web
counter
 

7 Wildly But Inexplicably Successful Directors You Wouldn't P*ss On if They Were on Fire

By Dustin Rowles | Posted Under Box Office Round-Ups | Comments (21)



BRETT-RATNER-BUTT.jpg

This weekend’s box-office tallies was a real treat for anyone that relishes in others’ unfounded, unfathomable, unexplained and obscene success, as three of the worst but inexplicably most successful directors of the generation had movies in the top 10. Dennis Dugan continued to add to his $914 million lifetime domestic total, as Jack and Jill opened at number two this weekend. If there was a God, Jack and Jill’s $26 million opening ought to be enough to kill him. Meanwhile, one of the world’s worst people, Brett Ratner, directed the movie sitting at number four, Tower Heist, which added another $13 million in its second weekend. For the trifecta: Shawn Levy’s Real Steel, in its sixth week, clung to the top ten, bringing that movie’s overall total to $81 million.

You can fail upwards, folks. Don’t let anyone tell you different. To prove it, here are the 7 Wildly But Inexplicably Successful Directors You Wouldn’t P*ss On if They Were on Fire.


Brian Robbins: Sample Works: Meet Dave, Norbit, The Shaggy Dog, Good Burger.

Lifetime Total: $310 million

Steve Carr: Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Are We Done Yet?, Daddy Day Care and Rebound.

Lifetime Total: $487 million

Brian Levant: Sample Work: Snow Dogs, Are We There Yet?, Problem Child 2, The Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas.

Lifetime Total: $495 million

Adam Shankman: Sample Work: Bedtime Stories, The Pacifier, Bringing Down the House, The Wedding Planner

Lifetime Total: $659 million

Dennis Dugan: Sample Works: Jack and Jill, Just Go With It, Benchwarmers, Grown Up, You Don’t Mess with the Zohan, I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry

Lifetime Total: $914 million

Shawn Levy: Sample Work: Real Steel, Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian, The Pink Panther, Cheaper by the Dozen, Just Married

Lifetime Total: $933 million

Brett Ratner: Sample Work: Tower Heist, Rush Hour 3, X-Men: The Last Stand, Rush Hour 2, The Red Dragon

Lifetime Total: $1 billion

———

Yet, there was some small solace in noting that neither of those three scored the number one movie this weekend. Immortals opened with $32 million to take that spot, a feather in the cap of Tarsem Singh, a fantastic director, but a terrible storyteller. All things considered, I’ll concede that his directing style made up for the lack of substance in all three of his films, The Cell, The Fall and now Immortals. He’s handling directing duties on Mirror, Mirror, the dark and twisted version of Snow White starring Julia Roberts, Lily Collins, and Sean Bean, and after witnessing the last half hour of Immortals, I admit I’m now more stoked about Mirror, Mirror than I am about Charlize Theron and Kristen Stewart’s Snow White and the Huntsman, although that one, too, looks heavy on style and light on substance. Henry Cavill was pretty great in Immortals, too, but I can’t help but think he looks like the bastard love child of a three-way between Michael Fassbender, Jared Leto and Jim Sturgess.

Other things happened at the box office this weekend, too. For instance, Puss in Boots is quietly becoming quite a hit with the kids, falling only 22 percent in its third week, adding another $25 million to its total, which now stands at $108 million. Clint Eastwood’s J. Edgar, however, fell short of expectations, raking in a meager $11 million and turning off critics in the process (and totally screwing up my Oscar Predictions, which seriously need to be modified in light of J. Edgar’s reception).

Anything else worth noting? Eh, not really: Lars Von Trier’s Melancholia had the highest per theater average of all releases this weekend with $14,000 per screen. Seth will actually have that review up tomorrow and judging by emails I’ve received, I wouldn’t expect a rave.









Each Time You Like, Share, Tweet or Stumble a Pajiba Post, An Angel Does the Paul Rudd Dance



Teacher Man by Frank McCourt | Hope Yet for Storytellers: Rome Sweet Rome Film Deal









Comments

Isn't Charlize Theron in the Kristen Stewart Snow White flick? Not the Julia Roberts one? Or am I misreading that?

Posted by: firestarter at November 14, 2011 12:05 AM

I'm really reconsidering Jack and Jill after reading Armond White's review. He compares it favourably to Lubitsch and talks of its "unflinching emotional honesty". Sounds positively capital!

Posted by: Arran at November 14, 2011 2:51 AM

You lost me at "bastard love child of a three-way between Michael Fassbender, Jared Leto and Jim Sturgess." Now I'll be useless for the rest of the day, nay, week.

Posted by: cinekat at November 14, 2011 3:11 AM

I couldn't have picked a better week to skip the movies and watch UFC 1 instead. Sure, the Velasquez/Dos Santos fight sucked, but at least it was an epic disaster rather than the tedious, predictable shitpiles turned out by Shawn Levy, Bret Ratner, and Dennis fucking Dugan.

Posted by: Devil Child at November 14, 2011 3:12 AM

If we're being brutally honest, I might actually tie Adam Shankman to a tree, set his shoes on fire, and dare passersby to piss on him. What bothers me about Shankman (and all the other directors on this list) is that he buys into the hyped-up quality of his own films, especially the dance pictures that he only produces/choreographs. In fact, if you looked at all of Shankman's work as a whole, not restricting it to the films he's directed, it's a big ol' pile of elephant dung.

Another common trait among more than a few of these directors: arrested adolescence. If Shankman actually aspires to be Miley Cyrus's BFF, I don't care if he's gay, there is something straight-up creepy about that.

Posted by: Jerry at November 14, 2011 4:10 AM


Armond White : film critic :: Brett Ratner : Film director

Posted by: Smatt584 at November 14, 2011 4:38 AM

Add Spielberg to the list.

Posted by: morgaen at November 14, 2011 4:54 AM

And Markus Nispel.

Posted by: FabMax at November 14, 2011 7:14 AM

I think at this point Adam Sandler could just film himself taking a shit for two hours and people would still flock to the theater by the millions to see it. I mean, that is, in essence, what Jack and Jill is, right? So, there you go.

Posted by: figgy at November 14, 2011 7:45 AM

I'd say there are two more things worth noting. Indie films Martha Marcy May Marlene and Like Crazy took in a half million dollars each at the box office during their first big expansions. That's huge for unpleasant politicized indie films carried by the weight of unknown actresses and lacking any big name draws. That is, of course, unless you count recent Academy Award nominees John Hawkes and Jennifer Lawrence or Charlie Bartlett star Anton Yelchin. I doubt you do.

Posted by: Robert at November 14, 2011 7:48 AM

I'm giving Brian Robbins a pass because he directed Hardball. Go ahead, I defy you to tell me that Keanu Reeves wasn't touching in his eulogy to G-Baby. He does have some really good moments in his movies.

As for the rest of them and the hack writers that service them, SOMEBODY has to direct shitty movies,they can't ALL be good.

Posted by: kirbyjay at November 14, 2011 9:37 AM

I guess Lucas is in a category all his own.

Posted by: eman at November 14, 2011 9:47 AM

Thank you for this.

No really. I have to hear everyday about how success is a matter of talent or hard work or some other such bullshit. Now I can just show this post and shut these people up.

Than again, I think they actually like some of these films, so that might not work.

Posted by: Vermillion at November 14, 2011 9:47 AM

If nothing else these "directors" prove that the "Fuckwits With Money" demographic is more than just a niche market- unfortunately.

Posted by: bleujayone at November 14, 2011 10:01 AM

Either it's a sign of the End Times, or it's just Sturgeon's Law [90% of everything is crap].

Posted by: OldSchool60 at November 14, 2011 11:12 AM

Shut up about Adam Shankman! I lurve him. He's a fantastic judge on SYTYCD, he actually knows what he's talking about and isn't afraid of actual criticism.

Maybe, I'm the demographic for those dance movies you guys hate, but at least he's (one of a few) bringing "street dance"/dancing into the mainstream. The acting for the "Step Up" series is terrible, but the dancing is AM-azing.

Posted by: kilmo at November 14, 2011 11:56 AM

Where's Michael Bay? He should definitely be on this list!

Posted by: ddamaged at November 14, 2011 1:46 PM

Don't you be bad mouthin' Problem Child 2!

Posted by: Alex00 at November 14, 2011 2:49 PM

Why is Tyler Perry not on this list?

Posted by: maddermonk at November 14, 2011 6:37 PM

I don't know what The Immortals is or what it's about and I don't care. Yes I do but not enough to investigate. I've been really paying attention to movie releases lately...

Posted by: Candy at November 15, 2011 12:14 AM

Thanks for one's marvelous posting! I truly enjoyed reading it, you may be a great author.I will be sure to bookmark your blog and definitely will come back very soon. I want to encourage yourself to continue your great job, have a nice weekend!

Posted by: sugar daddy in Los Angeles at November 26, 2011 3:58 AM