And Now, Presented Without Comment, a Completely Normal Example of a Human Male Trying to Find a Female Companion

By Petr Knava | Social Media | September 16, 2020 |

View this post on Instagram

So, my family have decided I need a girlfriend for my own sanity and health…so here’s my criteria 😅 Ok - Let’s start this off like I’m normal: Strong nice loving personality ✅ Now to more important things: You must like older men but only me…You have to be a worldie and above 30 (Ok 28 29 could work) but not my age as that would just look weird 🤷‍♂️ you must like to travel and to fly business class and stay in incredible hotels. Be prepared to give up your career or job or at least be able to work from a laptop on a tropical beach somewhere. You will need to spend the summer in ibiza and the winter in Dubai with 2 weeks in Uk for Christmas and new year with the families and holidays to the Maldives…No baggage as mine are all grown up. A dog is acceptable but will need a passport. You must be able to cook as I love cooking, especially Waitrose ready made meals. You also don’t need to be verified I can sort that for you.. house music and R&B lovers only. No heavy rock or pop music. You must like Netflix especially money heist and also real crime. No chick flicks watch them with your mates. You need to be confident enough to be able to go to the front of the queue in nightclubs and accept a table and free drinks from the owners. You will need a driving license to share a Bentley and a Lamborghini Jeep (pending) ..you must never have shared a teeth whitening post!! I’m not on any dating sites you shouldn’t be too. I’m Not on only fans so you shouldn’t be too . You must love the gym, health food and have body definition as I will have soon. Accept and love my children and grandchildren and realise no more kids for me.. (never say never though) you must be able to let my PA @davehodges10 book all yours and our flights and purchase items online for you. You just need to send a link to him ..You must be able to accept my friends even @tonytrumanibiza as I will accept yours … accept I have to reply to girls DMs not just guys… One last thing. Your geography needs to be on point as girls that think Lincoln is in Wales is not good. Be intelligent but not boring. Outgoing suits 🧡 #wifeywhereyouat #banter #real

A post shared by Wayne Lineker (@waynelineker) on Sep 15, 2020 at 8:45am PDT

Has Wayne Lineker been hacked or is he just being himself. Hard to say. pic.twitter.com/zleWRLaoJy
— Alice Tew (@BuckinghamAlice) September 15, 2020

Imagine being 28 tellin ur mum and dad youve got a new fella and ya bring wayne lineker home https://t.co/8sOPFvWCQC
— Danny (@DannySumner7) September 16, 2020

Interviewer: Wayne, describe your ideal woman.

Wayne: Well, I suppose I'm looking for the usual stuff you know, someone who won't get attached to anything they aren't willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if they feel the heat around the corner.

Interviewer: …
— 𝕁𝕠𝕖 𝕁𝕠𝕪𝕔𝕖 (@JosephBJoyce) September 16, 2020

← 'Last Week Tonight' Keeps Emmy Streak Alive | 10 Films We Can't Wait To See At NYFF 2020 →