Justin Bieber Being Held Back From Attacking Photographers Is the Funniest Thing You'll See All Day
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Justin Bieber Being Held Back From Attacking Photographers Is the Funniest Thing You'll See All Day

By Courtney Enlow | Celebrities Are Better than You | March 8, 2013 | Comments ()

bieber tantrum 08mar13 01.jpg

So, I don't know if you follow Wee Widdle BeeBee, but he's had a wuff week.

First, he had THE WORST BIRTHDAY EVER because security wouldn't let his 14-year-old BFF Jaden Smith into a club where he was hosting his circus-themed birthday party. It had clowns and everything!

Then, he got booed at a concert for showing up "only 40 minutes late." Only 40 minutes?! That's almost a whole episode of "Scandal."

Then, he had sad Twitter feelings.

"fake stories to sell papers i guess are part of the job. but im a good person. i know that. u cant tell me different. we know the truth," he tweeted.

Another said: "rumors rumors and more rumors. nothing more nothing less. might talk about them 1 day. rt now im just gonna be positive. cant bring me down"

"I understand it is part of the job to be judged...but judge me on the facts, judge me on the music, and be careful of the judgement u pass, but know this...im only judged by one power, and i serve him," he also added.

Sadface! :(

THEN, he fainted at a show last night. Possibly a lot like how I "fainted" every time we had to play basketball in gym. But, don't worry. He was well enough to pull down his gown and Instagram himself listening to "Janice Joplin."


Then. Then. Today, as he left the hospital, he was swarmed by paparazzi, per uszhe. And. He. Attacked. And, I'm sorry, photographers are a mess and I don't wish it on anyone, but this is the funniest thing I've ever seen. Ever. In my life.

bieber tantrum 08mar13 01.jpg

It looks like that man is picking up his seven-year-old who is having a tantrum at Walmart.


Is he not Warren from Empire Records? HE IS SO WARREN FROM EMPIRE RECORDS.


You guys, it's adorable. I want to carry him in my pocket and watch him throw tantrums all day.

For good measure, let's just throw in a photo of him meeting Stephen Harper. For funsies.


Look, this is standard operating procedure. Bieber reached insane amounts of fame as a zygote and now he's acting out. THEY ALL DO. Now, if it stays small like this, it will remain hilarious. If he starts getting hospitalized for "exhaustion" or "the flu" then we'll know things have taken a turn for Lohanic.

Yes, it's cruel to laugh at someone who is clearly distressed. I mean, I cannot imagine what it would be like to have photographers swarm you screaming at you, and then some snarky blog bitch laugh at you. And I'm sorry. I don't feel good about it. But...I mean...look at him.


D'awwww. He's like an angry koala.

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Comments Are Welcome, Bigots and Trolls Are Not

  • Jonathan

    I love this article simply for the "Warren from Empire Records" reference.

  • Jezzer

    Maybe listening to Janis will inspire him to die young.

  • Kballs

    His little Canadian testicles can scarcely be contained by mere sweatpants . . .

  • Az

    Pants on the ground. pants on the ground. Lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground.

  • PerpetualIntern

    I'm going to have this stuck in my head all day now.

  • stryker1121

    I saw the vid of this the other day and the photog is an asshole himself, screaming that the 90-lb pop idol "assaulted" him.

    Since when did Bieber go wanksta?

  • The more I look at this the more hilarious it is. Look at that guy! He looks like he's picking up a toddler who's throwing a tantrum and has just shit on the floor. Which is why his pants aren't all the way up. And the poor guy has that world-weary look on his face, like he regrets ever becoming a parent and just wishes to get rid of the little shit.

  • Holly Martins

    I love Janice Joplin. Especially "Beavertime" and "Me and Bobby McBiebs"

  • ,

    I'd say, "Canadians are so CUTE when they're angry," but Canadians are too polite to get angry. At best they get maybe a little put-out. Kind of how Beebs' handler looks. "Aw, shit, he's trying to act tough again and I have to pretend I couldn't snap him like a toothpick." *exasperated sigh* "Well, here goes nothing ...

    "PLEASE, Beebs, PLEASE! I beg you, don't KILL the man DEAD like you did to that gang last week!"

  • ,

    Koalas will rip your face off.

    Or so I've heard ...

  • kirbyjay

    1994? The year he was born?

  • Rykker

    That's an insult to koalas, Courtney.
    They only LOOK cute 'n' cuddly.
    An angry koala can totally eff your stuff UP.

    Biebs? Pffft.
    The look on his handler's face in the first pic is unconcerned, detached boredom; no threat to the public goin' on here; nothin' to be concerned about, folks; just the wittoo man fwohwin' a witoo tantwum.

  • Devil Child

    Bieber could be a Gracie Jiu-Jitsu blackbelt and still be hilariously unthreatening.

    That's not a hypothetical. John Mayer studies Krav Maga, a martial art invented by Holocaust survivors, and still doesn't look like he could kick a butterfly's ass.

    Mayer vs. Bieber, book it, Dana White!

  • ElChocloNoEsMiPadre.

    Yo, Justin, seriously, it's not the nineties anymore. Wear your pants like a sensible person or don't wear them at all, but quit it, now.

  • Salieri2

    I think what I like most about these pics is that Sleeve Dude is holding back the Mayhem Of The Biebs with just one arm--because that's all he needs. Just one--while politely hanging on to kid's cell phone and sports drink with the other one.

  • Clancys_Daddy

    Justin if you don't get in the van right no you don't get ice cream. Awwwwww dad.

  • You can see his stupid Big Boy Sized underpants hanging out the back of his jeans, too.

    The only way this would be more ridiculous would be if he were wearing an actual diaper.

  • BlackRabbit

    He's surprisingly tatted up for a wholesome children's role model and tween star.

  • Protoguy

    Aw, he just needed a nap. Little tyke's all tuckered out. By the bye, is 1994 the year he was born? And him and Harper? I don't think I've seen a shot of just two people with that much artifice. Harper's parted yak fur alone makes me want to craft an outdated Testa joke.

  • Thompsen

    You can't get mad at other people for taking your picture when the first thing you do upon being admitted to the hospital is take a sexy picture of yourself and post it online!

    Oh, and bullshit he was listening to Janis Joplin. If Bieber can name one Janis Joplin song I'll hop on over to iTunes right now and download his entire "ouevre."

  • roodle

    LOL he is so Warren

  • John G.

    hopefully he can console himself in his money fort

  • katy

    It's the hat that's as big as his head that puts it over the top. This wouldn't be half the story without it.

  • $43768042

    fighting him would be like being gnawed on by a chihuahua.
    you'd feel really embarassed and awkward if you were to actually fight back, but you'd have him gnawing at your ankles and yapping continuously until his owner put him back in his little purse.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Is that a bodyguard and Bieber, or Gnomeo and Juliet?

    You decide.

  • birdgal

    I haven't even read the article or comments yet, but I just feel like I need to say this RIGHT NOW: PULL UP YOUR PANTS CHILD!!!!!!

  • Slash

    That is pretty hilarious. And he needs to pull up his pants. Maybe the bodyguard will do it for him after they get back in the car.

  • melissa82

    Totally Warren -- That is perfect!

  • Ash

    I'LL BE BACK AND YOU'LL BE SORRY *voice breaks*

  • googergieger

    Yeah, but whatever you do, don't make fun of fucking Adele.


  • $27019454

    Adele keeps her pants on in public.

  • Jo

    Actually, she doesn't - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v...

    (skip to 4.10) Aw, she's lovely.

  • googergieger

    Well thank Bob, for that shit.

  • But you have no problem with the way she looks. Check.

  • googergieger

    I don't. It's a joke. I'm gay, firstly. So I'm not interested in any fucking woman with her pants off. And therefore, there will be no second of all.

  • Wait, I'm supposed to only find people attractive that I want to fuck? Well, damn. There goes half my spank bank. ;)

  • googergieger

    That doesn't make any sense.

  • Sure it does. I find many people attractive enough to fantasize about, but I don't want to have sex with them. That's way more intimate than I want to be with total strangers.

  • When Adele throws tantrums on Twitter and attacks photographers, I'm sure we'll be right there damning her for her bad public behavior, too. Not like we spare the ones we love when they act like jackasses, so why should we cut this kid any slack?

  • googergieger

    Yeah, not like the singer that never shuts up about the fact she isn't an anorexic crack whore who is proud of the way she looks never acts like a self righteous *bleep* in interviews or anything...

  • I don't see how being proud of how you look, *not* being a drug addict, and not having an eating disorder are bad things. If she wasn't fat, would any of that bother you? Also, that still doesn't qualify as bad public behavior. If someone asks a question in an interview, and you don't like her answer, that doesn't mean she's behaving badly.

  • googergieger

    That isn't what I said and that isn't what she does.

    Interviewer: Hey, how's it going?
    Adele: I'm proud of the way I look and that I'm not one of these skinny eating disorder having crack whore being skanks.

    I don't care about fat. I don't care about skinny. I don't care about Bieber or Adele. Think all that music is shit.

    Again though, this is about hypocrisy. And you all stink with the smell of it.

  • kushiro -

    Can we get a source for that quote? Seems like something I'd want to be able to access quickly if I need to.

  • googergieger

    Sure it was in hyperbole monthly. I believe literal man was doing the interview.

  • kushiro -

    Well, as long as you pretty much admit you were exaggerating and making up quotes just to support your completely blown-out-of-proportion estimation of the Adele's attitude and personality, I see no problem here. Carry on.

  • googergieger

    But oranges don't talk. And they sure as hell can't knock on doors. No, none of this adds up at all!

  • I'm not a huge fan, either. I just don't see how answering interview questions is parallel to attempting to attack photographers and having public meltdowns. Where's the hypocrisy?

  • googergieger

    It's okay to go after a kid, who's been raised to be a sociopath, and a stupid girl being stupid, but you make one cheesy joke about a singer who goes out of her way to always talk about her weight without being prompted as such, and that is the line.

    Either it is all okay, or none of it is.

    Simple as.

  • Ah, thanks. That was the clarification I was looking for. So we have to be mean to everyone or we can't be mean to anyone at all? Where's the fun in that?

  • googergieger

    Not so much that but, maybe stop having so much of a "my shit doesn't stink" mentality?


  • F'mal DeHyde

    Oh my shit stinks plenty. Does that make you feel better?

  • googergieger

    Makes me feel rather indifferent. Not being a hypocrite, makes me feel awesome though.

  • Protoguy

    I'm just fascinated by the rabid attacks on anything negative about her. He didn't say he didn't like her fat, he said he didn't like that she brings it up every interview.
    We love our snark but for fuck's sake don't snark on the precious babies we deem off-limits? Bullshit.

  • ingres77

    Is this Celebitchy?

    I liked Pajiba better when it talked about movies.

  • Hey, see where the tag says: Celebrities are Better than You? Skip those. You're welcome.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    God damn it Beiber! You know you have to put on the Mittens of Furious Choking first! This isn't doing anything for our reputation as a scary and insanely violent people.

  • Rochelle

    Biebs is jealous that J Law is getting all the downward spiral gossip.

  • PDamian

    Yes, it’s cruel to laugh at someone who is clearly distressed.

    But he's not distressed. He's angry and petulant, but not distressed. There's a difference between a child throwing a tantrum for attention or to make someone give him something, and a child screaming in genuine pain and fear. Put it another way: there's a difference between gays and their allies demonstrating and waving placards outside a federal building in support of civil rights or against some miscarriage of justice -- and two straight women making out in a bar filled with frat boys to prove that they're "comfortable with their sexuality."

    Bieber needs a nap and a time-out. And for god's sake, boy ... pull your pants up!

  • NynjaSquirrel

    Well, he was so distressed he went on to refuse two Rolls Royces laid on by the Langham Hotel because they were 'the wrong shade of white'.

  • DeltaJuliet

    This morning I asked my 9 year old son if he or any of his friends like Justin Beiber and his exact response was this: "NO way! We all call him Justin BEAVER!" and he laughed and laughed like it was the funniest, most creative thing he'd ever heard. I didn't see how it was so funny (at least, not in the way he was taking it), but I WAS relieved to think that maaaaybe Bieber is on his way out? Maybe?

  • $27019454

    My daughter calls him "The Beav"

  • pumpkin

    My 9 year old daughter barely knows who he is (thankfully), but she still think he's an annoying brat.

  • catagisreading

    Don't be fooled by Koala's, their cute little stoner faces, hide the soul of a monster. A vicious little teddy bear with claws that easily disembowel, or take a limb or two, just for shits and giggles.

  • foolsage

    A thousand times yes. Their fur is like steel wool (the ones they let you hold have been shampooed, conditioned, and tranquilized). They also make horrible grunting noises; it's a bit like the world's largest warthog trying to growl.


  • Fabius_Maximus

    It seems they also make small children cry.

  • foolsage

    Smart little children, yes. :D

  • 724wd

    and spread chlamydia!

  • F'mal DeHyde

    I read this as "Now, if HE stays small like this, it will remain hilarious" because he's a tiny little person and him struggling with a grown man looks funny.

    I do feel kind of bad for him though, having people constantly watching me would drive me insane.

  • DataAngel

    I have to say that picture of him in the hospital makes me feel creepy. And not in a good way. It's technically a safe picture, but I feel like I need to apologise to everyone and explain that I'm not looking at half-naked, underage kids. And maybe find a neurosurgeon who can remove that particular image from my memory.

  • Pinky McLadybits

    Who's a scary wittle guy? YOU ARE! YOU ARE, YES YOU ARE! Biebs is such a scary wittle guy! HIM SO SCARY!

  • jen

    Looks like he's being put in his booster seat.

  • Snath

    "Whatcha gonna do? Croon at me?"

  • Lindsey Gregory

    Someone change that baby's poopy diaper. That's a poopy diaper tantrum right there! And maybe give him a juice. Splash a lil whisky in there and he'll be quiet for a couple of hours.

  • PerpetualIntern

    "GIVE MY BOY SOME JUICE!" He needs Lucille Bluth looking after him.

  • foolsage

    We have unlimited juice? This party is going to be off the hook!

  • Does he represent the Lollipop Guild?

  • Lyndsay

    He's an angry munchkin doing a Charlie Day impression.

  • LucyKlein

    Nope, the Lollipop Guild look like a fun group of people. Bieber is an parody you'd see back in the day of white rich kid in the 1990s trying to be black kid, who for good measure is incredibly effeminate.

  • Tinkerville

    That Justin Bieber has one of the most punchable faces I ever did see.

  • Leelee

    WHAT IF you were faced with Beiber and Joffrey, side by side, and allowed to punch only one of them? How could you choose?
    It would be like the Sophie's Choice of bitchfaced teenagers.

  • foolsage

    Easy! I'd grab the sides of their heads and bang their tiny skulls together in time to the music. What music? I'd almost certainly be humming "Pop Goes the Weasel" at that point.

    That's Joffrey, mind you; not Jack Gleeson.

  • David Sorenson

    Trick question. You punch one hard enough that his head slams into the other one. Then it doesn't matter who you hit.

    Though I will say that I would punch Biebs into Joff, cause Biebs is totawwy a tuff wittle man. Wookit how tuff he is.

    Joffrey is an asshole, but at least he's royalty with a real army and was raised by a sociopath. Biebs just has an army of fourteen year olds who can only harass you if you have a twitter feed, and is a washed out version of Justin Timberlake who was a washed out version of Usher who was a washed out version of Michael Jackson who was a washed out version of Michael Jackson. He's a copy so far removed from the original source that the machine has since run out of ink and toner so it can only warm up white paper.

    Justin Bieber is warm white paper.

  • foolsage

    I like your plan and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.

  • PerpetualIntern

    Bieber. I've heard the kid that plays Joffrey is lovely. HOWEVER, if it were the actual Joffrey (blowing right past the point he's fictional) I'd punch him right in his prissy little mouth. Asshat.

  • Leelee

    I was working on the assumption that it was the ACTUAL Joffrey - I too have heard that Jack Gleeson is a delight and he most definitely does not deserve a thoroughly good punching.

  • Tinkerville

    That's a trick question. If they were ever side by side it would result in a black hole of douchiness so great it would consume the planet. No one would be left to punch them.

  • Melody Be

    Bibber, (typo and it stays) cause the poor kid playing Joffrey get enough grief already.

  • Joe Grunenwald

    He's just mad that the photographer caught him when his pants were falling down. Poor kid's probably embarrassed.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Oh for fucks sake, this kid is Christian now? I bet God is thrilled. Or at least he would be, if he had a 14 year old daughter.

    God: Hey JB!
    JB: Waddup G?
    God: You know what you said about serving me?
    JB: Of course yo, I meant that God, for real!
    God: Can you stop by my daughter's birthday party this weekend? She's a huge fan, it would mean a lot...
    JB: Sorry Godawg, I got two shows in Dallas. I can tweet a shout out tho.
    God: You little shit...

  • Natallica

    He seriously looks like he has Lionel Messi Syndrome. And wtf with his hairless armpits? Does he shave or puberty was weirdly selective on his body?

  • God Of Bal-Sagoth

    I love that he's lying in his hospital bed and just happens to have his hair perfectly coiffed.

    Did I say that I love that? I meant I'd like to strangle him with his headphones.

  • mswas

    I saw the first photo of him with the bodyguard with no caption at all, and I was going to make a snarky comment. But then I thought that maybe it was the bald man's developmentally disabled child, and that would be just terrible of me. So I refrained. and now? NOW?

    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

    hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee

    ho ho ho ho ho ho ho

    ha ha ha ha

    I'm DYING here! Just dying.

  • pumpkin

    It's sad how he can't keep his pants up.

  • Wembley

    Well how else is he going to show people he no longer wears diapers. Big Boy pants for JB.

  • Robert

    We have to keep extra belts backstage to take care of this style trend at the one school I work for. Apparently pants aren't designed to cover the rear end on teenagers/young men anymore. If they won't belt up, they're not welcome onstage. End of discussion.

  • foolsage

    Those are sweats. They could cover his ass but he's pulled them down to indicate to the other inmates that he's available for sexual favors.

    I just don't understand the sagging phenomenon. I really don't. Maybe I'm just turning into a grumpy old man.

  • Maguita NYC

    Try riding the escalator behind one of them. It's hilariously kvetching. You just can't decide if you should tsk disapprovingly, or push the pants all the way down.

  • L.O.V.E.

    Maguita, even better is if you start laughing and say, "Somebody must be drag-racing, because I see skid marks". That puts these little douchettes in their place.

    Back in my day (yes I'm old, and you can get off my lawn) having someone pull your shorts down was embarrassing. Now these little turds do it too themselves.

  • Maguita NYC

    Peepaw, I am so using this next time I land behind one. "Somebody must be drag-racing, because I see skid marks". Already rubbing my hands with glee at the thought!

    Trying to act all ghetto-penguins, can't wear man pants to save their lives (literally. Those pants are dangerous when hopping down stairs).

  • L.O.V.E.

    Ha! For the record, I am in my 30s. Too young to be a gramps, but old enough to know how to write in cursive, read an analog watch, wear a belt, and take a lady on an actual date.

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