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My BFF 4eva Emma Stone: 15 Celebrity Figures I Wish Were in My Life

By Nadia Chaudhury | Celebrities Are Better than You | May 2, 2014 | Comments ()


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It’s an established fact that we all love Emma Stone. She’s intelligent, funny, she doesn’t pander to the paparazzi, and she can sure as hell lip sync. Who wouldn’t want her as a best friend (with benefits?!)? I like to pretend we’d go out for dinner, talk about politics, get hella drunk, sing karaoke, stumble home drunk, and text each other as soon as we woke up the next afternoon. It would be simply perfection.

Now that I’ve established my pretend best friend, here are the other celebrities who would satisfy the various roles of my perfect alternate universe:

The Parental Figures
Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton

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The duo seem pretty much as close as possible to the fictional Taylors. Kyle’s rougher around the edges than Coach, and Connie’s a bit more laid back than Tami, but the wisdom they both have is priceless.

The Cool Aunt and Uncle
Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman

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Megan would take me out for sushi and sneak me drinks (because in this specific scenario, I’d be underage). She’d listen to all my boy tales and give me tips on seducing crushes. Nick and I would build boats in his shop and talk about the best kind of wood for planing.

The Siblings
Lupita Nyong’o and Matthew McConaughey

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Lupita would be my eager, super-good-at-everything younger sister and Matthew as the way laid back older brother. I’d love them…but also kind of hate them.

The Best Friends from Elementary School and High School, Respectively
Mindy Kaling and Zooey Deschanel

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We would have a clothing swap night and watch ridiculous movies on cable TV while messing around with makeup and fall asleep with candy strewn everywhere.

Mentor
Tina Fey

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It might be because I’ve been on a 30 Rock kick lately, but Tina seems like the kind of mentor who’d be encouraging and ass-kicking all at the same time.

The Best Guy Friend, Straight
Jake Johnson

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We’d drink all the beer and eat all the sandwiches and dance ridiculously when the occasion called for it, like weddings and birthday parties.

The Best Guy Friend, Gay
Zachary Quinto

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After wandering the city with his puppy and catching something on Broadway, we’d travel to exotic cities and take artsy photos.

The Perfect Boyfriend
Joseph Gordon-Levitt

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He’s the kind of guy who’d dress up without being asked to. Make of that what you will.

The Rugged Boyfriend
Zach Gilford

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Zach Gilford may have played heart-on-his-sleeve Matt Saracen, but did you know he’s a big outdoors guy in real life? Nothing makes me swoon more than a man who knows how to climb mountains in foreign countries…and worked at the Alamo Freeze.

The One Night Stand
Michael Fassbender

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Need I say more?

The After-Work Drinks Co-Worker
Lizzy Caplan

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With her snark, Lizzy’d be great at bitching about everyone from the office over sloppy after-work drinks, especially about the overly chatty salespeople.

Music Buddy
Aziz Ansari

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Anyone that crowdsurfs during the last LCD Soundsystem show is A-OK in my book.

Party Girl Friend
Jennifer Lawrence

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I wouldn’t be afraid to throw up in front of her.

Pet
Cashew the Guinea Pig

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#FreeCashew

Nadia Chaudhury dreams about a world where she could go camping with Nick Offerman and Zach Gilford.



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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not


  • Alanis Morissette. Something about her just gives me best-friend butterflies. I refuse to let the nanny rumors harsh my buzz.

    Ellen Barkin as superboss/mentor-type, except I'd ruin it because I am in total fucking awe of her, and eventually she'd be all (eye roll)' "this drink isn't going to refill itself..."

  • ASFan

    What if this was written by a guy?

    Who would each of these be?

  • lauwer

    This list is definitely missing Anna Kendrick. That's weird considering this is a Pajiba list. And Pajiba really loves AK47…and so do I

  • stella

    Claire Underwood as thatbsuper cool aunt who.youre secretly terrified but also copy he wardrobe

  • Mark Sheppard as the uncle people keep forgetting to disinvite from the holiday gatherings. He will feed you good scotch, tell you all the things the "grown ups" allude to but will never admit, and make sure you get into that great college your parents think is too expensive. There, that's for you youngsters.

    As for me, I'll be swilling booze and asking him to tell me a bedtime story, even if he's not staying over, because I am already your crazy aunt. You just haven't met me because your folks DID remember to disinvite me from holiday dinners.

  • Dumily

    Unacceptable. You shouldn't want to put the moves on your uncle.

  • He's not really your uncle. He's your "uncle" - that unsavory guy your dad/brother/actual uncle roomed with in college who somehow got assimilated into your dysfunctional family.

  • Dumily

    Hmmm . . . that still feels vaguely "Flowers in the Attic"-ish. Can we make him the older brother's friend who comes from a troubled home and therefore has to spend lots of weekends at our house?

  • Done. But I call dibs.

  • Dumily

    DAMNIT! Stupid, Dumily, stupid. Fine, but I call dibs on Starbuck and Apollo.

  • Debra Kessing

    I feel very old

  • Jim

    Patton Oswalt because we could hang out in a sidewalk cafe and say merciless things about people walking by. NOT so they'd hear, of course, I'm Canadien.

  • luthien26

    Nathan Fillion (depending on your age) as the cool uncle... or perhaps the crush-worthy next-door neighbor.

    Tom Hiddleston as your university crush. You know, the one you swooned over every time he was asked to read something out loud in English class. :)

  • stella

    This list is perfect. Except, with all respect to Ms Lawrence, Id rather party with Mila Kunis.

  • chanohack

    Yes. Mila as the party friend, Jennifer as the Significant Other, Same-Gender Category. NOW it's perfect.

  • stella

    Umm...are you and I secretly the same person?

  • mona_sterling

    Don't let anybody give you any crap about a one-night stand with Fassbender. That is what that man was put here to do.

    Well, that and act--he's a pretty damn good actor.

  • BWeaves

    Needs more Fillion. Just stick him in any slot. Preferably mine.

  • DataAngel

    I want Fillion to be my former high school classmate who was into drama club and dungeons and dragons and computers and watched the movie "Hackers" 16 times and still to this day will call me up at 3am because he was watching ST:TOS and suddenly realized something.

  • e jerry powell

    ...while his equally geeky boyfriend is giving him a foot rub...

  • e jerry powell

    Wait, does your husband know that Fillion is on your 10 Freebie list?

  • BWeaves

    No, but he doesn't know what Pajiba is either.

  • e jerry powell

    Then I'm taking your turn with Fillion.
    ;-)

  • LL

    Jimmy Fallon would be the perfect drinking bud and wingman. He can strike up a conversation with anybody, get people to loosen up, and he would buy everyone drinks all night. please. life of the party.

  • e jerry powell

    Except that, Tony nominations be damned, Quinto would be in something on Broadway.

  • dizzylucy

    I can't argue with the list, but still feel it needs more Poehler and Skarsgard.

  • _Alexander_

    "I like to pretend we’d go out for dinner, talk about Westeros politics, get
    hella drunk, sing karaoke, stumble home drunk, and text each other as
    soon as we woke up the next afternoon. It would be simply perfection."

    Here . I fixed it. Now this sounds much better :)

    Also you forgot the mysterious cousin who visits once an year and brings you on adventure of a lifetime who would obviously be Tatiana Maslany

  • Daniel Valentin

    Drinking bud and wingman: Sam Rockwell.

  • Dumily

    For the ladies, can we make him the drinking buddy and occasional drunken make out partner?

  • MissAmynae

    I just want to dance with him. The "without clothing" should be a given here.

  • Daniel Valentin

    Shit, even for the guys he could be the drunken make-out partner. I'd make out with Sam Rockwell in a heartbeat.

  • Dumily

    You're a good man.

  • I LOVE YOU, CASHEW!

  • jmombo

    I am shocked Anna Kendrick isn't on this list. I was convinced when I clicked it she would be on here. Also team her up with Aubrey Plaza and you got your 'Close friends to have stupid fun with' category

  • Uriah_Creep

    'Close friends to have stupid fun make out with' category

    Fixed it.

  • MissAmynae

    I'd have to switch Emma out for Anna. (Sorry, I'm just not on the "E" train!)

  • Pants-are-a-must

    Seriously. Anna Kendrick is the person I'd drag with me to all the family holidays so we can get drunk together and eat too much.

  • Pants-are-a-must

    I'd switch JGL for Hugh Dancy, to be honest. Why?
    1. Degree in English from Oxford.
    2. Philosopher father.
    3. Ridiculously beautiful and likes to dress up.
    4. Allegedly good with his hands and kinky in bed.
    5. That voice.

  • e jerry powell

    6. gay bear-chasing cancer patient.

  • Pants-are-a-must

    I refuse to watch his turn in that show because I know it'll break my heart.

  • e jerry powell

    Oh, it will, I can't deny that. But he also brings the funny when he drags Oliver Platt into a bear bar.

  • Uriah_Creep

    I loved his arc in that show, not to mention the afore-mentioned Idris Elba's.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    6. Has access to Mads Mikkelsen.

  • chanohack

    Kinky.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    I sure hope so...

  • Pants-are-a-must

    A true and valid point.

  • chanohack

    I'd switch him with Hiddleston. And Elba for the one-night-stand.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    Elba would probably just be my whole list, including high school friends. Yeah, that's it, I just want to live in a world where everyone I encounter in life looks like Idris Elba.

  • Bedewcrock

    "Elba Elba Elba. ELBA!!!"

  • Pants-are-a-must

    Elba is a definite improvement on Fassbender, agreed.

  • Professor Sara

    I would like to know more about #4, please and thank you.

  • Pants-are-a-must

    I'm extrapolating this because his wife said he won her over by doing super complicated crafts, which she appreciates, and they have a swing in their living room. Let's be real here, who has a swing in their living room for the sake of childhood regression? No one does. No one. Ergo, Hugh Dancy is a man who is good with his hands and likes his sex on the slightly more adventurous side.

  • Michelle

    I was just thinking that.

  • pajiba

    No, Nadia! Zach Gilford can be the guy who goes shopping with you, or the friendzoned guy you watch Rachel McAdams movies with, but he CANNOT BE RUGGED BOYFRIEND. He can't even grow a respectable beard.

    I reject that premise.

    #TeamRiggins #Texas4Ever

  • LaineyBobainey

    The whole Saracen thing is just absurd and Nadia knows it.

    #Texas4Ever #GetUpRiggins #33

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    You can not be a rugged boyfriend if your hair is prettier than mine (see: Pitt, Brad), sorry Riggo.
    #TeamSaracen #TeamSplitEnds

  • Pants-are-a-must

    Just because you keep fantasizing about Riggins. I swear, he's the Legolas of grown men.

  • Dumily

    There's no need for teams, man. Saracen and Riggins were buddies. So everyone just relax because I think Tim, me and Matt should get in a menagerie.

  • chanohack

    This post makes me imagine that Nadia is somehow an amalgam of all these young ladies and would therefore be the most perfect BFF.

  • Jenn TheYellowDart

    #FREECASHEW!
    ...that was excellent.

  • Dumily

    I would switch JGL with Jake Johnson, and Lizzy Caplan with Mindy Kaling. But otherwise, on point.

    Also am I the only one strangely attracted to Jimmi Simpson?

  • Nope. I'm also on the Jimmi wagon. I blame Psych and Breakout Kings.

  • Dumily

    Even as McPoyle, he's still creepy hot.

  • Mrs. Julien

    You just know Megan and Nick will always have gum.

  • Uriah_Creep

    And meat, always lots of meat.

  • ZbornakSyndrome

    I would just like to visit their house and have Nick help me with a carpentry project while Megan told stories. Is that too much to ask?

  • e jerry powell

    Oh, I have things Nick can help me with, but only a couple involve carpentry...

  • Uriah_Creep

    But wouldn't they all involve wood? ^_^

  • e jerry powell

    Maaaayyyyybe...

  • Anne At Large

    I just realized I am that aunt, and it fills me with triumphant joy. But now I can never be out of gum.

  • e jerry powell

    Which is why there is Costco.

  • Anne At Large

    To Costco!

  • chanohack

    I read this as "always have guns," which is probably also true.

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