We haven’t created a “Web Culture: Stupid Thing” category yet, but I think I might need to lobby for one. Because this is a very stupid web thing.
A few days ago someone decided to start a #HowToConfuseAMillennial hashtag. Because that’s what you want. That’s what you gotta do. Walk into the area where literally millions of millennials hang, and start talking shit. It started off innocently enough.
Turn off their autocorrect #HowToConfuseAMillennial— #Jesus (@TheLordHasSpoke) September 4, 2016
Ha-Hah! See it’s funny because we Millennials don’t know how to use obsolete technology!
Except we do. Because the older members of the Millennial Generation do in fact remember using rotary phones. Some of us even graduated high school without owning our own computers. I point this out not just to be a dick (although I do like to be a dick whenever possible), but to highlight a fundamental misunderstanding in this particular instance of Old People vs. Young People: “Millennial” doesn’t just mean “annoying young person.” It also means that all of the 35-year-olds complaining about Millennials don’t understand what time is.
And then of course things went from gentle ribbing to “We Still Think We Might Win This Argument” level insults.
#HowToConfuseAMillennial explain to them how raising the minimum wage will increase the cost of their daily latte.— Daniel Snyder (@danmsnyder) September 4, 2016
I mean, I’m pretty sure as many Millennials understand basic economics as much as older generations. We just hear the argument that “giving employees health care will add $0.14 to your pizza,” and we’re like “OK.”
And then it got really sexist:
And really “anti-PC”:
Put a Trigger Warning on a Safe Space. #HowToConfuseAMillennial— Dave Rubin (@RubinReport) September 4, 2016
Drop them off in the vast wilderness with a .22 Long rifle, a box of shells, a Bowie knife and say good luck.— Whitey McPrivilege (@yankeebrit77) September 4, 2016
And OK, so that’s less about confusing someone ages 18 - 34, and more about contriving a very complicated murder plot.
At this point, in a surprise to no one, the Millennials used the social media they’re accused of being on too much to ridicule those that were calling them out.
#HowToConfuseAMillennial Redistribute all wealth to top 1% while they're kids then call them Commies when they try to redistribute it back.— Andy Kirn (@AndyKirn) September 4, 2016
Cut veteran's benefits, oppose increase in military pay and pretend like Colin Kaepernick is disrespecting troops.#HowToConfuseAMillennial— Charles Clymer (@cmclymer) September 4, 2016
Keep wages stagnant as productivity increases and tell people they're not rich because they're lazy. #HowtoConfuseAMillennial— #NoDAPL (@BlackAutonomist) September 4, 2016
I'm already confused. I didn't know this many old people used Twitter. #HowToConfuseAMillennial— chase crawford (@chsecrwfrd) September 4, 2016
Now, I’m a youngish, bleeding heart liberal, so I tend to agree more with the third group of texts than the first two (especially that one about rebooting The Running Man. Let’s not do that), but mostly as I said before, all of this is stupid. Because the only thing older than the people complaining about young people is the actual act of old people complaining about young people. Or young people complaining about how old people just don’t get it. We’ve even had it memorialized in song.
If anything, all the stupidity is a little reassuring. The Baby Boomers saw some of the biggest social and political changes of the past century. Generation X saw uncertainty and turmoil, and the Millennials lived through the most revolutionary technological developments the world has seen. And yet, despite the age difference, the political differences, the changing worldviews. We. All. Become. Our. Parents.
Just your daily update in “We’re All Going To Die Someday” news.