Justin Timberlake is the Worst

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Justin Timberlake is a Whiny Penis with Delusions of Acting Grandeur

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | May 23, 2013 | Comments ()


We need to just deal with something for a minute: every time Justin Timberlake opens his mouth, and it's not to sing or on the stage at SNL, terrible things happen.

Now, when I say he's The Worst, he's not in the same Worst realm as, say, your Chris Browns or your Charlie Sheens. Heavens no. He's more in the same Worst 'verse as your Taylors Swifts and Joffrey Biebers. Only he's actually worst because they're college-aged idiots and he's a man in his thirties, making his idiocy even more idioter. His words elicit eye rolls that could conceivably lead to a small hemorrhage. His grossly outrageous image of himself causes that nauseating douchechill of "ugh, this asshole"-ness not seen since Jorma Taccone's art wunderkind on "Girls." Justin is that obnoxiously foolish type of awful who thinks himself SO AMAZING and that has never been more apparent than this week at Cannes, where an already "uggghhhh" Timberlake reached new levels of nether-drying "UGGGHHH" simply by speaking.

The latest came in the form of an Italian reporter who dared not to stay abreast of Timbersnatch's present dealings.

"It began with the reporter from Nice asking, "You have nothing to prove anymore in music, Justin. But I have a feeling that you are making some sacrifice in music just because you are so focused right now on your acting."

"I just put a record out, man!" said Timberlake, incredulously.

"He put out two!" said co-star Carey Mulligan, who was paired with Timberlake for the round-table interviews.

"I put out a record that has a second part. That comes out this fall! Where have you been?" Timberlake kept going. "You gotta get out of Cannes, man. You gotta get out of Nice. You gotta get off your little island, man. As a matter of fact, I'm insulted. It's very pretentious." He then, of course, smiled, and squeezed the reporter's arm."

I mean, UGGHH, right? He's like that guy at every party who makes sarcastic insults, then slaps your back with a jubilant, but too forceful "naww, I'm kidding, we're cool." He's your dad's friend who makes dumb blonde jokes. He's GOB Bluth harping on about his suit. He is Timberlake. And he is THE WORST.

This isn't new. I mean, this is the man who sold People Magazine a wedding cover photo that featured him jumping on the head of his minimized bride. He's a total twat, resplendent in maximum levels of douchery, so deeply annoying that it becomes impressive, so impossibly, whinily full of himself that it viciously undermines what is actually a truly impressive career. His interviews are like a transcribed copy of every bad date I've ever been on, only worse because "Mother Lover" is funny and "Mirror" is such a good song, you guys.

So, JT, I must implore you. Shh. Hushabye now. Maybe you'll get a cookie.

5 Shows After Dark 5/23/13 | A Painfully Awkward Interview Where I Attempt to Get Bradley Cooper to Admit "The Hangover Part III" Is a Bad Film

Are you following Pajiba on Facebook or Twitter? Every time you do, Bill Murray crashes a wedding.

Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Guest

    Who wore it better?

  • Jezzer

    Can't we just compromise and agree that the interviewer was rude AND Timberlake is a douche for reasons beyond his responses? The two aren't mutually exclusive here.

  • Kobie

    I thought Timberlake was terrific in "Alpha Dog."

  • May

    In a recent interview he claimed that his music was a "cloud" over his acting career, or something along those lines. I just CANT with JT. He shouldn't be allowed to talk.

  • John W

    ...and then the interviewer punched JT in the throat. And there was much rejoicing. The end.

  • Al

    Mirror is Justin Timberlake? I thought it was a new one form New Kids On The Block because aren't they out touring again? With the old man boy bands tour or whatever. I fucking hate that song! My five year old Son loves it and let me tell you, he is the only human being on this earth who can say some shit about I can't leave him now because when he sees me it's like looking in a mirror. Fuck you every other human on earth who thinks that is a good song.
    Seriously though, that's JT?

  • hickoryduck

    If you want to call Justin a douche, this interview is not the best example. The reporter was being the idiot here.

  • kizik

    I'm convinced that the author of this article has a major Shame Crush on JT, and is struggling with admitting it. Heck, so do I, and I'm a pretty effin straight dude.

  • Christy

    Anyone remember the whole, "let's laugh at how poor these homeless people are and that will be my hilarious joke at my over-the-top insanely expensive celebrity studded wedding" thing? I haven't forgotten, and Courtney, you're right, he's a triple scoop douche.

  • Name

    Anytime I start to feel this way about Timberlake, I remember how great it felt to watch Ashton Kutcher "Punk" him years ago. It was awesome and completely deserved. Go call your mom, Timberlake.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    Weren't they also making fun of poor people at his wedding?

  • princessdi81

    Damn...that was scathing! I concur with every word.

  • competitivenonfiction

    I think one of the problems here is he (like many many others) is more interested in being a Great Actor (insert any other profession) than he is in doing great work. One is about accolades and the other is about the actual work. Even in the field I am in (environmental work) I see people more interested in building a name in the movement than in actually contributing to the movement. I can imagine the mind fuck that Hollywood or the music industry must be in this way.

    All that said, I'm not a fan of his and probably wouldn't want to have him over for a barbecue.

  • poopnado

    This doesn't really enrage me, and JT is kind of right here. He has been making music! But that reporter probably didn't need to be told to get off his island.

    The quote that did annoy me was him whining about his music career overshadowing his acting career. His music career is the only reason anyone has given him a chance in acting. He just needs to stop.

    Dude, Mirrors is a dope song.

  • Michelle Belden

    I kind of hate how much I love that song, since it is the most egotistical love song I've ever listened to approximately 5000 times in a row.

  • mairimba

    Maybe the reporter got fed up with that horrible Suit & Tie song that he just deleted from his mind the fact that JT had released an album.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    Do I have to school you on the male anatomy again, Court? The penis doesn't whine. It just mopes about until someone gives it the recognition that it deserves. Then it springs to life with this whole "Look at me! I'm a superstar! What do you mean you never noticed me before?" schtick until some one smacks it thoroughly and with sufficient for so that it vomits its creamy ego, remembers who it is, and returns to its previously apathetic state.

  • dannyexplosion

    Sure...... You want to have 10,000 of his babies.
    and "Joffrey Bieber" is great too.

  • AudioSuede

    That quote and story sounded like he was giving the interviewer a hard time as a joke. Weren't we talking about Jesse Eisenberg the other day and how hilarious it was that he was treating an interviewer like shit because she wasn't doing her job very well? This person comes at Justin Timberlake with a question about his music career, clearly having failed to just Google his name for five seconds, and he makes an obviously sarcastic joke about being offended but then lets it go immediately. I would call him the worst if maybe he slapped this person, or refused to do the interview, or stormed out, but he didn't.

    I'm honestly not sure if you're being sarcastic, because it sounds like you're overstating your point a lot. Otherwise, I think you're just trying to find an excuse not to like Justin Timberlake.

  • Kate

    Whether the reporter was being a bit of a dick depends on whether this interview was done before or after the highly publicized interview where he said his music career was a cloud over his head. Because he certainly wasn't talking like a guy who's got an album he's proud of out at the moment, so if you're interviewing him a day or two later I think it's fair to have come to the assumption that he's trying to put music on the back-burner.

    But either way, even as a joke the whole 'get out of cannes, get out of nice' thing makes him sound like a tool, like anyone who isn't avidly following his career is living under a rock.

  • Pants-are-a-must

    He is a dooooooouuuuche. A giant, epic dooooooouuuuuche. And he is the worst when he forgets that. Timberlake used to have some awareness of his hamminess (see: his interview with Jon Stewart, when he self-deprecatingly confessed he was jumping around things so people would forget he's pretty mediocre at everything he does), but whenever he has an album out, he is the world's biggest penis. Maybe that's the only way he can sell himself as a pop star, but I just think he's a doooouuuuuuche.

  • prince_of_montagu

    Both of them come across as dicks. The reporter?

    “You have nothing to prove anymore in music, Justin."

    Ugh, someone bring the Jergens so this reporter can fully jack him off.

    "But I have a feeling that you are making some sacrifice in music just because you are so focused right now on your acting.”

    That's a bit of a backhand considering he did just put an album out. It's bascially him saying "Your music is suffering because you're trying to be an actor."

    BUT then there's Justin,

    “You gotta get out of Cannes, man. You gotta get out of Nice. You gotta get off your little island, man. As a matter of fact, I’m insulted. It’s very pretentious."

    Fuck Justin for assuming the world revolves around him.

    I'm going to call this one a draw. Plus, it was probably was awkward for everyone in the room to witness these two throbbing dicks.

  • e jerry powell

    Sir, you do a disservice to all throbbing dicks around the world. These corroded douchenozzles do not deserve the honor.

  • AudioSuede

    But then the report clearly states that he smiled and played it off like a joke. I really think this is a situation in which not being able to hear him hurts a lot, because I really get the feeling he was being sarcastic and pretending to be upset when he wasn't. Just based on the context of what we're given, it honestly doesn't sound like he meant what he said.

  • Slash


    Many "reporters" (especially those who cover "entertainment") ask/pose blindingly stupid and/or borderline insulting questions.

    But fairly seasoned entertainers should know this by now and find a way to be cool about it. Answer the question without looking like a dick. If he had stopped at “I put out a record that has a second part. That comes out this fall! Where have you been?” he would have been OK.

    But for an American to tell a European to "get off your little island" is pretty douchey. Leave the arrogant "let me tell you how the world is" posturing to the assholes in Congress, Justin. They've perfected it. Just sing and look cute and do the occasional funny video.

  • $27019454

    It really does sound like an Oscar Meyer convention.

  • Classic

    The whole problem was 1) that Justin was at Cannes anyway for a bit part in a movie where he literally is on screen for 30 seconds, 2)he purposely cockblocked the male lead in this movie who has been getting rave reviews for that movie and they are already saying his name in connection with Oscar season, 3) he did an interview where he pretty much put down him doing music since he sees it as lesser to acting.

    So all in all he was being the douche since his whole thing at Cannes has been him saying repeatedly he wants to act and he is not that into music anymore. Frankly he needs to cling to that since he is a horrible actor.

  • $27019454

    It is so veddy veddy sad that of his two talents we are asserting that music (sorry..."music") is the greater of the two.

    *sad trumpet*

  • Classic

    Yeah but he is a great musician. I did hate Suit and Tie a lot but I have liked his other music. He is just upset that more people are saying you should stick to music. Like other musicians before him he wants to be seen as a great actor and musician (e.g. Madonna).

  • Sara_Tonin00

    Yes. Madonna. "great" actor.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    And "great" musician.

  • The Kilted Yaksman

    Having seen his "acting", I can say that his "music" probably is the greater of the two. He's not quite January Jones level of woodenness, but he ain't far off...

  • Classic

    Yeah I'm sorry his latest album SUCCCCKKKKEDD! I hate Suit and Tie. Every time it comes on the radio I switch to the next thing I can find. I loathe Taylor Swift but she is still more palatable than Timberlake.

  • essrogo

    If you're saying that his new album sucked and you're citing Suit and Tie as an example of why it sucks then you clearly haven't listened to the whole album.

  • Fabius_Maximus

    I thought it was called "Fart Sounds"?

  • $27019454

    God. That is such a low blow. Less palatable than Tailor Swift. Buuuurrrrn.

    I love this whole day! It's DoucheDay!

  • A few years ago I helped produce an interview with the cast of the movie Alpha Dog that Timberlake was in with Emile Hirsch and a bunch of other actors. It was a pretty large panel of actors (5 or 6 I think) joined by Nick Cassavettes, who had written and directed the movie. At the time (and even moreso today) Timberlake was clearly the biggest star in the room. I only have this one anecdotal experience to base it off, but he as also by far the most down to earth guy in the room. Relaxed, friendly, amiable, just chill. That's my one little experience with him in a similar situation but I came away thinking he was one of the good ones.

    Course, that was a long time ago and the People photos were pretty silly, so who knows - maybe he lost it between then and now or he just had the charm turned up to 11 that day because he was still trying to act rather than accepted as an actor. Tough to say.

  • $27019454

    God I love this post.

  • I can't stand him. But it sounds like he was joking with the reporter. If I were to provide evidence of his annoyance, I'd just point to something like that picture up top, every movie he's ever done, every song he's ever done, and that stuff with his wedding where they got poor people to be in a video.

    I say this as someone from Memphis, where everyone loves him. Go the fuck away Timberlake.

  • $2786243

    Ugh, the wedding video. Not sure which was worse: that it was made, or his horrible statement afterwards that basically blamed all of his friends for it and absolved himself.

  • $27019454

    Just putting this out there: Not everyone thinks his music is good or even tolerable. Not everyone watches SNL. Some people's only exposure to this douche is when he manifests massive duchbaggery (that's how my husband spells it. He's Peruvian) as in Courtney's salient examples in above post. Ergo: Some people think Timbersnoot is a tool. I've heard.

  • googergieger

    I hate to be that guy. By which of course I mean, I love to be that guy, but I hated this guy waaaaaaay before everyone. Same with Franco. I can smell fauxhipster douche a mile away, and I smelled it on those two the second they were trying to sell this indie image while out promoting actual human excrement with the word mainstream branded in the side of it.

  • BWeaves

    I think we need a sarcasm font to determine if Timberlake was being funny or an ass. You just cannot read the words and feel like you know what happened. However, I'm going to come down on Timberlake's side here. The reporter didn't do their homework.

  • kirbyjay

    I agree. I can not imagine having to answer the repetitive and ridiculous questions celebrities have to answer in interviews or the constant onslaught of paparazzi they have to evade. That's why I'm not famous!
    (sarcastic, yet true)

  • CMooreVerdad

    How about we give both the benefit of the doubt? We can say the reporter didn't do his homework (especially for laying out such an ostensibly challenge-like question, maybe poor translation), but is fairly inundated with stars at an international film festival and can't really be expected to know what's up with JT come the fall. At the same time, maybe JT is exhausted, jet-lagged, fielding tons of questions and proud of his recent effort and initially responded in a snappish manner, but then, in the moment, realized he was being a doof and tried to step back a bit.

  • AudioSuede

    Seriously, just a glance at Wikipedia or, I don't know, ANYWHERE ON THE INTERNET and this person would know that he had a new album out. Which begs the question of whether he DID know that Timberlake had an album out and he was actively insulting that album to the man's face, in which case, massive dick move.

  • Robert

    I think the implication was that he couldn't do so many films and consistently put out good music. He probably knew there was an album out. The question was poorly worded and taken the wrong way.

  • AudioSuede

    But that's still insulting. That's him saying, "You just put out some music. You keep acting. You can't keep acting and still put out good music. You're doing it wrong."

  • Justimber is living proof of the American dream: work hard and good things will come. He can sing and dance pretty well, but so can lots of people. He started early, stuck with it, played to his strengths and didn't go astray when it started to pay off for him. He's naturally lost some perspective, which is worth pointing out in a fun way like this, but it's also worth keeping some perspective on what value he brings. I'd say more, but I've lost interest.

  • annie

    That's really it. He's not the worst; he really just acts like a guy who's had his ass kissed for half his life now. It'd still be nice to see someone really clock him once. Metaphorically. With a fist made out of humility.

  • JJ

    Yes, how dare he not act how we think he should act! That's THE WORST UUUUGGGHHHH!

  • Honeybee

    YES!!! Thank you SO MUCH Courtney. You are so right on the money about the Timberlake. I'm kind of amazed that people don't see it! Yes, that reporter's question was a tad rude - but you guys, look at the way he responded. So much ugggghh. That People mag photo was The. Worst. That said, if the Academy is smart they'll hire him for the Oscars this year. Yes, if he hosts he will be insufferable about it to a degree that we cannot begin to imagine, but it would make for a great show - Timberlake as a host and musician is super talented. To your point Courtney - the douchiness just obscures the fact that he really is good. Also: Joffrey Bieber? Marry me.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I think the fact that JT kept rambling on was douchey - yes. But I also think the reporter was an idiot. If you're going to ask a performer if they've given up music for acting, it's germane to know that the actor just put out an album and has another one coming.

    I'm confused though - is the reporter Italian or from Nice?

  • Bedewcrock

    I'm meh with Justin Timberlake but it sounds like he gets some pretty douchey reporter questions like this a lot.

    See: Mila Kunis bitching out a reporter in Russian when a they asked Timberlake why he’s given up music for acting: http://youtu.be/qiFjgr2uGr0

  • dc

    I mean... come now. It seems rather offensive for someone who just dropped an album to have a reporter say to him that he has been sacrificing music for acting. The reporter is kiiiiiiind of a dick.

  • Really? Really.

    Yeah, I agree "Joffrey Bieber" is brilliant. HOWEVER, the beef with Timberlake is, well, unjustified. It clearly sounded jovial, and dude *did* just put out an album, which I thought was rather relevant to the frickin' question that was asked. I mean, lets call people out when they deserve it, and not do so when they don't deserve it.

  • Jake: "Hey, why did you quit your job to sit on the couch all day?"
    Xavier: "Huh? I worked 12 hours yesterday. I was promoted last week. An email went around to everyone in the company. Technically you work for me now. Whaddya mean I quit?"
    Internet: Xavier is a smug asshole.

  • Can't decide if this is serious or not. Either way, I'll never understand the hate this community radiates toward Timberlake. He is hilarious, multi-talented, self-effacing and willing to try different things. He's never linked to extramarital affairs or drama at a club or drugs or domestic violence, problems that plague far too many celebrities -- especially ones who became famous at an early age. By all accounts, Timberlake is a decent guy who manages himself quite well (check out what Bill Hader said about his SNL appearances yesterday).

    So what's the problem? Someone explain the hate to me without using the word "frat."

  • poopnado

    FRAT. Oh, wait. BRO.

  • $27019454

    OK: "Douche"

  • $27019454

    Here's another one: Timberlick

  • JJ

    Courtney will never get over Timberlake breaking Britney's heart. It's traumatized her for life.

  • That is factual truth.

  • vdo86

    I thought everyone loved him here? I keep seeing articles about his hilariousness or whatever.

  • Here's the thing: I DO LOVE HIM. But GOD he's such a Justin Deeber. I want to punch him and hug him.

  • e jerry powell

    In some cultures, that would be considered foreplay.

    Just sayin'.

  • http://www.uproxx.com/tv/2013/...

    Personally, I think there's a gaping chasm between Beiber and Timberlake, but we can agree to disagree because America.

  • Jezzer

    Personally, I think they're both gaping chasms.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    I'm thinking the same thing now as when Pajiba posted the Hader interview this morning: one is a teenager, the other is adult. It makes sense to me that a 30 year old man would not need an entourage at a show he's hosted 5 times before. Back in his NSync or Mickey Mouse Club days, it might have been a different story for him.

  • The commentors really seem to get on Timberlake a lot. Click on an SNL or music post and run a CTRL+F for "douche." You'll get some hits.

  • Eva

    Yep, you nailed it.

  • BendinIntheWind

    Words cannot express how much I adore the moniker "Joffrey Bieber". It is truly perfect.

  • It made me so happy I cried a little.

  • e jerry powell

    It is right up there with santorum.

  • MichaelAndTheArgonauts

    Seriously. Never have two names fit more perfectly together.

  • DarthCorleone

    It's so perfect that I actually had to think hard to remember what his actual first name is.

  • BWeaves

    Same here. I seriously could not remember his real first name.

  • BWeaves

    I love that. Can we make that a world wide internet thang? PLEASE.

  • BendinIntheWind

    If we can't, we as a society need to reexamine ourselves.

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    I can't stop laughing that silent, shakey laughy thing. My palms are sweating.

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