So, I mean: F**k Amazon. Obviously. And f**k Jeff Bezos.
Okay, nothing’s black and white, and I understand there might be some people who live in very remote rural areas for whom Amazon is the only affordable and realistic delivery option for a variety of necessary goods?
That out of the way, back to the matter at hand: F**k Amazon. Goddamn anti-labour, personal-data-vacuuming, military-industrial-complex-enabling, monopolistic capitalist behemoth presided over by a walking, talking, smirking embodiment of everything wrong with the grotesque wealth divide immiserating billions.
But hey! At least they make it easy. To spot the villainy. We’ve known for a while that Amazon have been developing delivery drones. But to see them in action, spouting forth from an ominously hovering blimp with that all-conquering smile plastered over it like so many dystopian cliches about repressive regimes and their anti-rebellion drones… Well. It’s a hell of a sight.
This right here is borderline dystopian pic.twitter.com/otXBLShtdd— ok g (@g_awd) March 31, 2019
in 15 years this amazon blimp will be smiling down on us as it realeases its drones to kill deemed enemies of the state, which would now be owned by amazon https://t.co/zEYp7HUfYT— [b]🥵 (@hmmstb) April 2, 2019
New series of Black Mirror looks good 👀 pic.twitter.com/ECaWYR2Obo— Matt Zarb-Cousin (@mattzarb) April 2, 2019
someone do an edit of the amazon blimp disgorging its drone spider babies, soundtracked by “The Blimp” by Captain Beefheart.— Gemma Hallam (@badhedgehog) April 2, 2019
i can’t be arsed.
This blimp will one day disgorge these drones over your house. And from there, they will hunt you wherever you go. You will buy from them. Or you will die by their whirring rotors, turned into a protein shake, or jewelry, or simple code. https://t.co/4xNIVqOx9a— Chuck Wendig (@ChuckWendig) April 2, 2019
Now I want to see some CG of an Amazon blimp gently wafting over a suburban neighborhood like a Man 'o War, dozens of clean white tentacles lazily placing packages on doorsteps— Les Orchard (@lmorchard) April 2, 2019
But don’t worry!
It’s all fake. The terrifying vision of a bloated hovering deity delivering a hyper-convenient consumerist paradise to all whether they like it or not is just a mock-up done by a video artist. Yes indeed, according to Gizmodo:
The fake Amazon mothership was created by a video production artist in Hiroshima, Japan who goes by the Twitter handle zozi009. As you can see from their renderings, the Amazon blimp and drones were created using nothing more than a computer.
午後のネタバレ。信じてる人は皆無だろうけど一応。thetaVでHDRI作ってそのままライティングした。後ろに余計なものも入れてみたけどあまり気づかれてない模様。 pic.twitter.com/o4P8z5agz9— zozi(厳島神社の人） (@zozi009) April 1, 2019
The blimp design is based on a patent that Amazon acquired in 2016.
More from Gizmodo:
The Amazon blimp is theoretically supposed to act as an “aerial fulfillment center” that sends out drones for package delivery. The idea, according to Amazon’s patent, is to deliver goods to large groups of people who are in a relatively small area, like at a sports stadium or music festival. Amazon hasn’t attempted to build it, as far as we know. At least not yet.
So everything’s fine. Nowt to worry about. Hey, I wonder what deals are on Amazon today?
Header Image Source: Twitter