President Donald Trump embarrassed the United States in front of the world again, when he chose to take the word of ruthless Russian dictator Vladimir Putin over the reports gathered by American intelligence services. True to form, Trump changed course when that didn’t go over great with the American public. So, then he claimed he meant to say the exact opposite of what he did actually say, and also “THERE WAS NO COLUSION.” [sic]
While our government is a terrifying laughingstock, at least we can take to social media to lampoon and pronounce the emperor has no clothes. Here’s Twitter dunking on Trump’s latest pathetic lie.
"And when I said 'grab them by the pussy' I obviously meant 'I am a fan of Ruth Bader Ginsburg' and other high-achieving women."— Natalia Antonova (@NataliaAntonova) July 17, 2018
Obviously I meant to say that I find my wife's best friend LESS attractive than her. I checked the transcript and apparently there was some confusion when I said "My wife's best friend absolutely SMOKES my garbage spouse."— snddoɥ ʞɹɐɯ 🏳️🌈 (@markhoppus) July 17, 2018
“Luke? …. I misspoke yesterday. I meant to say I’m NOT your father.” pic.twitter.com/bkjrGLQI3j— Mark Suster (@msuster) July 18, 2018
Socrates: "I misspoke. I meant to say I WOULDN'T want hemlock! And the unexamined life IS worth living."— Nolen Gertz (@ethicistforhire) July 17, 2018
"I meant to say, 'I will NOT faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States and will NOT, to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.'"— Jon Zal (@OfficialJonZal) July 17, 2018
i obviously meant to shout "I DON'T OBJECT" sorry that i ruined your wedding— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) July 17, 2018
"I meant to say I DIDN'T try and fuck her. I DIDN'T move on her like a bitch. She’s NOT got the big phony tits. I better NOT use some Tic Tacs just in case I DON'T start kissing her. When you’re a star,they DON'T let you do it. You CAN'T do anything. DON'T grab ‘em by the pussy."— Jon Cooper 🌊 (@joncoopertweets) July 17, 2018
"Where were you the night of Oct. 12?"— Ken Tremendous (@KenTremendous) July 18, 2018
"I was out murdering eight people."
"A-ha! We got you!"
"Wait. Hang on."
*TWENTY-SEVEN HOURS LATER*
"Let me clarify. I meant to say I WASN'T out murdering eight people."
"Dangit. Okay. You're free to go."
“I misspoke; I meant to say do *not* kill the newborn boys of Bethlehem” pic.twitter.com/naB56IClL8— Sjoerd Levelt (@SLevelt) July 18, 2018
What else is Trump going to flip on after his trip? “I said it was a great honor to meet Queen Elizabeth; what I meant to say is she’s a thirsty little diva.”— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) July 18, 2018
God: I misspoke. I meant to say “Thou shalt not commit adultery *unless* it’s with a porn star.”— Jon Cooper 🌊 (@joncoopertweets) July 18, 2018
I have been misspeaking all this time.— Tananarive Due (@TananariveDue) July 17, 2018
I have been saying that Tr*mp is a racist, misogynist, corrupt liar.
What I meant to say is that Tr*mp is a racist, misogynist, corrupt, lying COWARD.
Omg that's how Melania can get out of the marriage… "I meant to say 'i don't.' That should clear up a few things."— Bob The Drag Queen (@thatonequeen) July 18, 2018
I misspoke. I meant to say I “wouldn’t” be right here waiting for you.— Richard Marx (@richardmarx) July 18, 2018
"I meant to say 'Rosebudn't'." [dies]— Greg "Fantomas" F. (@FantomasCinema) July 18, 2018