By Dan Hamamura and Lord Castleton | TV | April 10, 2019 |
By Dan Hamamura and Lord Castleton | TV | April 10, 2019 |
(Recently, Dan and Lord Castleton sat down to watch the trailer for the upcoming show Perpetual Grace, Ltd. What follows is a very accurate transcript of their thoughts.)
DAN: I know everyone is looking forward to Game of Thrones and Avengers: Endgame or whatever, but let’s be honest: that only gets you through May, and then what are you supposed to do with your life?
Luckily, Epix (clearly, a very cool network) might have the answer, with their upcoming noir series Perpetual Grace, LTD., from Steve Conrad and Bruce Terris, who created/wrote on Patriot (a show that was pretty good, and that you probably should have watched but definitely did not).
Although Perpetual Grace, LTD. was first announced last year, not much was known about it until the trailer was released a few weeks ago, and what better way to examine that trailer than to bring in our resident Patriot expert, Lord Castleton.
LC: Being the resident Patriot anything is the highlight of my career. That show is beautiful beyond words. Are you ready to break down the next thunderclap from my boy Steve Conrad? I’m about to watch this for the first time, to try to keep my observations as keen and raw as possible. And I want to come at it objectively, with no bias or favoritism.
LC: Because yes, I’m crazy about Steve Conrad and I think he’s a modern American genius in the vein of Mark Twain and Hunter S. Thompson, but he could make a real clunker. It’s possible.
LC: And yeah, we have friends in common in the real world, and they all tell me he’s even better in person than you imagine and he’s easy going and an absolute veteran without being jaded and that he’s just this soft-spoken, kind, evolved artist with a powerful, vibrant intellect.
LC: But, y’know. Errybody can shit the bed.
DAN: You done?
LC: His brother is also awesome.
LC: And he has pretty great hair.
LC: I’m ready. Don’t look at me like that, Dan.
DAN: Okay, let’s press play.
LC: *breathes into a paper bag as Dan presses play*
0:01: LC: OHHHHHHHHH. Look at that iconic locked shot. Black and white. I’m gonna need another bag to breathe into.
DAN: Pace yourself.
0:04 - LC: This song is perfect. “In Hell I’ll Be in Good Company” by The Dead South. Great understated opening. Masterful camerawork. Two locked shots followed by a dolly shot of Jimmi Simpson walking through frame. Focused to keep our eye on him with the blurred lights in the background suggesting an ethereal dream state. A dancing woman, using mostly hips, not picking up her feet, intentionally unlit, foreshadows a temptation of some kind. Lurking.
DAN: We’re four seconds in. You look like you’re going to faint.
LC: This is really good so far.
0:10 - LC: “Four million dollars. We should take that money. It’d be easy. Just a couple of old people.” ←- Aaaand we have our A plot. Ten seconds in. I’m sold. Sign me up.
DAN: Weren’t you already sold?
LC: I’m sold again. Let’s keep going.
0:15 - DAN: It’s Dewey Crowe! (Damon Herriman)
0:20 - LC: “Oh, and you’d have to get hooked on methadone.” “For real?” “My parents can tell.” BWAHAHAHA! Yes! Yes! What great caper didn’t involve the protagonist getting hooked on the ‘done before the heist? That’s page one, baby!
0:28 - LC: I hear the voice and I know it’s Ben Kingsley. I mean, Ben Kingsley. The only thing that’s kept us all safe to this point is that no one has given Steve Conrad any money to do anything. He had to find Michael Dorman in New Zealand. They probably paid him in LEGOS. If we start giving Steve Conrad weapons like Ben Kingsley? I mean, he’s going to force-evolve us to a higher plane of existence. Sounds like a choppier, ‘Muricanized version of the voice he used as Behrani in The House of Sand and Fog.
DAN: Should we continue?
LC: Yes. I also love Jennifer Connelly.
DAN: Who doesn’t?
LC: You think this is a Man on Fire homage shot?
LC: OK, let’s keep going.
0:48 - LC: Now we’re rolling. So many beautiful shots. My god.
0:53 - DAN: Luis Guzman! Greendale’s most famous graduate!
LC: I love Luis Guzman. What is happening? You can’t give Steve Conrad ammunition like this! I might be pregnant already!
1:08 - DAN: Oh man, now they’re really unleashing Ben Kingsley. He’s going full Kingsley!
LC: I AM GOING TO KILL YOU. MOTHERFUCKER. I AM THE PALE HORSE OF DEATH AND HELL FOLLOWS ME, BOY.
Please have that stitched onto a pillow for me, Dan.
DAN: Can do.
LC: I love how he says motherfucker. With a weird little pause in the middle of it. Some of the greatest speakers of the English language take the most bizarre pauses. Kingsley. Christopher Walken. Maya Angelou.
LC: Yes, of course. My god, what would Steve Conrad do with Shatner?
DAN: Let’s hope we never find out.
LC: You can bitch all you want, Dan, but I’ll say this: drone shots have entirely changed small budget productions. Back in the day, you needed a crane or a helicopter to get some of these shots. Absolutely stunning. So maybe stop attacking drones with shotguns in your free time is all I’m suggesting.
DAN: If people didn’t want their drones shot down they shouldn’t fly em so close to my scooter. But I’ll consider it.
1:27 - LC: So Sir Ben is some undead demon warrior? And when did the music change? They foolded me! I didn’t even notice and now I’m all charged up!
DAN: It came in right after the motherfucker line. It’s “I’m A Wanted Man” by Royal Deluxe.
LC: HOT DAMN! I’M FIRED UP, DAN!
DAN: THIS AIN’T NO SIPPIN’ TEA!
1:39 - DAN: And now the real Steve Conrad weirdness begins. Why is there a spaceman? Also, why does it feel so right?
1:47 - DAN: is that Wing Commander IV’s Chris Conrad? DID STEVE MAKE HIS BROTHER CHRISTIAN BALE HIMSELF?
LC: He’s a cold bastard, that Steve Conrad. He made his own brother go reverse Dallas Buyers Club. Chris Conrad is a beaut. A god. Damn. Beaut.
1:50 - LC: There he is! Terry O’Quinn. It’s crazy how I’ve rollercoastered on this actor. I loved him at first on Lost, and then I sort of got sick of his schtick and really thought he was one-note. Then I didn’t see him in anything for a good long while. Then he came back to life on Patriot and now I love him. I’m so excited to see him here. He’s uniquely handsome as a cowboy, isn’t he? That beard is amazing.
DAN: I feel like Terry O’Quinn should be in every Western. Also, hopefully, this does not send us off on a tangent about RDR2, but also, if it does, so be it.
LC: I’m just saying that Arthur Morgan is the most gracefully crafted, nuanced character in the history of video games. Don’t @ me, Witcher III people.
DAN: No argument from me.
LC: And that I miss him dearly.
DAN: So do I.
LC: But at least we got him to see that final sunset. At least we did that for him.
DAN: Instead of handing him over to that shitbag Micah.
LC: Ugh. I can’t even stand to think about it.
DAN: You still haven’t played the epilogue, have you?
LC: How? How can I? I can’t be John Marston (again) after being Arthur Morgan! YOU WANT ME TO DRIVE A FORD FOCUS AFTER I WAS AN ASTON MARTIN? HOW DO YOU GET EM BACK ON THE FARM WHEN THEY’VE SEEN GAY PARIS, HAMMER?
DAN: Whoa boy. Whoa.
DAN: I miss him too. Should we get back to Perpetual Grace, orrrr?
LC: (quietly) Yes.
2:04 - DAN: Kurtwood Smith! Hana Mae Lee! How many more Steve Conrad players will make an appearance?
LC: I’m so excited. My god.
2:18 - DAN: And we haven’t even gotten to Jacki Weaver! (Also, this shot is perfect and cracks me up even thinking about it):
LC: Yeah. that’s so good. I’m just watching this in awe.
2:48 - DAN: was this our only fleeting glimpse of Cool Rick?
LC: Don’t sleep on Michael Chernus! He’s a beast!
3:02 - LC: “He’s an old man.” “He’s not, turns out.”
Boy, that last line sounds like John Lakeman / John Tavner. That’s really a Steve Conrad delivery.
DAN: It really is.
LC: WHOOO BOY.
DAN: BOY HOWDY.
LC: You said a mouthful.
DAN: Is this worth subscribing to Epix Now for three months ($18)?
LC: I mean, short answer: yes? But I’ve admitted to, on many occasions, being a network snob. And then non-primary networks make their Breaking Bads and their Patriots and their Future Mans—
DAN: Season one.
LC: Right, Future Man season one only, sadly. And they make their Happy!(s) and their UnReals-
DAN: Also season one only.
LC: Oh yes. UnReal season one only. But the point is that I can’t judge a book by its network cover anymore. And Epix isn’t even a network! Is it? Isn’t it like Crackle or whatever?
DAN: I’m not sure what Crackle is either.
LC: Crackle is no Epix! I’ll tell you that for free. Or maybe it’s the other way around.
DAN: No idea.
LC: If TV is a nightclub, Crackle and Epix would be giving four dollar handys in the back alley. How come a supernatural fiction magician like Steve Conrad has to dance with all these slumlords? Where’s HBO with Game of Thrones money for Steve Conrad? What is the world we’re living in?
DAN: It’ll happen. Hopefully.
LC: Until then, It’s Epix or bust. Whatever that is.
DAN: Whatever it is, take our money.
LC: Like, yesterday.
Image sources (in order of posting): Epix, Rockstar Games