching him at the question and answer session after the film was just as entertaining as the documentary. You get the feeling Lemmy’s used to deflecting stupid fanboy requests. Someone challenged him to a drinking contest, and he laughed and said, “You’ll lose.” Someone asked him who he wants to play him in a feature film about his life, and his answer was “Helen Mirren.” In the lobby, he was having conversations with fans while scoping the asses of the betarted biker chicks who were doing marketing. He’s weathered an industry that sands people down and constantly tries to repackage them without once changing. He’s just as comfortable jamming one of his classic tunes as busting out oldies with hep cat rockabilly bands. And he’s always laughing like a crazy fucking pirate about to board a cruiseliner. So it’s hard to deny Olliver and Worshowski their worship-flick. Because after watching this, I’m ready to fucking worship Lemmy, too.









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Comments

I want Killed By Death played at my funeral

Posted by: Steph at March 18, 2010 6:15 PM

Who would win in a fight, Lemmy or God?

Trick question, Lemmy is God.

Posted by: Rob at March 18, 2010 6:17 PM

Amen

Posted by: bob at March 18, 2010 6:33 PM

Looking at that picture, I'd assume the message of this documentary was, "Oh, my God. Lemmy Kilmister is a leather daddy."

Posted by: Tracer Bullet at March 18, 2010 6:37 PM

Lemmy's moles could kick Motley Crue's ass. But you already knew that.

Posted by: Gozer at March 18, 2010 6:41 PM

Did Rob just quote Airheads? I love that movie!

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at March 18, 2010 6:52 PM

I've seen some awfully loud bands in my day but Motorhead...they're a special kind of loud. A Motorhead show will introduce you to parts of your inner-ear structure that you were previously unaware of, it re-defines your perception of what "loud" is forever more. How Lemmy can hear anything at this point is totally beyond me. The man is a legend, at an age when most people are puttering around in the yard and bemoaning "the kids these days" he's pounding JD, smoking like a chimney and fronting the loudest rock band on Earth. Lemmy might be a lot of things to a lot of people but love him or hate him, there's not a phony or pretentious bone in his alcohol-preserved body.

Posted by: Dr. Remulak at March 18, 2010 7:24 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7oVnCgUY2Q

Just in case you couldn't wait for the film.

Posted by: Recondite at March 18, 2010 9:32 PM

Born to Raise Hell at my funeral.

Posted by: bignick at March 18, 2010 9:50 PM

Recondite, You legend.

Posted by: bob at March 18, 2010 10:15 PM

Born to Lose, Live to Win. Why aren't I watching this right now???

Posted by: seth at March 19, 2010 1:00 AM

How bad would you want to see Lemmy on a History Channel doc correcting a professor before headbutting him in the face?

I would pay to see that! I would pay cold hard cash I don't have to see that!

Hell, if we can have the Oprah Network, why don't we have Lemmy TV?

Oh and in answer to the question du jour: at my funeral, I want Orgasmatron playing.

Posted by: Fredo at March 19, 2010 2:03 AM

He drinks at least a fifth of Jack a day and he is 60. There is nothing more to be said.

Posted by: schrome at March 19, 2010 2:50 AM

pushing 70? crap. what a depressing thing to hear first thing in the morning. why does everyone keep getting old? double crap. makes me feel old

Posted by: idleprimate at March 19, 2010 5:05 AM

idleprimate: Better getting old than flat-out dying, right?

Posted by: a disturbingly large amount of poo at March 19, 2010 6:53 AM

Lemmy Killmister sight inspires me so much, I want to either dedicate my life to badassery, or commit sepukku, because I'll never be as awesome as him. If Lemmy was alive during the 1770's, he'd crush the American revolution single handed, while conquering France and Germany for good measure. You can do those things when your the last living viking.

Posted by: George at March 19, 2010 12:14 PM

Of course Lemmy isn't dead yet, his body is still trying to expel all the meth he did in the 70s. As soon as it runs out, he'll drop. Something tells me he may be replenishing it though.

Lemmy is old, but he is one of those people who were always old. I'm 41 now and I saw him at an outdoor festival in Germany when I was twelve years old. He was old then ffs.

Posted by: imk at March 19, 2010 6:44 PM

Those two things on Lemmy's face are not warts. They are two extra testicles his body grew to contain his sheer manliness. If he orals a girl, she'll get pregnant. With twins. Fraternal twins.

Posted by: Danny from Puerto Rico at March 20, 2010 8:43 PM


















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