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Jason London Arrested, Poops Himself in Patrol Car Because God Loves Wednesday!

By Dustin Rowles | Celebrities Are Better than You | January 30, 2013 | Comments ()


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According to TMZ. Jason London -- who is still acting, prolifically, in fact -- was arrested in Arizona after an inebriated London sneezed on a man. London refused to apologize, and then, to compound his drunken stupidity, he hit the man he'd already attacked with his snot droplets on the face. From the looks of his mug shot, London then got the sh*t beat out of him, but when the paramedics were called in to treat him, he cursed and pushed at them (apparently, he did not sneeze on any of them, which is the real crime here. I mean, it's flu season, people).

And then, in a delightful twist, and the culmination of his entire career, Jason London sh*t himself.

According to the police report, on the way to the station London said to the cops, "I'm rich and I'm a motherf***ing famous actor! F***ing look me up, b****." And then after telling the cops their squad car smelled "like s***," he allegedly leaned to the left and promptly pooped himself.

That rich, famous motherf*cker, whose most notable role in years was as a glorified extra in an episode of Scandal, crapped his damn pants LIKE A BOSS.

Naturally, London denied the entire story, tweeting (in reverse order):

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Ah, yes: The "they doctored my mug shot excuse." Of course.

Thank you, Jason London, for shi*ting yourself. Your shame is our entertainment glory. Also, nice glasses, dude.



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Comments Are Welcome, Douches Are Not


  • marya

    Eh. He sounds like a drunk. I can't laugh. I feel sorry for the cops, yes. Sorry for him, sorry for his family, sorry for the dude he sneezed on. It's just not as fun to laugh at celebrities when they are so clearly self-destructing.

  • lonolove

    Correction. That, sir, is a Smugshot.

  • e jerry powell

    I'm trying to figure out how this can be spun into a movie role. Nothing yet, but still working.

  • dagnabbit

    Is this the same guy who said he was abducted and forced to do drugs in Palm Springs? The truth will win, bro.

  • LaineyBobainey

    Nooooo, it's his twin!

    I'm not even lying! True story.

  • dagnabbit

    Wow. Just wow.

  • RudeMorgue

    This is why I love Wikipedia. When trying to figure out who this clown even was, I read this: "About January 26, 2013, He was arrested on suspicion of assault and disorderly conduct after an altercation at a Scottsdale bar. He did a poo in the police car."

  • $27019454

    I'm laughing so hard (a work, people) my hands are sweating and my eye is doing that flittery crazy thingy that hysterically laughing people's eyes do. I am desperately casting about the dusty space that is my brain pan trying to think of a situation in my life where I can deftly insert the phrase "crapped his damned pants LIKE A BOSS." (Thank God I can't think of one). But I mean, who would use that phrase in real life? El Dustino, that's who! Using defecatory humor LIKE A BOSS!!!!

  • John G.

    Randall 'Pink' Floyd must have got some good shit from Slater, dude.

  • kirbyjay

    No, No...isn't Jeremy London Pink? I thought he was the normal one. I'm distressed.

  • mswas

    Don't confuse him with his twin brother Jeremy, who's in rotation these days when Mallrats is on cable.

  • lowercase_ryan

    Apparently he was at a bar called Martini Ranch (which I went to a few times back in my drinking years). It's literally a two minute car ride to the station, dude works fast.

  • BWeaves

    WHO?

  • lowercase_ryan

    TS

  • lowercase_ryan

    ARIZONA!!!! W0000H000000!!!! You're all jealous bitches hahaha

  • Kballs

    I suggest his next career be as a circus carny. He was able to correctly (we must assume) guess all 3 bouncers' weights while they pounded on his eye socket. He has the gift, people.

  • Pinky McLadybits

    Come on, clearly he was trying to fart and shit instead. He sharted. GET YER FACTS STRAIGHT, TMZ! SHARTING IS NOT SHITTING. Well, not purposely.

  • F'mal DeHyde

    Yep, I suspect it was what I like to call a cream-filled fart. You think you're only farting and... oopsie.

  • Sara_Tonin00

    ew. Downvoting for grossness. But perhaps it can enter urbandictionary as pulling a Roker, or "Roking oneself."

  • TheOriginalMRod

    His wife was in the next room??? Or was she running away to find a divorce lawyer?

  • ghisent

    Look, you use the weapons you have at hand, OK?

  • bleujayone

    So he literally got the shit beat out of him, it just wasn't instantaneously done . There was a slight delay between the beating and the outing of the shit in much the same way one might smash someone else in the head and he can then walk around fine for hours while unknowingly bleeding to death in his brain. Someone gave him Mai Tai's five point fist exploding colon technique.

  • RonDobbs

    Yeah, sneezing on people isn't cool. Getting drunk and belligerent is even less cool. Also, using a film review site as your own personal TMZ to shit on people you don't like or kick someone who is already down is the antithesis of cool. Very brave! Can't wait until Daniel Tosh tells another tasteless joke or someone briefly mentions Mel Gibson. Thanks for keeping it relevant! (Also, I love you and visit your site several times a day!)

  • Puddin

    technically, he shit on himself.

  • TherecanbeonlyoneAdmin

    I'd like to nominate this comment for the Passive/Aggressive edition of EE.

  • F'mal DeHyde

    Is that a real thing? Cuz if it is, I'm gonna start reading those columns.

  • John G.

    That really should be a thing. We should nominate all kinds of comments, instead of just the ones that one person finds emotionally satisfying or mildly amusing.

  • Mrs. Julien

    People do nominate comments and they almost always get included as a result. Please nominate things. Seriously.

  • John G.

    Oh, I know, including myself. I have no beef with you, Mrs. J. What I meant was maybe we nominate things that aren't always technically "good", as in "most obnoxious" or "dumbest" comment, or "wow, that was sexist". In that way, we can highlight those comments that deserve mockery as much as those that deserve praise.

  • Mrs. Julien

    I am willing to include anything/approach EE in whatever manner that will most please the Pajiterate and not displease the Overlord.

    Subject: [jiba] Re: Jason London Arrested, Poops Himself in Patrol Car Because God Loves Wednesday!

  • Frank Berrodin

    Dazed and crapfused

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