Hey, so you know how April Fool’s Day sucks? Because it does. It really, really does. And I was just informing my fellow Overlords of something to that effect this morning. Basically, my argument boils down to “I am funny and a good liar, and April Fools makes a mockery of both. It asks unfunny people to tell unconvincing lies so that other people will be ‘tricked’ by irrelevant news. It’s a holiday for children that adults have taken over, and they don’t even have the good sense to make it sexy. It’s the worst.” Also, I really don’t appreciate people misusing lying. Treat deception with a little more respect.
Having said all that, beautiful bastard Petr stumbled onto an amazing truth. Ironically, April Fool’s is the only day where everyone questions everything they read on the internet. Wouldn’t it be great if we could somehow make that stick during the rest of the year?
It’s not that April Fool’s Day sucks. It’s that it sucks in its current iteration. We don’t want to celebrate the day because it makes us look like gullible idiots. We will celebrate the day because we are idiots no more!
Because, if we’re getting real, the idea of tricking someone into believing wildly absurd nonsense with no factual basis and virtually no evidence became a lot less fun after November 2016. Instead of it being the sign of someone going to great lengths to pull off a massive prank, it became “Uncle Kevin is Facebooking again” (yes, I have a real Uncle Kevin, and yes, he’s an idiot on Facebook. What’s up, Kev?). Also to be fair, the readership here might not have fallen for PizzaGate, but I’d be willing to believe we’ve all purchased our fair share of acai berries, yes? Like, we were probably going to indulge in dark chocolate and wine anyway, but we totes felt better after reading that they’ve got powerful antioxidants.
So let’s change April Fool’s Day to April Fool’s Don’t Fuck With That Bullshit Anymore Day. Sing like no one’s listening, dance like no one’s watching, and read the internet like every day is April Fool’s because, by god, there is a lot of garbage out there.