I’m having Taco Bell for dinner tonight because I hate myself and love fast, easy “Mexican” food. So when Kristy alerted us in the Slack Channel that there is a limited time Taco Bell Hotel & Resort in Palm Springs, I got super jealous. Then I read Taco Bell’s blurb about it and got a little less excited because Dad Jokes, but then? SUPER JEALOUS AGAIN.
Get ready for “Bell” hops and Baja Blast, Fire Sauce and Sauce Packet floaties, because The Bell: A Taco Bell Hotel and Resort is opening for a limited time in Palm Springs, CA this August, meant for superfans 18 years and older. Complete with exclusive Taco Bell hotel menu items and plenty of surprises, The Bell is sure to add a spicy twist to your summer. So pack your swimsuit, mark your calendars and start the countdown, because The Bell: A Taco Bell Hotel & Resort is about to make all of your taco dreams come true.
Exclusive menu items? Surprises? SAUCE FLOATIES?? Sign me up! I… oh. It’s all sold out. I suppose we will have to look into what might have been my weekend vacation destination if I were richer, faster, and richer.
Prices for the hotel ranged from $169 per night for a King Standard room up to $299 for Two Queens and a pool view. Included with every room is a complimentary stocked mini-fridge, free valet parking for one car, all of the usual hotel accouterments, and access to the Fitness Center. I hope they renamed the exercise area the Fitness Whole Meximelt In My Mouth Center.
Twitter user Shay Spence, food editor for People and owner of a righteous Dad ‘stache, had the chance to stay in the hotel. (WHAT THE HELL, DUSTIN? WE COULD HAVE PRETENDED I WAS A FOOD EDITOR.)
I’m at the Taco Bell Hotel. pic.twitter.com/JcRHfOXPUh— Shay Spence (@chezspence) August 8, 2019
It looks like the room has complimentary bags of tortilla chips flavored with their hot sauce, one wall painted to make it look like the Taco Bell in your town that got a mini-makeover, and some branded stuff you can buy to remember your weekend with Fire Sauce. That one weekend, where the two of you took it to the next level and got down and dirty in a marketing ploy hotel. MEMORIES, STAINING THE POORLY-CHOSEN WHITE SHEET SETS ON THE BED!
Do you like booze that includes Mountain Dew and popsicles?
Hot sauce pool floats!!!! pic.twitter.com/7oFXYiFOjs— Shay Spence (@chezspence) August 8, 2019
As you can see, I wasn’t wrong about that majestic mustache at all. So, besides lounging on a hot sauce packet pool float, what else can you do at the Taco Bell Hotel & Resort (unsurprisingly, also the name of Wes Anderson’s next movie)?
You can get your nails done at the Taco Bell Salon! Choose from their logo or, uh, maybe spilled nacho cheese design?
You can watch movies in the pool! Need snacks? TACO BELL!
We’re bringing the #TacoBellHotel to you.— Taco Bell (@tacobell) July 30, 2019
Do you just want to drink? THEY HAVE BARS WITH TACO BELL!
Want room service? TACO. BELL.
In closing, Taco Bell Hotel and Resort is really catering to the people that make it profitable: Californians with money instead of poor people with questionable drinking habits throughout the United States. Damn them.