I don’t know about you guys, but the jags around me started singing about how it’s the most wonderful time of the year way too early. People started it back in early December, when clearly the most wonderful time is when we’re t-minus six days before the premiere of the fifth and final season of You’re the Worst, the best show on right now. (But maybe the second best after The Good Place? Or third best after The Good Place and Atlanta? Maybe better than Atlanta, but not as good as Barry? But it’s definitely the best or the second best show, yes? Fuck it, I love You’re the Worst, is my point.) And given that we’re entering the most wonderful time of the year, we should probably do a quick rundown of how all of the characters have progressed over the seasons:
Is not the reason I’m here. He goes first because I can only love him as the object that Gretchen loves (a lot more on that later). He’s continued being mostly the worst, but showed a small bit of growth over the seasons. Most Improved Moment: he stayed. Least Improved Moment: he still smiled, actually smiled, when he heard that Gretchen was a mess after he left her on a hill after proposing to her. Which also means a Very Close Second Least Improved Moment: He left Gretchen on a hill after asking her to be his wife. He also wrote a second book and did some soul searching and was determined to at least fight for Gretchen or whatever. I don’t feel like he’s done much in the way of becoming less of a total ass, but Gretchen loves him, so fine. Whatever. I’m not here for Jimmy.
Edgar I’m having a much harder time with. On the one hand, he’s made some significant and important improvements as both a character and a human. Gut-punch-of-an-episode-from-Edgar’s-perspective-including-his-debilitating-battle-with-PTSD, I’m talking to you. But somewhere shortly after Dorothy left, it felt like Edgar was reduced to wacky-sidekick, and lost some of his humanity. He’s still reliably funny, and more obtuse than cruel, but that doesn’t play as well as it used to. No one is interested in a guy who’s a dick because he’s just oblivious about how big of a dick he is, you know? Still hopeful.
Dorothy, if you and your small notebook full of disparaging accounts of Gretchen and co. don’t make a reappearance in some sort of bestselling satire on LA culture, I will be very disappointed.
Paul, Becca and Vernon
Because none of you are important or interesting enough on your own, let’s talk about your very intricately woven futures. Becca is a hot mess who’s maybe sleeping with her gay BFF, and has become a crazy alt-right asshole who ignores her baby so she can day drink. Vernon probably killed a patient while dozing off during surgery. And Paul has become a full-on MRA creep who is admittedly still hotter than the passive-aggressive creep that he used to be (that is not my opinion, that is fact within the show as evidenced by both Gretchen and Jimmy). So? They’re going to have a baby together. Why? Because Lindsay told them to. Which, by the way …
Lindsay, sweetheart, you’re an idiot. You call sugar “sweet salt.” You thought the meals in the fridge at work were communal. You said Susan B Anthony died for feminism by making an airplane disappear. Also, YOU STABBED YOUR HUSBAND IN THE KIDNEY. Oh my god, I love you so much. No one should ever listen to you about anything, but I love you so goddamn much. Additionally, Lindsay is banging Edgar, but it’s supes caszh or whatever. Plus, she is legitimately kicking ass at her job, and has refrained from doing window crack. Things are looking up.
Speaking of looking up, Gretchen Cutler. She is why I’m here. You know it, I know it, imaginary character Gretchen herself knows it. I love her, and I’m not afraid to admit it in startlingly graphic detail. But I’m still not loving her choices, you know? Sure, Boone did kind of suck, but is Jimmy really the answer? What about some You Time, you know? Lindsay is busy busting ass at work, and busting different ass all over the place with Edgar. Could the two of you take some time for yourselves in some kind of Lady Pact? Don’t you remember how great Lindsay looked in her smart outfit? I mean, I understand that conceptually, the show has always been about Jimmy and Gretchen, and their often too realistic, if heightened, romance. But did we need this? Do we need a marriage?
Which is why we have to talk about sticking the landing. And if you think I mean sticking the landing in terms of “just get these crazy kids married so they can settle down and get happy because love solves everything,” you have been watching a very different, and considerably worse, show than I’ve been. Because on the show I’ve been watching, we all know that love and relationships, even marriage, are just another way that shit can get fucked.
No, what I mean is, ending this show in a way that doesn’t make rewatching the earlier seasons unbearable. Season four is one of the best seasons of TV I’ve ever seen. Episode one of season three might be my favorite twenty-two minutes of television ever. I will one day, when I’m strong enough to stomach it, rewatch “Not a Great Bet,” and it will gut me. The only thing I need from the world right now is one season of TV that is decent enough to not ruin my favorite season of TV. That’s it. That’s all I’m asking for. I’m willing to give you Marvelous Mrs. Maisel and Game of Thrones. God knows were not coming back from that one now. For the love of everything, TV gods, JUST DON’T SHERLOCK ME ON THIS. In the name of the remote and the cable and the full DVR, amen.
You’re the Worst season five premieres January 9th on FXX.