I would like for you to take some time out of your day and watch this video. As you watch, please keep guessing what in the actual f*ck is being promoted here.
got another capitalism greatest hit. i will give you one hundred thousand dollars if you can guess the brand by the end pic.twitter.com/bwfJJLabg4— Ryan Simmons (@rysimmons) June 27, 2019
OKAY, NO ONE GUESSED THAT AND IF YOU DID THEN YOU CHEATED AND LOOKED IT UP. In Slack earlier today the guesses ranged from Cotton to the NRA (me) to Gillette. We were all so very wrong but you will be pleased to know that it is an actual ad used by Subway in Brazil three years ago.
The ad has the emotional manipulation of car ads during the Super Bowl and the male-focused hubris of… car ads during the Super Bowl. That ending: “Everyday, life asks the same question: What are you going to try today?” does not make me feel like hopping in the car and driving to the nearest chain restaurant to grab a six-inch sub from a teenager that likely teabagged the mayo during the lull after the lunch rush. Do you know how it makes me feel?
It makes me feel like Subway understands no one goes there for the taste but for the ability to convince oneself that bread baked in-store and lunch meat is somehow healthier than other choices out there. Also, this dude that was a real asshole teen and ran off to find himself has now resigned himself to a 9-to-5 job where he purposely wears a beige jacket when leaving the house? Ugh. This sh*t is depressing and not at all aspirational, Subway Brazil. You’re pushing me further away from your sandwiches and closer to my one true love Taco Bell.
The Bell knows that you choose them out of desperation and self-loathing and doesn’t pretend to be healthy. I would also fully love it if Taco Bell made their own version of this commercial but it ended with the protagonist eating a steak quesadilla alone in his unfurnished, disheveled apartment as he stares forlornly at photos taken during his youth. That’s how you hit an emotional nerve with customers, Subway. You hit them where they really live.
Header Image Source: Orion Pictures