Queer Coupling Race 2023: We Have a Winner!

By Chris Revelle | TV | August 3, 2023 |

By Chris Revelle | TV | August 3, 2023 |

You may remember last week, when I wondered if What If We Do In the Shadows and The Righteous Gemstones were in a race to put their gays together first because I follow where the Gay Stuff goes. I felt I was seeing queer smoke and that where I found that, I would find queer fire! And I did! This metaphor is falling apart, so I’ll cut to the good stuff: Righteous Gemstones won! And so did we!

Spoilers for Righteous Gemstones season 3 on the other side of this gif.

When I wrote last week that Kelvin and Keefe, “don’t resolve things, not until they kiss really,” I was being a little playful, but lo and behold, that’s exactly what happened. I’m tempted to call myself a psychic, but I’ll find the humility to resist.

Anyway, after the daring rescue mounted by Gideon and May-May with an assist from the freshly-defected cousin Karl, we follow the Gemstone fail-children into the aftermath as they reckon with themselves, each other, and their father Eli. There are some understandably hurt feelings at Eli not being willing to pay and though Eli seems wounded by his children’s harsh words, he’s delighted that they’re united at last. This seems to settle well with the Gemstones and gives them the vim, verve, and confidence to strut into church to lead the Sunday service. We get separate scenes of Jesse and Judy reconciling with their spouses, but it’s in the hallways backstage at the Gemstone mega-church that we get some long-awaited resolution to the Kelvin and Keefe will-they-won’t-they.

As Jesse trucks down the hallway with a swagger and a half towards the camera, we see over each shoulder Judy and Kelvin in embraces with their beaus before they split off to join Jesse on his way to the stage. As they’re about to exit the hallway, Kelvin pauses their group and runs back to Keefe to lay one on him with all the joy of kissing your boyfriend in mixed company for the first time. We cut back to Jesse and Judy for their reactions and they both seem surprised, but not particularly shocked. They seem, dare I say it, happy for Kelvin, something that’s notable when you consider not only their evangelical beliefs but how every Gemstone kid is each other’s biggest antagonist. An exchange between Keefe and Kelvin in their amazing SMUT BUSTERS van shows a much more ecumenical and open-minded path for these two. They figure there are other ways to serve and honor God that doesn’t involve shaming sexuality, a concept that queer Christians grapple with at some time or another.

Does this sudden turn in religious belief for Kelvin feel a bit fast? Sure, a little, but I can see a logic to this: while they run an evangelical mega-church, the Gemstone kids are some of the least pious Christian people you’re likely to meet. Usually this gulf between what they preach and what they practice is shown in a negative light, but perhaps this is a strange silver lining to that hypocrisy; when the time came to choose faith or self-actualization, Kelvin appeared to realize he can live his truest queer self and still spread the good word. I’m agnostic myself, but I found Kelvin and Keefe’s epiphany very touching. The Gemstones make it easy to forget that Christ stood for love, charity, and what would be considered “radical wokeism” today before the layers of corruption were laid on.

So where do these two sweet queers go in the recently-confirmed season 4? We’ll find out, but I have some stray thoughts to spitball. By how they were talking at the end, it seems like Kelvin and Keefe could be striking out on their own either to create a less conservative wing of the Gemstone empire or maybe they’ll leave entirely to lead their own congregation. There will likely be some bigotry to overcome which is probably an understatement given their evangelical setting and I imagine Kelvin’s post-coming-out period will be fun. Maybe he’ll dress even more loudly, but I’m betting he and Keefe are in for a fun crash course in queer culture. I also wonder if someone will blame our sweet guys’ queer love for the seemingly Biblical plague of locusts that descended at the end of season 3. Evangelicals love to blame the gays for just about any disaster you can think of. According to Pat Robertson (who must be learning it’s toasty in Hell), my attraction to other men can summon hurricanes and earthquakes, so who knows what Kelvin and Keefe’s kiss will be blamed for?

While this Queer Coupling Race is over, What We Do in the Shadows still has the remainder of its season to get Gizmo and Nandor together and who knows what other shows will give us Gay Stuff this year. I look forward to the new stories The Righteous Gemstones can tell with this development and I look forward to more shows doing Gay Stuff in the future.

This piece was written during the 2023 WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes. Without the labor of the writers and actors currently on strike, the series being covered here wouldn’t exist.