Oh hey. Did you have a nice long weekend? Are you ready for regular life to slap you upside the head again with all of its “work” and “responsibility” and its refusal to acknowledge day-drinking as both “work” AND a “responsibility”? YEAH SAME HERE I GUESS. That’s why I figure now is as good a time as any to watch some trailers and seize a momentary escape from reality. Because a minor distraction is like the weekend of your day!
Ooo, I like that. Somebody cross-stitch that on a pillow for me!
Anyway, I guess it’s official: Netflix has zero f*cks left to give over the end of its Marvel era. They just revealed that the premiere date of the third season of Jessica Jones — oh, excuse me, the “FINAL SEASON” of Jessica Jones, just to remind you that this has already been cancelled — will be June 14th. And they did so with a teaser trailer that isn’t so much a “teaser” as a bit of lame voiceover and a shot of Jessica’s door. It gives away nothing. And compared to the moody, exciting trailers we got in the lead up to the Punisher season 2, this feels like a complete throwaway. Take a look:
Apparently this season will pit Jessica against an intelligent psychopath and force her to work with Trish — last seen getting superpowers and killing Jessica’s mom — while the pair work out their fractured relationship, as well as their conflicting ideas of heroism. But that’s all stuff I got from the show’s synopsis, not the trailer. I don’t know what this trailer is trying to say, other than that Jessica’s door still says “Alias Investigations” — and some creepster is after her again.
But hey! Speaking of comic book streaming shows, DC Universe is still really pushing its maybe troubled/ maybe fine Swamp Thing adaptation — which premieres May 31st! That’s, like, THIS WEEK! So who is signing up for DC Universe to watch this thing, and will you share your login with me? Just post it in the comments. I’m sure that’s totally safe and won’t possibly backfire in any way whatsoever.
As you can tell from the trailer, there’s a mysterious contagion on the loose in Louisiana, and Abby Arcane (Crystal Reed) arrives to investigate it. And then blah blah science and mysticism and horror and OMG IT’S SWAMP THING. I’m sure there’s more to it than that, but also? I don’t NEED more than that. I just want that, only not sucky. The show has an impressive line-up of actors you know and love, or know and sort-of-recognize-from-that-thing-that-one-time: Jennifer Beals, Virginia Madsen, Jeryl Prescott, Maria Sten, Will Patton, Kevin Durand, and the duo of Andy Bean and Derek Mears playing Alec Holland and his Swamp Thingy alter-ego.
James Wan is the exec producer of Swamp Thing… but he’s still keeping an eye on the Conjuring universe as well, as he’s got a story credit on the upcoming Annabelle Comes Home (in theaters June 26th):
I’ll be honest; I couldn’t tell you how many films are in the Conjuring universe at this point, even if you held a murderous doll to my head. All I know is that this is supposed to be the third one in the Annabelle offshoot series (and that apparently The Curse of La Llorona is a part of the larger universe as well). This movie will show us what happens after Ed and Lorraine Warren bring the doll back to their home for safekeeping — because nothing says “safe” like hauling evil, haunted objects into the home you share with your ten-year-old daughter and her curious teenage babysitters.
The Babadook director, Jennifer Kent has a new movie on the horizon, and it looks like a very different kind of doozy:
The Nightingale — in theaters August 2
Set during the colonization of Australia in 1825, the film focuses on a young Irish convict named Clare (Aisling Franciosi) who wants to track down and get revenge on her former master, a British officer (Sam Claflin) who abused her and destroyed her family. But to find him, she enlists the help of an Aboriginal tracker named Billy (Baykali Ganambarr). They each have suffered their own distinct traumas, and they have no reason to trust each other, but when it comes to hating white dudes they might have some common ground after all…
And finally, because I’m as deeply into my f*ck-it territory as Netflix is, here’s a movie that’ll be available on demand… sometime. I don’t know when! But it’s a movie about geriatric superheroes starring Tom Berenger, Beau Bridges, and Louis Gossett Jr. and that’s really all I have to say about it:
Header Image Source: Netflix