The Old Fashioned is a classic cocktail that’s been re-invented in various ways. Maybe you’ll favor bourbon over whiskey. Maybe you prefer brown sugar to simple syrup or Orange Bitters to Angostura Bitters. Perhaps—like one exciting bartender I witnessed recently—you not only lace the drink with a squeeze of orange rind oil, you also ignite that oil for a bit of rim-rubbing panache! Or perhaps you do whatever is happening here.
im losing my fucking mind pic.twitter.com/zzdo8kYoKf— Turing Police (@turing_police) May 30, 2019
In this rediscovered bit of internet mayhem, Mahalo.com’s Ja Nee Nisonger has a recipe all her own. She suggests using sugar cubes instead of simple syrup if you don’t want your cocktail too “liquidy.” She employs a big, honking ready-for-soccer-game break time orange slice instead of a thin slice or the shaved peel. Then she muddles the orange, the sugar cube, and two maraschino cherries—not with a muddler, mind you—but with the back of a dingy, wooden spoon. I mean, we haven’t even gotten to how she chooses to blend her ingredients or her questionable eyeballing of 3 ounces of bourbon and already there are some CHOICES being made here.
Naturally, Twitter had thoughts. Here are the highlights from the replies to the tweet above.
this is just gonna be booze snobs complaining again because she used the wrong bourbonor somethinf right?….seems like a big glass though….wai…woah, woah….WOAH— Rapidly Deafening Festival Bartender 🔊 (@Larry_Famine) May 30, 2019
why did they change cameras and cut to her pouring out nothing— positively bonkers (@Boiledjeans1) May 30, 2019
The empty bitters bottle was a nice touch to set up the atmosphere…— The Žižek Vore Fetish Account (NSFW) (@SvetaPinto) May 30, 2019
There were no bitters? And she didn’t stop she just… pretended they were there?— Vik (@PseudoVikram) May 30, 2019
Using another glass as her ice scoop!! Noooooo!! “Why yes I’d like the possibility of glass shards with my drink” 🤦🏻♂️— David Butsch (@mixmaster34) May 30, 2019
My kinda drink, alcohol on the table— The Dude (@ClaytonTheCat) May 30, 2019
Watching her “mix” the drink took 5 years off my life— fiona apple neck tattoo (@coolstableboy) May 30, 2019
I would be totally fine with this in any airport, hotel or casino bar provided it cost less than $7.— Ricky Billingsgate (@ambivalentricky) May 30, 2019
Me (softly): oh no no n
Bartender: *adds 7.5 oz rail bourbon*
Me (softly): yeeeeeeeee
Mahalo is Hawaiian for alcohol poisoning— tom (@abushofghosts) May 30, 2019
This triggered my fight or flight response— Trash Bandit (@SeraphimTrash) May 30, 2019
And that’s not all!
This woman makes some top notch cocktails! pic.twitter.com/IAOMQMWQ5T— juni (@okapiden) May 30, 2019
Want to fall down a rabbit hole of questionable cocktail recipes? Mahalo’s got you covered.
Header Image Source: Twitter