Pajiba

jennifer aniston is definitely missing!

Remember, Jessica Biel's too pretty to get the serious roles she wants. (Her words.)

Sigh. Kate Beckinsale still gets a pass for Emma, Cold Comfort Farm, Much Ado, and Shooting Fish. You cannot convince me she has made any movies since then. La la laaaaa I can't hear you.

The only one I might raise an issue with is McConaughey, who has an easy sort of charm that works for most of the rom coms and semi-dramas he chooses to do. Not everyone can be Pacino -- hell, Pacino isn't Pacino anymore -- but at least he seems to know his playing level and doesn't buck the trend.

And a lot of these "actors" really made the mistake of picking the wrong projects that exposed their flaws. Again, nothing wrong with being the pretty face or the cute girl -- just don't lie to yourself that you're Meryl Streep good.

I also thought Beckinsale was good in Cold Comfort Farm. I disagree about Much Ado About Nothing, though. The part of Hero has all the charm and range of a wet dishrag. Keanu Reeves wasn't good in that movie, but at least he was reaching. And everything she's done since then has been yuck. And I've seen Van Helsing, so I know yuck.

I feel sort of the same about Butler--I liked him in RocknRolla, but mostly he is good for ogling at. Still too early to decide if it's lack of talent or very bad role choices.

Why isn't Aniston on this list?! She had one relatively decent sitcom role in the 90s, and hasn't done anything worth watching since then.

In Scarlett's defense, I heard she was good on Broadway, and she did win a Tony. But I have no personal experience of her live actressing to back this up.

You're so right about Duhamel.

Jennifer Love Hewitt makes me want to stab everything.

Jennifer Love Hewitt will always have a special place in my heart because of "Kids Inc." the show that also gave us Fergie and Eric Balfour.

Check it out...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xO3E1UD0qCA

"Fuck Scarlett Johnasson. Big ole titties do not an actress make"

But they certainly help.

Also, I may shiv the next person to talk bad about Kate Beckinsale. SHIV! I say. She will always get a pass from me for her outstanding work in Pearl Harbor.

The thing about McConaughey is that he was perfectly serviceable (that sounds dirty, but I don't mean it to) in more than a few of his early roles. Amistad, A Time to Kill, Contact, U-571...he wasn't awful or anything. It coulda been worse.

But then it's like he just said, "Fuck it. They'll pay me for balls-out shitastic performances and who am I to question their wisdom. Done, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. Check please."

The point is: some modicum of talent was there and then he just spooged it out into Fool's Gold and Failure to Launch. Side note: looks-wise, he is slowly turning into Skeletor.

Which leads me to his next movie: XXX He-Man, marketed in Finland as "Please Forgive Me; My Babies Need Pampers" a.k.a. "My Kids Keep Getting Older and I Stay the Same Age."

That McConughey was made to stand on the beach and do voice-overs for the beef industry. That's it.

and nothing can save these actors

Beckinsale was good in Snow Angels. She still has talent, I think she just prefers not to use it. Or using it might make her lump of a husband feel bad.

Kate Hudson has been given an entire career based around being Goldie Hawn's daughter. That will never be stopped.

Ha! I saw the headline and the first people to pop into my head were the Jessicas and Ashton Kutcher. We're braintwins.

I was going to suggest Andie MacDowell, but I guess she's not considered a star so much anymore as she's just "that lady in the L'Oreal commercials."

Also, Charming Potato can't act worth beans, but damn, do I love watching him dance.

You cannot convince me she has made any movies since then.

Exactly. Remember back when she was English? Man, those were the days.

And General, that's the most creative missppelling of Johansson I've seen yet.

I demand the inclusion of Jonathan Rhys Meyers on this list! I think George RR Martin had him pegged when he dubbed him "The Shouting Studmuffin". Seriously, dude has only two settings: creepy and disingenuous cassanova, and ENRAGED!!!!!!!!!1!!

Perhaps there is something telling in how the producers of The Tudors aged him for the last season. Instead of going the fat suit route or porking up for the role, they instead opted to make him wizened and scrawny. I think if they had gone fat, it would have been a more difficult sell and they couldn't have had the super artsy-fartsy scene in the final episode where he's a young stallion mowed down by death, rather like Andersoon Cooper under that goose-stepping camel.

These and Julia Roberts are why I make a semantic distinction between actors and movie stars. There are actors who are movie stars, but far fewer movie stars that could (or should) be taken seriously as actors.

Personal problems aside, Eric Roberts is an actor. As Julia Roberts proved in Three Days of Rain, she is a movie star.

Wait, are we forgetting Lohan? She was awesome in The Parent Trap and Mean Girls up until she lost focus ("I'm gonna win an Oscar!") and/or discovered the wonders of chasing eightballs throughout the hallways of the Chateau Marmont. She may be like Kate B: talented, but used in awful projects.

I'm still trying to figure out why people think Jessica Biel is pretty. To me she looks like a dude with long-ish hair and a pair of tits. Those shoulders could certainly fill out Melanie Griffith's skirt-suits in Working Girl. At least the other ladies on this list are pretty, and Kate Beckinsale in her vampire latex can just about be forgiven anything. As for Scarjo, I will never say a bad thing against her- I'm still holding out that we will eventually be together.

As for the guys, Butler and McConaughey keep me entertained just fine. I bear them no ill will. They were both in Reign of Fire afterall, which was simply awesome. Plus Butler was in How to Train Your Dragon. In fact, if there was one person on this list I disagree with being on this list the most, it would be him.

Kate Beckinsale should have a lucrative career as the bitchy socialite the hero is supposed to marry before he realizes is all wrong for him before he ends up with the real star. That's all.

Both Jessicas are way past their expiration date. Like the other moldy Jessica (Simpson) they should stay off the big screen and start a wig line or sing at chili cook offs.

Keanu Reeves anyone?
Julia Roberts anyone?
Angelina Jolie? Seriously, she only got to be known for being John Voight's daughter and cemented her status as Brad Pitt's wife.

This list is bust without Aniston. I see she's got another attempt at making us laugh at/with her this month, and it just comes off that whoever is handling her career holds up male leads to her and a script like fabric swatches, going "Hmmm, this might just work..."

She always looks so damn uncomfortable. Yep. Should be here.

Kristen Stewart is worse than all those actresses combined.

That Josh Hartnett comment slayed me. Quality stuff.

Whoever is complaining about Jonathan Rhys Meyers hasn't seen the majority of his movies. He's a fantastic actor with huge range. And yes he is a stud muffin

"Kids Inc." the show that also gave us Fergie and Eric Balfour.

umm...this was a good thing?

Love Hewitt? Kill me.

Great list, but I really must keep sticking up for Scarlett Johansson, who I think is a perfectly fine actor and certainly nowhere near as vapid and passive as January Jones. When she was young, especially, I think she showed she had real edge and ambiguity to her acting, but that got a bit dulled because of a misplaced desire to brand herself as a sexy vamp, whereas her appeal was her awkwardness, like Jake Gyllenhaal, say.

Still: there's no denying the rest of them.

Most excellent list, though I do agree Aniston belongs here.

Channing Tatum AKA "that ugly guy that keeps getting cast as a handsome romantic lead for inexplicable reasons." Seriously, his head looks like a turd with ears.

He is utterly charming, Mr. Stitch. It's his hair that flops sideways and makes him look lopsided sometimes. He can act, but has only three facial expressions and four intonations, as long as the role calls for that, he is fine. And he is purty.

Nic Cage ought to be on this list.

Kate Bakingsale was pretty good in Snow Angels. And that movie had Sam Rockwell. So.

Jessica Biel always looks like she has the flu.

I'm in agreement about the poor man's Olyphant, however I must object for McConaughey. I think he's got chops that we've seen in Frailty and various lawyer movies like A Time to Kill. He's got it in him, people just forget that McConaughey don't give a fuuuuuuuuckkk. He's busy getting high and playing bongos to worry about getting an Oscar any time soon.

Scarlett Johannsen is a blight upon the world. And no, I don't care how her last name is spelled. She is a horrifically bad actress. I don't think she should even be CALLED an actress. That the voters chose to bestow an Antoinette Perry award on her tells me that they will give that thing to any goddamned Hollywood starlet who waltzes upon the boards on Broadway. That just made me fucking vomit.

You take back what you said about Kate Beckinsale right now! (Accept for the very pretty part)

Go eat a poopsicle, heathen.

Have you seen her Halloween outfits?
Her workout outfits?
Her killing werewolves outfits?
Her lounging in Cabo sipping mojitos outfits?

That is true talent.

And she's got a real British accent. Not that bullshit Paltrough accent.

How come Aniston never gets credit for "The Good Girl"? and "The Object of my affection"? She was fantastic in both.

Its not that I don't cringe whenever I see Jen play yet another Rachel role (because I really do). Its just that I don't see anyone offering her any sort of role other than The Rachel.

And since I started down the team Aniston road, its just the opposite with St. Ange: she gets offered all kinds of meaty interesting roles, and other than girl interrupted where she essentially played her bat shit crazy self-she's as 3 dimensional as my laptop screen.

@JuiceinLA:

It should be noted that Aniston was, from 2002 to 2006, a principal in something called Plan B Entertainment. She had plenty of opportunity during that time to advance more interesting projects for herself, and for some reason chose not to.

Consider her tarred. Or tired. Or both.

I agree with the Jan Jones love. She IS definitely vacuous in real life, but she is perfect as Betty. I don't know how people can give Natalie Portman a fucking golden globe when her version of subtle acting was not talking at all and give January shit.

Also, if Scarlette didn't have big tits she'd have been a one time guest on law and order. that's it.

Reminds me of Burt Reynolds' career. Did some nice work early, came to the fork in the road (art or stardom?) and squatted Smokey and the Bandit out into the world. Lots of green down at that lowest common denominator

The truth is that most people on screen are performers, a bunch are just eye candy and a precious few are, in the highest sense of the word, actors.

@DoctorControversy,

I pray that you're joking about Serendipity. That movie redefines bad.

And what is Jessica Biel famous for? I know she's in movies, but I've never seen her in one. I only know her as the other Jessica in the Alba or Biel debate, the losing Jessica.

I always thought Natalie Portman was a terrible actress, but gets a pass for being very, very pretty and not an asshole.

Martin's right about January Jones and her skill as an actress, she's brilliant. I can't speak for her personality and the reality of who she is as a person, cause I have no way of knowing anything about that, and neither does anyone else who isn't a personal friend to the woman or a family member. Judging her on what Ashton Kutcher says is a mistake, though--she's not dumb enough to still be with him, if "dumb" and "talentless" is his complaint; plus she's creating a fantastic, complex Betty on Mad Men. Ashton Kutcher is doing...what, exactly? Twitter?

Halle Berry is making the most horrifying choices as far as roles are concerned, though she did get lucky once with Monster's Ball. I hate to do it, because we know she can be a star--but she's not the actress she really should be.

Matthew McConahey sorta gets a pass for "Frailty". He was quite good in that and I thought maybe he'd progress to doing more cerebral roles. Yeah.

I tolerated Scarlett Joho in "Vicky Christina Barcelona" because it was just such a good movie but yeah, boobs.

I keep waiting for the punchline to the Kate Hudson joke.

I thought ScarJo kind of ruined Vicky Christina Barcelona. I thought she was distractingly awful. At the time I thought the character was just supposed to be vapid and terrible and annoying, but she's the same in every movie so it's kind of hard to tell. Makes me wonder how the movie would have been with a different actress.

Aniston was really good in Friends With Money. I know the tabloids make her out to be a sad cat lady so she's unlikely to pick roles like that very often, but I thought she did a really great job with that role.
I'd kind of like to see her as a vicious bitch of a wedding planner or something. Enough with the sweetheart crap.

What Cat said about Jonathan Rhys Meyers is... well I don't agree about JRM but it totally applies to Mark Wahlberg. I hate when he plays nice guys because there's something really creepy and molestery about him when he does that. He makes me feel squirmy in a bad way.

I think some of these simply fall victim to poor film choices. I've seen McConaughey act, just not recently. Butler too. But then, I liked Reign of Fire a lot and McConaughey's character in particular. Beckinsale isn't the hack her recent roles have made her seem. Even Biel can pull it off if she got decent role. While I agree Biel needs to shut up, I also think she either doesn't pick em well, or like she said, she doesn't get offered good roles. The death the other day of the female lead from Last Tango, Maria Schneider, reinforces Biel's poorly worded argument. Schneider could not get a role after that film that didn't include extensive nude scenes.

I just think there are too many variables in how a good role is made to just say the actor sucks. There's so much "who you know" or how good your agent is or how well you sell yourself.

I think the biggest factor is the power of "Hollywood" itself. How hard would it be to turn down a Michael Bay splodefest if you were a newish actor trying to get a foot in for "real" acting roles? Is Michael Bay likely to hi-light your acting abilities over his splosions? Nah. Should a good actor overcome that and friggin own the role? Hell yeah, but they can't all be Nicholson.

I can't believe that after all of these comments I have to be the one to say it.

Halle Berry.

No talent AT ALL. Won an Oscar for one of the most cringe-inducing performances EVER put to film. And pretty much banks on the fact that she is pretty and can't keep a man - that's right, I went there.

Seriously, she is terrible. Here's something, the next time a movie with her in it is on. Close your eyes and just listen to her speak. You will see what I mean. It's like watching the female equivalent of Kevin Costner or some other person who should have made a career out of playing corpses.

She is the most God AWFUL star to EVER be lauded by Hollywood. Well, ok, maybe not THE most. I almost forgot about Tyler Perry.

Coupla things, not really related:

1. Van Helsing was so bad that I kept mentally reminding myself that Kate Bakingsale went to Oxford, just because I could not fathom the depths of her shallowness...

2. Everybody knows that Barry Watson was the hottest part of 7th Heaven, obvs.

3. Mcconnaughey was near-unrecognizable in Reign of Fire, and for that I thank him.

4. Is it bad that I feel that Natalie Portman's actually a fantastically shitty and wooden actress who's pulling an incredible con on us all, cackling maniacally while she sits with her ballerinafetus a la the Virgin Mary but on piles of money?

You had to include anniston and sienna miller, the ultimate waste of oxygen on this planet.