And Now: Otto the World-Record-Holding Skateboarding Dog
The best thing about dogs is everything.
I’m not even gonna bother to link to all the other gushing crap I’ve written about our four-legged furry betters.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let’s talk about Otto.
Otto is a bulldog from Lima, Peru, and a few years ago he became part of an incredibly important string of words:
This is Otto, he is a dog skateboarder and currently holds the record for largest human tunnel travelled in one sitting from r/gifs
Isn’t that just wonderful? The world is such an unforgiving shithole so often that it’s just a relief to know that sometimes it can cough up things like a sentence like that.
‘Otto is a dog skateboarder who currently holds the record for skating down a human tunnel.’
That’s just divine. Think of all the things that have had to come together to forge that slice of heaven. First, humanity had to crawl out of the ooze. We had to actually be first, and in a universe unfuckingbelivably overwhelmingly filled with N O L I F E, that was not in any reality a guarantee. But we managed it. Then we had to experience that supremely improbable quantum leap of processing power that allowed our brain to become the most devastating WMD of all time. Using that, at some point we had to take a break from refining machines of death of resource extraction to just pause a minute, take a hit of a nice spliff, and invent the skateboard. All this while all the while taking a few thousand years to transform the snarling fangs of savage death at the end of our campfires into the cuddliest, loving-est, most devoted balls of unconditional affection ever! We also had to go completely mental and oh-so-typically-human gene obsessed and start mixing and matching these new dog things to breed specific—often cruel—traits into their offspring, and to create a plethora of cartoonish butstillverycute varieties. And then. And then at one point it all had to collide and coalesce into a beautiful, inexplicable, improbable whole.
A breed, that we called a bulldog—with its low centre of gravity and wide, steady base—met its owner’s skateboard and fell in love. That was it. A thing that really didn’t have to happen, but it did. A dog met a skateboard, and fell in love. A bulldog met a skateboard, and fell in love. And then got really fuckin’ good at it!
I just love the fact that dogs have such specific personalities. That all animals do, really. But dogs are just extra wild to observe as they grow up, as they develop—basically—hobbies, and passions, and phobias. It’s one of the great joys of this world that that happens. Because just look at Otto go!
Another great joy is this sentence found in the Wiki entry for ‘skateboarding dog’:
Dogs cannot grind, and they also usually struggle with flips.
Thank you for your service.
Header Image Source: YouTube
- With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility: Voting for the Pajiba 10 Begins Now
- Spoilers: Digging into the Runes Throughout ‘Midsommar,’ What the Hell They All Mean, and the Easter Eggs Ari Aster Hid Throughout
- By Erasing Oasis for a Cheap Joke, ‘Yesterday’ Also Does One of Its Only Female Characters a Disservice
- Review: Tom Holland Is Perfect In 'Spider-Man: Far From Home' Even as the Story Struggles
- On the Spectacular 'Evvie Drake Starts Over' and the Time NPR's Linda Holmes Twitter Shamed Me