"Two, three, even four new Kardashian spinoffs" | THIS IS THE BEST CHRISTMAS EVER.
I DON'T EVEN WATCH THE FUCKING SHOW(s).
The Kardashians are a hateful descent into the decadent idiocy so beloved by simpletons and wannabes the world over. They represent a dumbing down so fervent that it may actually result in a complete shifting of matter until we are all incredibly stupid liquids. BUT. "People" like the Kardashians are among our last safe sources of schadenfreude. Most laughable celebrities are coated in a layer of sad, preventing us from truly laughing at them and feeling okay about it. Lindsay Lohan's Playboy cover came out. Haha, loser, but also, shit, what a fucking freefall. But the Kardashians? They are pure, unadulterated, gleeful loathing. They don't try to make people sad. The one time they did, the one time they attempted to capitalize on a medical struggle of a family member? It was Kim's eczema. Not drug addiction, not cancer. ECZEMA. They are like the "Saved By The Bell" of pop culture problems. And I love it. I love the hate.
Now I get to hate teenagers. I fucking love hating teenagers.
Yes, the little Kardashians, who are actually Jenners, but will probably get a Kardashian-themed title, lest we forget the brand, are getting their own show. In case you didn't know who the little ones are, they are Morticia and Muppet Sleeves.
I really should post that every day of the holiday season. You know. For the children.
So, to you, Bonnie Hammer, television Santa, I thank you. I thank you for lamenting the trashiness of your network while delving it further into that which trashifies it most. Thank you.
Yes, Virginia. There is a television Santa Claus. And, today, we all wear Muppet sleeves in her honor.