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Ant-Man Exploding Thanos' Butt Is the Only 'Avengers: Endgame' Theory That Matters

By Mike Redmond | Film | March 29, 2019 |

By Mike Redmond | Film | March 29, 2019 |


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Before we begin, I’d be remiss in my journalistic duties if I didn’t report that Vox published an actual explainer for an Avengers: Endgame theory where Ant-Man kills Thanos by crawling up his butt. This is our world now.

In fairness, the exploding anus theory has legs. In the rare moments when I’m not exhibiting laser-like focus on Meghan McCain, Ant-Man exploding Thanos’ colon is all I’ve been thinking about. My children barely have a father anymore.

However, while the theory seems to have everything — plausibility, alien rectums, Ant-Man — Paul Rudd has some concerns. During an interview for Ant-Man and the Wasp, Rudd read a viral tweet on the most groundbreaking topic in the history of cinema and gamely played along.

Rudd’s concerns are two-fold: Granted, yes, Ant-Man could obviously fit inside Thanos’ butt. He’s Ant-Man! That said, Thanos is stupid strong and would presumably have an equally as strong anus. On top of that, he’s wielding the Infinity Gauntlet, and I’m pretty sure the powers of a magic space glove would encapsulate even the most purple of asses. I ran the numbers. So as epically heroic as exploding Thanos’ butt might sound, there’s a high probability that Ant-Man would only crush himself against the inside of an alien sphincter.

Rudd’s other concern is that this seems more like a question for Josh Brolin, who is definitely aware and has some thoughts on how this theory would play out.

Yup, that’s probably how that would go.

Sadly, we’ll never know if Ant-Man truly could murder Thanos through the a-hole because Marvel lacks the courage to show real dramatic stakes in its superhero films. Fortunately, the internet is here to fill our needs. Our weird, sick needs that we should probably talk to somebody about. This can’t be healthy.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be caressing my journalism degree. It did good today. It did good …



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