Let's Speculate Not-So-Wildly About the Remaining Three "Most Fascinating People" on Baba Wawa's Annual List
E.L. James. Sigh. I am sick of the way that criticism about this book has somehow morphed into derisively calling it mommy porn, because if a middle aged woman wants to buzz one out while reading about Patrick Bateman's inbred basement brother with a set of anal beads, so be it. Whatever gets you there. My problem is the same problem I have with Twilight: the national obsession with terrible fucking writing interspersed with a cursory at best and hungrily timid notion of sex. Jesus god. If you can't say ass or vagina, you do not get to write about stuff being stuck up in them.
One Direction. I'm going to pretend for a moment like that "Beautiful" song isn't on my workout mix and focus more on the fact that you could line up every single current boy band and I would not be able to tell you what band any of them belong to, or, in fact, name a single current boy band besides One Direction. And that makes me feel good about myself. In related news, THE FUCKING BACKSTREET BOYS HAVE A NEW CHRISTMAS SONG, so that's what I'll be doing for the next six weeks if you need me.
So, that's seven. Who are the other three?
- Paula Broadwell
- Nate Silver
- Honey Boo Boo
- Zachary Quinto's nipple lamp on "American Horror Story"
- Honey Boo Boo's mom
- Kalinda's vagina ice cream
- Elmo. Sadface.
- Gyp Rossetti and his love for erotic asphyxiation
- Lindsay Lohan's pink bag
- Honey Boo Boo's gay pet pig
- Donald Trump's named written in with crayon in a suspiciously Donald Trumpy handwriting
- Chick-Fil-A's nuggets and sauce in an unprecedented sit-down where they discuss both how the last year has affected them and how it affects their same-sex dipping romance with one another.
- This sad Twinkie
- Probably another fucking Kardashian. Probably the mom one. Gross.
Your turn. Who do you think it will be?
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